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Dyed All Hues

Thinker and Experimenter,

TEDCRED 30+

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How does arrogance compare with confidence?

Multiple question, question. =)

How would you define a person who is arrogant, then how would you define a confident person?

How can each hold their own positive and negative qualities?

Since arrogance is socially considered a bad trait; how would you humble a person/yourself if they/you are/were arrogant? Looking for "success" stories.

Not much to say, but just peaked my interest as I looked at some personality charts that passed my view online.

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    Sep 11 2012: Hi Derek... answering the first part of the question:

    A confident person knows or believes that she (he) has a solution or can come up with a solution to a problem, and has learned to ignore signs or setbacks that could easily discourage others. An arrogant person knows or believes that she (he) has a solution or can come up with a solution to a problem, and tends to ridicule or look with contempt at any alternative.

    A confident person does not fear her (his) own failures. An arrogant person does not accept her (his) own failures.

    A confident person celebrates other confident person even if their opinions differ greatly. An arrogant person pretends that there only one absolute truth and that all other opinions are wrong or inferior


    Now, as social creatures that we are, the self correcting mechanism of peer rejection tends to soften up arrogant people. They only flourish when there is not many confident people around to propose and sustain different ideas, or when people develop the perception that their arrogance is a symbol that they belong to an exclusive group (and our subconscious human tendency is to feel attracted to this "exclusivity"). So as a group we can help by celebrating more people who is confident and ignoring more people who is arrogant, and realizing that there is nothing "exclusive" about them.

    cheers
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      Sep 12 2012: So well articulated!
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    Sep 10 2012: Hello Dear Derek.....interesting question from you.....as usual:>)

    I often review definitions to clarify in myself the meanings of words.

    Confidence: "a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or reliance on one's circumstances".

    Arrogance: "a feeling of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or presumptuous claims".

    1)"How would you define a person who is arrogant, then how would you define a confident person?"

    Arrogant: One who expresses a sense of superiority, overbearing manner and makes presumptuous claims.

    Confident: One who is genuinely aware of one's powers or reliance on one's circumstances.

    2) How can each hold their own positive and negative qualities?

    Personally, I don't perceive too much positivety in arrogance. The idea has been mentioned that one in a leadership role may exhibit arrogance. Why? If one was confident, there would be no reason to be arrogant - (overbearing manner and making presumptuous claims). There may be a sense of superiority while a person is in a certain leadership role, however, your questions ask..."how would you define a person...". A confident person in a leadership role, may exhibit a sense of superiority at times and does NOT need to be overbearing, or make presumptuous claims.

    3) Since arrogance is socially considered a bad trait; how would you humble a person/yourself if they/you are arrogant?

    I have no need or desire to try to humble anyone. I simply ignore arrogance to the best of my ability. In my perception, it serves no useful purpose.

    In my humble perception and experience, a person who is genuinely confident, does not need to be arrogant. An arrogant person depends on an overbearing, superior manner and presumptuous claims to try to appear confident.
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      Sep 10 2012: " A person who is genuinely confident, does not need to be arrogant."

      An arrogant person depends on an overbearing, superior manner and presumptuous claims to try to appear confident," as so nicely described by Colleen. And if I may add, arrogance is actually a cover up for lack of confidence, and a compensation for feeling inferior. It is used by those who wish to make a falsehood appear real, which, as put so well by Fritzie, and one hopes, "succeeds only with the extremely gullible".
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        Sep 10 2012: Hi Colleen! You addressed all three fields with many good points! Thank you!

        Nice addition Juliette! Reading you comment reminded me of having to write an English essay, but you got all your support and references! =D
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          Sep 10 2012: Good point Juliette, which I agree with. Arrogance is often a cover up for lack of confidence, and attempted compensation for feeling inferior. It is not really that difficult to see through the maze of one who behaves arrogantly, and unfortunately, s/he often sees everyone else as the cause, failing to understand the cause and affect in themselves.

          Thank you Derek, for offering the opportunity with another good question:>)
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          Sep 11 2012: People must assert goodness confidently.
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          Sep 15 2012: Hi Derek
          Thanks for your kind words..
          I am not good at mathematics.....but at time find use simple form of math I know makes communication much clearer and impactful.....as in this case I used the first one then kept on thinking while reading others posts ...some more came out....

          Have a good day
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          Sep 11 2012: ..

          "The truest characters of Ignorance are vanity and pride and arrogance."

          - Samuel Butler
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        Sep 11 2012: I got a new equation from you Juliette which is

        Incompetency + Covering Up = Arrogance
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          Sep 11 2012: Thank you Salim for your kind words.
          From Theodore Bikel: " The use of power must always be accompanied by moral choice."
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          Sep 14 2012: Hi Salim,

          Your equations are interesting. Your method of plotting out your answers is making me want to think in a new way. I will attempt to be more mathematical and try to implement that somehow, somewhere. =)
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        Sep 11 2012: Hi Juilette
        Humility is a great virtue that can effectively resolve the issue of ARROGANCE to a great extent.
        However it also needs awareness about what you told as "self knowledge" because of the cultural influence human holds on their behavior / interaction....

        Just from personal experience found....
        Asking for views from others considered to be lack of confidence or knowlege in some culture even it is considered to be imcompetency.....in such situation if someone is unaware about that cultural trait at one point s/he can discover that s/he is being percieved as incompetent......!!!

        As none likes to be perceived to be incompetent....s/he can take the next move in a way , which can then perceived by the same people as arrogance.....

        After all human mind is very unpredictable and interesting...
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          Sep 11 2012: My Guide line : a fire fighter makes sure there is a fire before he breaks down the door!
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        Sep 11 2012: Juliette! I loved your concise sentence: People must assert goodness confidently.

        It is very much like my favorite: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
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      Sep 11 2012: Hi Colleen
      As usual you put forward good thoughts...

      Mentioned "superiority complex" more visible in persons who are actually not....so tend to force it.
      So far real superior people I came across through real / virtaul interactions or even through reading their lives & work , almost all the time found them to be humble..... to which average and naive people like me automatically bow....

      Just giving an example of my arrogance.......
      At times I "arrogantly" ignore people who are very much "well known" / "famous" person.....as if I never knew them.
      I do it for two reason.....first, while in public, mass people become too curious about them and they lose privacy ....

      Secondly , from experience found many of such people are very proud and may be a bit arrogant as well....as I am not sure who is having such trait .....when I come accross such people....usually gave a normal gaze as if s/he is another person in the crowd........

      At least in two occassions my such "arrogant" startegy didn't work........ both of them (at different time frame in different places).....came forward to me (in one case I was the only person around that time in that place, in other I got the attention as I was in a challenged situtaion ) and asked something.....the way they asked me
      I had reply with my highest possble respect from my heart.....

      Since then I decided with these two great human beings .....I will never use my usual "arrogant" strategy (though possibility of coming across again really low, but I will be saluting them from far always)...... that's how real "superior" people wins superiority.
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        Sep 11 2012: Thank you Salim....and you too my friend:>)

        I did not mention "superiority complex". I wrote..."A confident person in a leadership role, may exhibit a sense of superiority at times and does NOT need to be overbearing, or make presumptuous claims".

        You say..."So far real superior people I came across through real / virtaul interactions or even through reading their lives & work , almost all the time found them to be humble..... to which average and naive people like me automatically bow...."

        If those people you perceived to be superior were actually humble, who gave them the label of "superior"? Was it you? Or them? I believe many people are incredibly talented, skilled, intelligent, insightful, etc., and I do not perceive them as "superior". All the "famous" people I've met, seem to be people with all feelings and emotions.....just like me:>)

        There certainly are situations where an individual takes a leadership role (leader of a rescue team, general in the war are a couple that have been mentioned on this thread). So, while in that role, they may be considered "superior" in that they have a leadership role. In my perception, that does not mean they are a "superior" person, nor do they have to be arrogant while in that role.
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          Sep 11 2012: Yes Colleen, you didn't mention "superiority complex" ....

          Why I mentioned , because I saw people after moving into leadership position suddenly starts feeling they are superior....so the complex engulfs them and end result ? they "just don't care".....

          Answering to your question "who labeled gave them the label of superior"?
          My answer is it's overall perception of people.....defintely it's not them.... that was my point that real superior people don't claim or show off them to be such...

          Don't disagree all famous people are just like you & may be like me as well... but reality is even in our surrounding not all but some become famous......

          Whether leaders are superior person or not can be a separate discussion. If we take out the natural leaders as exception , we will find many leaders in our social setting really not superior as a human being....

          People tend to follow good examples....leaders who leads by good example...leaders who has the ability to influence with out having the authority....to me seems have something in their trait which is not visible in most people ...what would you label that trait ?
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        Sep 11 2012: Dear Salim,
        You say it's "overall perception of people" to label some folks "superior"? What happens if we DO NOT lebel people "superior" or "inferior"?

        What would I label leaders who lead by good example? I would call them leaders who lead by good example:>) I really don't like labels Salim, which is why I do not perceive people to be superior/inferior to one another. I believe that EVERYONE has qualities.....I feel really confident about that:>)
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          Sep 12 2012: Dear Colleen
          Understand and appreciate your point on "label"s as some of those are used to discriminate.

          All adjectives we use are labels.....wondering how the language and communication will be with out any adjectives..... any thoughts about it ?

          But yes I fully support your stance against use of "label" for discriminatory reason.
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          Sep 12 2012: I agree with both of you that placing people and things in categpries is necessary (to reduce cognitive load as well as to communicate) , but we are best off being conscious of where labels are interfering with valid and open-minded thinking.

          There is a personality characteristic in psychology that is on point, I think. People are scattered along a "boundary" scale from thick to thin boundaries. Those with very thin boundaries see the separations among categories as very flexible and therefore things/people are not tightly confined within labels presumed to have a fixed set of characteristics. People with thick boundaries, in contrast, think strongly in terms of categories and often see everything in the type according to an inflexible well-defined image. This may be a prejudice but certainly will be an over-simplification.
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          Sep 13 2012: Hi Fritzie
          Liked your "boundary" concept....

          What do you think about "misuse" & or "abuse" of some words resulting in to a bad / discrminatory label ?With all respect to everyone , just as an example.....say Black is a label of a particular color (by the way I am black)......but using it in human domain now means very objectionably racial word..... now a days the word "MUSLIM" was made synonymous to EXTRIMIST.....which finally eneded into a situation that anyone having a name of arabic origin (as mine one) is highly suspicious person .

          While I support Colleen about the discriminatory use o label, my feeling is that ignoring "label"s (which are adjectives) will break down our communication........so here the intension of using words become pivotal.

          Any thoughts ?

          PS: Had to the liberty of hijacking Colleen's "Reply" button as your's one is missing that :)
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        Sep 12 2012: Hi Salim,
        That's one reason I do not lilke labels....they are used to discriminate. Another reason I do not like labels, is because once we have labeled something, we often stop exploring. So, if we label a person, we think we "know" everything about him/her, and we miss an opportunity to know more.

        I don't have a problem labeling behaviors. I just don't like labeling people. I might say a person is behaving confidently, or a person is behaving arrogantly at this time. This does not mean that s/he is a confident or arrogant person. Make any sense?

        Fritzie,
        Perhaps my perception is consistant with what you suggest? Being conscious, or aware of labels interfering with open-minded thinking?

        I was not aware of the "boundary scale" you speak of Fritzie, but it makes sense.
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          Sep 22 2012: Yes Madam, that's what I wanted to say in comment....as you wrote referring reading of Malcom X's book.

          Sorry for being not that clear in my communication.
          Have a good day :)
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        Sep 13 2012: I don't think either the label "black" or "Muslim" has come to mean something objectionable. I don't think anything would change by using different words in either case. I think some people form positive and some negative associations around words and would do so for any words you choose.
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          Sep 13 2012: Neither do I think so....
          But what is the reality?
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          Sep 14 2012: The reality, is that some people may misuse and abuse labels, and some will not.

          Salim, you say...."Black is a label of a particular color". That is reality. I am a person who has white skin....that is reality. We both understand and accept that fact, and it doesn't make any difference to us.

          As Fritzie says, some words in themselves are not objectionable. and some people will have different perceptions of what those words mean. I believe it is our intent with the use of any word that is important.
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          Sep 15 2012: Hi Colleen
          Yes, words themselves seldom are objectionable.....but our intention / perceptions makes those such...fully aligned I am I think...

          While talking out about reality , wanted to mean that once some very benign or even good words are intentionally misused / abused that turns those into a very objectionable one , then even a person with no bad intention can't use it..... as meaning / intension of using the word has already been changed.......
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          Sep 19 2012: Salim,
          I had an interesting experience recently with the idea you mention above. I'm cleaning out my book shelves and donating lots of books to the library. I found "The Autobiography of Malcolm X", which I read many years ago, and decided to read it again before giving it away.

          It's written by Malcolm X and Alex Haley published around 1964. Malcolm X calls himself, Africans and African Americans "Negroes". From the beginning of the book, that word is repeated over and over again many times. At first, I cringed every time I came to that word.....it felt horrible to even see it.

          I kept reminding myself that the book was written by two people who had the right to call themselves that if they chose to, and even that reminder to myself didn't help at first. It was well into the book before I stopped cringing at that word.

          It was interesting to experience that feeling, and it is EXACTLY what you talk about in your previous comment.....yes?
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        Sep 15 2012: Salim, it is true that people can "highjack" words and use them to mean something different than the word originally signified. This sort of practice, which muddles the meaning of words, is such an impediment to clear communication.

        What first comes to mind to me, actually, are instances in marketing when positive words are applied to things that are not so positive as a way of selling them.

        I know this is not your subject.
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          Sep 15 2012: Fritzie, right you are in marketing......but here they just do it to sell their products and services and gain profit.....

          Regulatory framework can protect deceptive uses of words those mislead people.

          But when in our day to day activity we start using words with a very planned use to project some particular meaning and turning those into "label" that's very difficult to prevent and that's how a word either "dies" or start projecting a completely opposite meaning....and if one is not aware enough about such words s/he can have communication breakdown and at times can be in great trouble.......
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        Sep 23 2012: Dear Sir Salim:>)

        This is a response to your comment:

        "Salim Solaiman
        Yes Madam, that's what I wanted to say in comment....as you wrote referring reading of Malcom X's book.

        Sorry for being not that clear in my communication.
        Have a good day :)"

        You were very clear Salim, and I agreed. I could not imagine a situation where your idea might influence me personally. I found it very interesting that at the same time I was pondering the question/idea, I had that experience which showed me how right you are!!!

        It is always a good day when we discover something my friend:>)
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    Sep 10 2012: I agree with Robert that it is typically fruitless to think in terms of humbling an arrogant person. On the other hand, steering clear of arrogant people may have a beneficial effect on their behavior. People who brag consistently about their credentials or supposed superior intellect often do this as a play for power, attention, or admiration. If that strategy does not work, they may be induced to act in a more tolerable way.
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        Sep 10 2012: I don't think people need to be ashamed of their credentials, but it's the substance of what people offer that I think should matter. I can't say I know much about "Old Money" standards of things, but I know you are right that there are a variety of cultures that are particularly negative aboout bragging. I know my mother felt it called forward some form of the evil eye.
        I personally am from a lower middle class family and worked throughout my education. I am grateful to have had those school and work opportunities. My sister and I had the chance to go to college that our parents never had.
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    Sep 9 2012: An arrogant person often mocks others and typically has an exaggerated view of his own merit relative to others. If a person says some version of "it's lonely at the top," that is arrogance. An arrogant person may wave his credentials and expect respect on the basis of those credentials alone.

    A confident person will tend to assert his view and expect the merits of his case to be judged by his words rather than his credentials or demographic features.

    I ignore arrogant people, unless they are, for example, my students. If they are, I am most likely to shine a bright light on their apparent misconceptions and also indicate that condescending behaviors are not acceptable in my classroom.
    Arrogant people can be quite successful. Some of our best known politicians and eminent creative luminaries have been arrogant. But successful arrogant people typically have actual substance to them as well. Arrogance without substance succeeds only with the extremely gullible.
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    Sep 29 2012: I think there's a connection between the narrowness/depth of knowledge in a single subject or discipline, and arrogance.

    There also seems to be another connection between breadth of knowledge and confidence.

    I personally have always found the latter are far more approachable than the former.

    Arrogance is a person who thinks he is always right, and is not in the least bit interested in the views of others.

    Confidence is being comfortable with who we are and what we know, while at the same time being open and empathic to the views of others.
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    Gail . 50+

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    Sep 12 2012: Arrogance and confidence can APPEAR to outside observers to be the same thing. But there is a test that will quickly show whether you are viewing arrogance or confidence - if you are not sure. Does the person offer evidence or does the person expect you to just believe him/her. Evidence = confidence and self-respect. Lack of evidence = lack of confidence (arrogance) and lack of self-respect (causing arrogance).

    I do not bother trying to "humble" others. They do that enough to themselves if they are arrogant. Why would I ever want to lower my standards just because someone doesn't like what I have to say? I would prefer to offer information that can allow another to lift his/her self-esteem to join me where I am.
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      Sep 12 2012: Well said TED Lover:>)
      Another way to perceive confidence or arrogance.....
      I find that people who are confident are usually consistant with what they say and do. While often, those who are arrogant, will say what s/he thinks will convince the other person that s/he is confident, and "right". I agree...people who are arrogant often humble themselves because they end up producing very inconsistant messages with their attempt to appear confident.

      Regarding your comment..." I would prefer to offer information that can allow another to lift his/her self-esteem to join me where I am".....I LOVE IT!

      You have probably heard of the term "leveling"? A person will often try to bring others to his/her "level" of confidence, security, contentment, etc. One who is genuinely confident, will usually support others in reaching his/her level, while those who are arrogant will often try to bring others to his/her level of insecurity.
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      Sep 12 2012: TED Lover, for some reason, my "thumbs up" is not operational right now. If I could give you two "thumbs up" for this, I would.
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      Sep 19 2012: Good points TED Lover!

      One question, does a person who is overly humble portraying characteristics of arrogance?
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    Sep 11 2012: Hi Colleen....Arrogance is ego thing and not necessarily informed. Confidence is rooted in truth .
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      Sep 11 2012: Good points and very simply expressed Helen. I LOVE simplicity:>)
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      Sep 19 2012: So, arrogance equates ignorance, while confidence equates wisdom?
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    Sep 10 2012: I feel following

    Confidence + Complacency = Arrogance

    Even the swiftest car has got brake , just need to know when and how, how much pressure to be put on it....that's how people need to balance positivity and negativity instinctively they have.
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      Sep 10 2012: Hi Salim!

      That adds a new twist of lemon to Arrogance. Thank you! =)
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        Sep 11 2012: Hi Derek
        You are welcome.......
        Thought a bit after posting my above comment........and realized the equation above can be different as well . because there are other dimensions of human character & life, which are as below

        Power + Pride = Arrogance
        Money + Greed= Arrogance
        Power + Money+Pride = Arrogance
        Power+Money+Pride+Greed= Arrogance

        and other combinations of the above factors.....i
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      Sep 10 2012: Dear Derek and Salim, noteworthy to mention that it is the perception of others that might suggest (or label) someone arrogant vs. confident. So just as on the road, where one or many good driver(s) could be impacted by actions of a reckless driver, a confident person can be written off as 'arrogant' by those who mis-perceive competence for arrogance. So the "balancing act" is tougher for those who are empathic. Introverts, for example, are more at risk, and most often mis-perceived.

      http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html
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        Sep 11 2012: Dear Juliette
        Agree that it's the perception of people.......and finally perception becomes reality in our day to day life....i.e. a just confident person can also be perceived as arrogant if s/he misses the emotional cues of others..

        There are people who can process information and think very quickly and can predict the end result of situation much earlier than that of average person......When these people with that quick processing ability confidently give some direction as leader, followers tend to disagree.....but if the leader sticks to her/his position s/he is perceived as arrogant ....... . On the other hand if that person is not in leadership position but is a team memeber of a leader who don't have that quick processing capability....s/he disagrees with leader...result leader perceives her/him as arrogant.....

        In both cases that person who is confident due to her/his quick information processing ability gets branded as arrogant unless s/he uses other interpersonal and communication skills.
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          Sep 11 2012: such as..
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        Sep 11 2012: Hi Juliette
        Such as
        First at least listening to other's
        then
        Showing genuine attention to other's view
        Displaying felxibility.....etc etc...

        My friend it's my own feeling only from day to day life not theories but can say hypothesis which can be proven or disproven :)
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        Sep 11 2012: You are welcome Juliette....
        It's my pleasure if my naive thoughts derived from day to day interaction & parasitic learning from others adds value to you....

        Not sure about what is "right" path for all situation as it depends also other factors like place, time & people we are interacting......

        Say in emergency situation , someone need to be "arrogant" for the greater collective interest....right that time ARROGANCE seems very much necessary and good trait...

        Your thoughts will be helpful for my parasitic learning startegy :)
        Have a good day
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          Sep 14 2012: I don't think parasitic is a good term Salim because we are more like sharing bonds such as those of a molecule. =)
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        Sep 15 2012: Hi Derek
        Agree that's not a good term as you pointed out.....thanks
        Appropriate words could be symbiotic or commensalic......:)
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    Sep 10 2012: If Arrogance means proudly contemptuous: feeling or showing self-importance and contempt or disregard for others, then we must also define Contempt. Contempt: the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean , vile, or worthless; disdain; scorn. So that person is basically saying s/he is great and the rest of us are pretty much worthless.

    Confident: self-assured: certain of having the ability, judgment, and resources needed to succeed. These are internal but can be viewed in anothers demeaner. It is not insulting, or demeaning another as in arrogance. These people normally have what is called a presence.

    I am not sure that you can humble a arrogant person. They are to self involved and really cound care less of your opinion of them .. remember you are pretty much wotthless.

    I read a quote once that said: Never argue with a fool ... after a while it is hard to determine which is which.

    I my case if I become to big a jerk ... I will be put in place when I get home and face reality and the wife.

    All the best. Bob
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    Sep 9 2012: General Patton was considered arrogant. I'm not sure WWII could have been ended in the same time frame without him. I think that his arrogance was vital in some of the plans associated with the Normandy Invasion. In other words, the allies used the arrogance trait of General Patton because it influenced the Germans plans to defend France against the Allied Invasion.

    I think Eisenhower handled him very well.

    In a Writers Guild, being able to take criticism is important to enhance your skill as a wordsmith. Those who give the criticism, are usually your peers in the club and they serve as the audience you want to impress with your work. Being arrogant could slow your progress considerably
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    Sep 9 2012: One is at the others expense.

    If he can do it, it isn't bragging and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. But not at someone else s expense.
    Either way this is one thing that you will not get arrested for. But if you want to do well in life learn how to treat others with importance. Now you might say I don't treat you with the aforementioned, but if that were the case I would not say anything.
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      Sep 10 2012: That was actually really kind of you pat. =)

      Thank you! That is very true. They say actions speak louder than words, and some people possibly receive your message negatively, but miss your positive action. =)

      Glad to hear from you. =)
  • Sep 9 2012: An arrogant person rejects a challenge to their position because of who they are and often a deluded view about their past performance, good or bad, and often is annoyed by the need to discuss other positions.

    A confident person is skeptical about a challenge to their position, but is willing to take the time to understand the other position and acknowledge the benefit of being able to have the discussion.

    Arrogance probably is a benefit in a direct conflict, such as a fight or contest. However, arrogance can alienate and create needless enemies, hostile feelings and negative energy. Arrogant people often have a false confidence, which is projected as a bravado, and can be used as an advantage in some instances, particularly in a weaker opponent.

    Confidence is a charismatic quality that has the potential benefit of improving the knowledge of both parties involved and advancing the collective knowledge about the subject, because each is willing to consider the other opinion. Confidence stems from believing in yourself based on past performance, knowing your materials, and having a realistic perspective about your limitations.

    Social scorn and rejection has a way of tempering arrogance. If I were wise enough to realize I was arrogant, I might ask questions like "Do I need to say this?" or "Will saying this do more harm than good?" or in general, focusing on the quality of the arguments of a position rather than personal attacks. I might also avoid overstating or understating the position to my advantage and let others form their opinions about me based on my actions rather than what I say about myself.
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      Sep 11 2012: " Confidence is a charismatic quality that has the potential benefit of improving the knowledge of both parties " ..while arrogance prevents improvement for all parties in all ways and manners.
  • Sep 30 2012: I believe that an arrogant person is one who believes she is above all and can never fail or make mistakes in an endeavour while a confident person has faith in her abilities but doesn't go on and on about being superior to all. So basically, she has a good opinion of herself but refuses to accept the fact that success is absolute. She knows failure can come, but is ready to tackle it and move on while an arrogant one believes failure can never come to her, ever.

    I frankly don't know if confidence has any negative qualities but arrogance, I can go on and on about, after all, we've all grown up believing it to be a bad trait as you said. And it is too, but if it's intensity is reduced to minimal then it can be as good as confidence for you.

    Talking about humbling an arrogant person, we can't do much about them as they already think themselves as superior to us and won't really bother to listen. Getting a taste of their own medicine will only increase the arrogance. But if they face the consequences of their arrogance, such as general dislike from others or failure due to overconfidence in their abilities, they might change. Can't say it will work for narcissists though.
  • Sep 29 2012: 1) The arrogent person will hear you say the apple is green, see the apple is green, but turn around and firmly tell you and everyone that the apple is red. The confident person will listen to you talk about the green apple, pick up the green apple, and explain to you and everyone else why they believe the apple is red.

    2) It is not a question of the audience deciding wether the apple is green or red, it is up to the speaker to convince us. That is the beauty of personality and how the speaker can decidethe best way to send their message and portray themselves as either/ or.

    3) I wouldn't try and humble anyone, who am I to judge.

    My friend once told me, there is not a truth but truths.
    There are many truths that cross our paths, and even though we are all talking about the same apple, your apple may be green, his apple may be red, but mine is red with a few flecks of green.
    Excuse the metaphorics, it's just what came to mind so I hope it makes sense :)
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      Sep 30 2012: That was beautifully put Carla! Thank you for your clear imagery! I am glad you shared your explanation of the red apple with a few flecks of green. =)
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    Sep 12 2012: One is based on reality and evidence. The other is not.
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    Sep 12 2012: So arrogance can lead to contempt? if so then is contempt the worst we can visit upon another? How can one recognize the rising of contempt within ones self and deal with it?
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      Sep 28 2012: What is your definition of contempt?

      Give an example of a situation with someone with rising contempt?
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        Sep 29 2012: I work in construction,self employed and sometimes i'm covered in crap and when i've managed to tidy myself up a bit i've gone into a cafe here in Nz and straight away you notice the way the barrister or attendant changes their facial expression,the change is imperceptible but i've been told i'm very good at noticing these small changes in people,i throw a big smile and order my hot chocolate as the coffee here is utter crap but turned into a weird fashion,you must have a coffee in hand as well as your phone when your walking down the street.

        The person serving me will sound as if by rote rather than by general sincerity,i've found the japanese are by far the politest when serving behind the counter,they make you feel welcomed and it's nice to have that now and then.My contract partner didn't believe me but once i showed him as he watched off to the side then he, who wasn't scruffy looking stepped up to place his order(he's better looking than me)the change was considerably palpable in men and women,i further proved it to him when we revisited the cafe in much better attire than before and the service was much more responsive,people are very easy to read,a fleeting look can tell you volumes about that person,it can also tell you whether they are unconsciously racist which lucky for me i take it as a normal part of being human.I can't honestly say this is a valid example but it feels like it when it happens.We are shallow things.
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          Sep 30 2012: I suppose one subconsciously or consciously judges, but I don't necessarily find this type of contempt a "bad" thing. I do think that if an individual will keep to the first impression, then that is close-mindedness. If someone smelled or appeared dirty I'd consider what they were doing, then I might assess them more in depth and have my assumptions, guilty as charged, but I won't hold it against them as a person.

          I think open-mindedness helps rationalize most "stinky" situations....I myself have encountered countless kinds of people, but I usually look past it and give them the respect and kindness I'd desire from them. I strongly believe in the saying "do unto others, as you want done onto you."
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      Sep 29 2012: I liked the link Don! Thank you very much! =)
    • Sep 29 2012: The more a person stands up for themselves could also cause more grief. Situations can be sensitive. One person standing up for themselves alone could be seen as arrogance by the many, not an ideal situation for anyone to be in. Being the dog backed into the corner would not raise self esteem but probably just lower it and increase anger.

      ?
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    Sep 11 2012: An arrogant person may be confident; but arrogance is always rooted in selfishness, while confidence is not always rooted in selfishness.
  • Sep 10 2012: Some thoughts about arrogance:

    Some lines of work require arrogance. I am thinking of three in particular, military generals, CEOs, and surgeons.

    The decisions and actions of these people can be considered arrogant.

    This arrogance is somewhat different from the arrogance exhibited during interpersonal contact. But if someone acts arrogantly on the job, the attitude is sure to leak through on a personal level, but perhaps not obnoxiously.

    I remember reading that arrogance is a desired quality in surgeon candidates. I think this is understandable when you consider that surgeons must make life and death decisions, and make them quickly. Any degree of self doubt is not acceptable.

    On a personal level, my son is arrogant, and will tell you so. He does not think that arrogance is necessarily a negative quality. When he is certain that he is right (usually with regard to computer technicalities, or family matters), he will tell you so, explain why he is right, and expect you to acknowledge it. He does not brag, but if he considers himself to be the more knowledgeable on a topic, he will state it as a fact.

    Arrogance can have positive effects. It can promote clarity and it saves time.
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      Sep 10 2012: So Barry,

      You just added subcategories to Arrogance and Confidence, I think. Could you elaborate a bit more on them or Could you supply us with more subcategories?

      Thanks! =)
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    Sep 11 2012: The arrogant avoids eye contact.
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      Sep 13 2012: Eye contact is culturally based. Do not assume you are not in trouble if someone is not looking you in the eye.
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        Sep 14 2012: This is very true Linda. I found that out while in Egypt. I almost always make eye contact with people everywhere, all the time. When I seemed to be attracting men, I asked an older gentleman I befriended what was going on. He laughed and said I smile a lot and make eye contact. That sends the message that I want to have a relationship!!! I altered my smiling/eye contact practice while there:>)

        While in some cultures, making eye contact may be a sign of confidence, it helps to be aware that it is not the same in all cultures.
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          Sep 19 2012: LOL! Colleen! You must have been the cats meow in Egypt, making all that eye contact. XP

          Thanks for the info though, I will remember to stare away from people in Egypt. =P
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          Sep 19 2012: ROFL

          So if I go to Egypt and some Egyptian chick will stare at me and smile and all, that would mean she got the hots for me?

          Anyone got tips on how to engage in a staring contest with an Egyptian girl?
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        Sep 19 2012: My Dear James,
        You will NOT be ROFLaughing when one of those captivating Egyptian lasses catches your eye. That is arrogant! Or is it confident? You remember Cleopatra don't you??? Oh....I forgot for a minute.....she was not Egyptian. Well anyway.....behave yourself young man!!! ROFL:>)
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      Sep 19 2012: Not necessarily Gerald. In some cases yes, but in most cases, people use too much eye contact for the lack of something and some may even be pathological liars. Depends on the situation. =)
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        Sep 19 2012: Hi Derek,
        This is a response to your comment....."cats meow". Once I learned about the cultural difference, I was aware of sending an inappropriate message:>(

        Have you seen this talk? I like it.....about differences in cultures and communications.

        http://www.ted.com/talks/devdutt_pattanaik.html

        What are you saying in the above comment? "too much eye contact....pathological liars".....what?
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        Sep 29 2012: Hello dear Derek,
        I finally watched the Pamela Meyer talk which is interesting.....thanks:>) To use any one of the behaviors Pamela mentions, I believe is limiting. Here is the comment I left on her site.

        "This is an interesting and informative talk. Pamela speaks about "clusters" of behaviors, which may indicate that a person is not telling the truth. I agree with her that lying is a "cooperative" act, and if one does not accept the information as truth, the lie does not work. If we simply notice one behavior, and name it "deceptive", we may actually be deceiving ourselves!

        Pamela says..."if you don't want to be deceived, know what you're hungry for". Freud recognized that there is "much more to it than speech", and I'm sure many before him recognized this as well. Pamela mentions one's "attitude". I believe being aware of all the different behaviors, takes us back to awareness, mindfullness and "knowing thyself".

        I'm surprised Pamela didn't mention anything about instinct or intuition because I believe this may be part of the foundation of knowing our "self", as well as understanding others. Pamela says..."lie spotters rely on human truth", and for me, "human truth" evolves from instinct, intuition and knowing our "self". "
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          Sep 30 2012: Hello Colleen,

          When you mention "behaviors" , do you mean the unconscious physical displays of lying or were you mentioning a different set of behaviors Pamela mentions, because the physical displays, in my perception, are not deliberate (usually) or lying itself is definitely very limiting.
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        Sep 30 2012: Hi Derek,
        I refer to all the behaviors Pamela mentions...fake smile, too much eye contact, or no eye contact, curling of the lip, hunched shoulders, providing irrelevant information, body language, etc. etc. I think any of these behaviors may be deliberate or not....some people may be aware of what they are doing...some may be doing it unconsciously.

        In a comment above, you write...
        "... in most cases, people use too much eye contact for the lack of something and some may even be pathological liars. Depends on the situation. =) "

        To judge a person to be a pathological liar, based on too much eye contact is a stretch, in my opinion. I also realize you said "depends on the situation". I think it also depends on what other messages we are getting from the person.

        My point, is that it may be beneficial to observe ALL behaviors, rather than make a judgement based on one behavior.....make any sense?

        In my perception and experience, we can "feel" something that is not truth when we are fully engaged in the interaction....genuinely listening, hearing, observing, and being open to all the messages....spoken and unspoken. We can "feel" when a person is consistant with communications, or not. We can "feel" confidence in a person, and we can "feel" arrogance, when/if our mind and heart are open to receiving information.

        Another important statement Pamela makes is......"if you don't want to be deceived, know what you're hungry for".

        People sometimes tell us what they think we want to hear....true or not....that's where it helps to "know" our "self" and be clear with ourselves, then we can be clear with our communications.
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          Sep 30 2012: Hello again Colleen,

          I believe your comment is crystal clear now, thank you.

          I now see the jump in logic about the eye contact turning into pathological liars. In my mind, I though that "depends on the situation" made everything make sense, but it is now evident that it wasn't translated onto my comment because rereading it I am thinking "omg, I wish I had someone proof read all my work before anyone else sees it". Haha!
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    Sep 10 2012: I guess you can be both, one or neither to different degrees or even at different times.
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      Sep 10 2012: Simple, clever, and definitely holds some truth there, thank you Obey. =)
  • Sep 10 2012: To me arrogence is the extreme of confidence. I say this because you cannot be arrogent without being very confident.
    Confidence: being assured of ones own value, beliefs, and value
    Arrogence: misguided confidence, where one knows their value, beliefs, and value but they are exagerated till they are much too high.
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      Sep 10 2012: I agree with the thought that Arrogance is the extreme of Confidence. =)