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Does personality matter?

We often judge people by their behaviors, attitudes, and basically their personalities.
And it seems like there are some people who have good(or attractive) personalities.

Well, if a person is too bad at getting along with others, he should at least do something about it. But we see a lot of bad people who are seemingly friendly, sociable, attractive and polite, but turns out really selfish and intolerant …..and vice versa.

Can we assume that an effort to change one's own, unique personality indicates that we're unconsciously afraid of being different from others?
Well, let’s just say having good personality matters.
But can we judge people by that?
Let's say there's a person who is bad at cracking jokes.
If he practices jokes everyday in order to be attractive even though that is not who he is, is he being confident about himself?

  • Sep 14 2012: Actors need to know personalities and emotions very well
    to play many parts and they are most successful
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    Sep 12 2012: Never judge anyone!!!
    because when we judge someone then we have made some predictions which may be true or not... for example we may think if he/she do this then good otherwise bad but while doing this we forget that every person has different personality. Here comes the personality. If we want to help someone then two people of different personality can help in the same way but definitely one may get more noticed only because of personality.
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        Sep 12 2012: Don, you mention your sense of duty to point out personal issues in private. I think that when one points something out in private conversation, it is almost always genuinely in the interest of helping the other person. This is a generous approach.

        The same done in public is often only for the benefit of the accuser, for show. Teachers in their training are also taught to try to handle private issues in private. Some still use a tactic of shaming kids in public, but it only fostors resentment and fear where cooperation and collaboration should be the rule.
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          Sep 12 2012: Don,
          Have you ever heard the saying....those who live in glass houses should not throw stones?

          I read all the testimony in the court documents regarding your hearing for which YOU provided the link here on TED. Are you ready to deal with truth?

          You are absolutely right Don...those who come to TED are not children, nor are we unaware of your past. So, it would behoove you to stop preaching and pointing out other people's "sins".
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        Sep 13 2012: Hi, Don. I was only applauding your words that you feel a duty to work in private with people on potential growth areas for them. I think that is a generous thing.

        I was not suggesting people here were children. I only used as an example that teachers try to work with kids on sensitive issues in private without an audience, because it takes any sort of show away.

        I think it works best that way regardless of age.

        I also appreciated your saying you "accept the beliefs of everyone." Not everyone does.
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      Sep 12 2012: That's one of the best voices I've ever heard, singing one of the best songs. Thanks for sharing that one, I'm not a fan of reality TV shows because I don't like how they try to sell a lot of these sympathetic stories so artificially. I would have definitely never seen that performance had you not shared it here.

      Now I feel like I gotta share you one of my favorite works:
      Acceptance - Ryuichi Sakamoto: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS6U6rb--OI&list=PL58AAAD5D420260C7&index=16&feature=plpp_video

      Different in Quality, but almost equal in quantity
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        Sep 12 2012: I've seen the Emmanuel clip before.....he is indeed a beautiful personality, and his smile embraces everything and everyone....love him!

        "Acceptance" is beautiful James....thanks for that treasure. In my perception, acceptance is a big part of how personality matters. As Elizabeth insightfully says in her indroduction...
        "We often judge people by their behaviors, attitudes, and basically their personalities".

        When we accept people without judgement, we have a better chance of connecting with more people on deeper levels.

        For example, because I have disagreed with Mr. Wesley, he has called me the devil, evil, demon, representative of the devil, etc. I do not take these accusations personally because he says the same things about other people here on TED. He has apparently judged me and others based on the fact that we do not agree. That's kind of sad in my perception, because it is a missed opportunity.
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    Sep 11 2012: It is important that one tries as much as possible to work on weaknesses and bad attitude. But it is impossible for an individual to be loved and approved by everybody.
    I agree with Colleen about knowing oneself. We all have our strong points; but most of the time we belittle the good things we have and we try too hard to be who we are not in order to be accepted by people. what a waste!

    We should try to be the best of who we are; we should not aim at being attractive as an end in itself. If we try too hard to be accepted and attractive we become too self conscious; and eventually we will be disappointed.
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      Sep 12 2012: Feyisayo, your points are wise. We should try to be the best of who we are.

      For some, this means tackling some issues along the way that do not work well in human interaction, however authentic they are for the person in question. Those with inclinations to venomous anger or violence are an example. These people if they'walk their talk," would rain hurt on and otherwise oppress others as a way of expressing and venting their own anger.

      Here is a case where diverting the hostile, angry, and intolerant personality to a punching bag in the basement would be better.
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    Sep 11 2012: Hello again Elizabeth....good question!

    Yes.....I believe personality matters. I believe we all have "personas", "characters" and "archetypes" we draw from to create our personalities. That's why it helps a lot to "know thyself" throughout the life experience.

    You say..."we see a lot of bad people who are seemingly friendly, sociable, attractive and polite, but turns out really selfish and intolerant …..and vice versa."

    I suggest that most people are trying to get what they think they want or need from the life experience, and they/we use various methods to achieve that goal.

    When we "know" ourselves, we can usually "feel" whether or not another person is being honest with the personality s/he projects. It "feels" very clear when a person is not walking his/her talk. Anyone can have a seemingly friendly, sociable, attractive and polite personality. We've seen abusive people, murderers, rapists, convicted felons of all kinds with friendly, sociable polite personalities. We need to listen, and pay attention to the underlying messages of these folks to determine who may be projecting what is not really honest.
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      Sep 12 2012: Hi, Colleen. This is the closest I could get to the comment I am responding to.

      I think when people write things in different threads that seem inconsistent, it can be either that they are still working through their thoughts and beliefs and therefore are not yet consistent on the point. Or one can believe in something rationally but not be there yet in fact.
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        Sep 12 2012: I agree Fritzie...inconsistant communications can mean a number of different things including people still working through their thoughts and beliefs. You can tell though, when someone is working through something and when one is trying to be "right" with information inconsistant with what s/he previously said....can't you? This crosses over into our other conversation....arrogance or confidence!

        If one has a personality trait of always trying to be right, s/he may alter information to feel "right". If one has a personality trait which allows exploration, s/he would not be afraid to allow people to witness the exploration....that to me, projects confidence.
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          Sep 12 2012: I understand what you mean. In my professional life I work with adult students who come into a new learning context often trying to figure out how their classroom participation is assessed. One of the key messages I need to transmit at the beginning is that they are assessed not on whether they are right, wrong, or agree with anyone in particular but rather on whether they contribute to the discourse by putting forward ideas and thoughtful questions.

          In a learning environment needing to be right before venturing forth is so stifling.
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        Sep 12 2012: AWWW Fritzie....it appears that we are on the same page with this, even though maybe coming from different perspectives? I agree...needing to be right before venturing forth is not really a learning environment.

        You are an educator by profession, and I was an educator by invitation...without an education background. When I guest lectured at the university, I always encouraged the students to ask questions and open the class for discussion as soon as possible. That was much more enjoyable for me rather than talking for 2-3 hours! It gives me joy and pleasure to be a catalyst for people to discover their own answers with information, exploration and participation.
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          Sep 12 2012: Yes, the learning sciences are at the point now that we know that discourse formats are more effective in getting students to construct their own understandings than top down formats. Even at the university level, things are moving in that direction.
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        Sep 12 2012: LOL!!! "The learning sciences are at the point now that we know that discourse formats are more effective in getting students to construct their own understandings...." My experience in "teaching" was 10 years ago! Are you suggesting that I was ahead of my time??? Funny! '

        Actually, I was never a good student in the classroom setting. I learn much better by experiencing. So, that's what I tried to provide to the students:>) I DID IT MY WAY.....LOL
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          Sep 12 2012: Well... not really. When I said "now," I meant over the last twenty years or so.

          Universities have had an interesting relationship with discourse, because generations of university students have listened to lectures from the instructor but then have gone to small discussion sections to hash things out for themselves with peers. This was already true in the sixties and likely earlier And teaching in some subjects has been interactive for a very long time, for example in the very popular Socratic format.
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        Sep 12 2012: OH....20 years ago kind of now.....got it! I was patting myself on the back there for a minute:>)

        Similar to my experience in the classroom setting....the large classes were broken down into discussion groups which I helped facilitate.
    • Sep 13 2012: Thank you for your insightful comment, Colleen :)
      (I wasn't really able to add my comments on TED site for a moment.
      I should have read all TED fellows' comments earlier. Those are great!)
      Your "know thyself" lesson made me ponder about this question again.
      After reading your and others' comments, I realized that a person needs to know himself thoroughly as long as he can.
      Quite often, a person doesn't know the reason why he happens to have this trait, or this trait, etc.
      One's personality is consists of many things including genetic factors, personal experiences--and the ways he has overcome those obstacles, and the surroundings around him.

      Some reflect the real "you" while others don't.
      And it's possible that those traits that do not really reflect yourself are come from your defensive attitude.
      To protect yourself from the feeling that you're alone, people's hurtful remarks, sense of inferiority, and the possibilities that you can be rejected by others....and so on.

      And while thinking about those things, you(I'm not talking about Colleen, but including myself, and others.) might discover the truth that your personality is some sort of mixture. Some pure ingredients taste good in your mouth, others ruin the taste of it.
      And through the relationships with your friends or someone you love, you might hear things like, "It's not like you"

      And whenever you hear this thing, you might realize that this journey is ongoing
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        Sep 16 2012: My pleasure Elizabeth:>)

        I enjoy reading your insightful comments as well my friend:>)

        I believe that to "know thyself" is a very important concept in the life experience. If we do not "know" ourselves well, we deprive ourselves of an opportunity to learn. What is the point of taking in information if we do not know how to apply it to the life experience?

        You are absolutely correct Elizabeth...quite often, people don't know the reason they have certain personality traits. Are the personality traits simply picked up from parents? Society? Cultures? Influenced by our experiences? Etc.?Or do we consciously, with mindful awareness make choices regarding what personality traits we want to project? We have choices. If we are not aware of the choices, however, they do not exist for us. So, "knowing" ourselves is really important.....in my humble opinion, it provides us with information to make better choices.

        I suggest that once we "know" ourselves well, there is no need for a "defensive attitude". We are what we are, and are content projecting what is truly in our heart and mind. Those who have a "defensive attitude" are simply showing us that s/he is insecure in him/herself.

        I agree Elizabeth, that our personalities are generally a mixture of many factors, and our journey to "know" ourselves in ongoing.....well said my insightful friend:>)
        • Sep 17 2012: Dear Colleen
          ""knowing" ourselves is really important.....in my humble opinion, it provides us with information to make better choices."

          I toally agree :D This advice if especially for teenagers who wonder what they really want to pursue in the near future.
          I think even many adults fail to "know" themselves and regret the choices they've made so far. If they had heard this thing, they would have said, "I should have known this thing beforehand...!"

          Warm regards~ :)
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        Sep 16 2012: P.S.
        I just remembered another good thing about knowing ourselves Elizabeth. The more we explore our "self", the more information we have that may help us understand others...make any sense?
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        Sep 17 2012: I agree Elizabeth....many adults do not know themselves well, and are often acting/reacting with a "knee jerk" reaction (are you familier with that term?) based on past experiences.

        There have been times in my life when I discovered something about myself and thought...why didn't I know that about myself before? It seems so simple! I believe that we can get to "know" ourselves on many different levels throughout the life experience. Usually, taking in more information means we may be seeing and evaluating things from another perspective. The more information we are open to, the more possibilities we have to learn and grow. If we are open minded/open hearted, curious, and genuinely exploring the life experience, we may be taking in new information all the time, and providing ourselves with more possibilities.

        You say..."I think even many adults fail to "know" themselves and regret the choices they've made so far".

        I agree...those are the folks who think they "know" themselves well, always think they are "right" and stop exploring in a meaningful way.

        Changing something in ourselves usually involves many different factors, and sometimes, we cannot see all the possibilities. That's why it can be important to be always open minded/open hearted, curious, and genuinely exploring the life experience. I perceive it as an enjoyable and interesting adventure:>)
        • Sep 17 2012: "many adults do not know themselves well, and are often acting/reacting with a "knee jerk" "many adults do not know themselves well, and are often acting/reacting with a "knee jerk" reaction (are you familier with that term?) based on past experiences. "
          lol I get it. And when they are acting like that they seem so sure about everything—even though sometimes they aren’t sure about anything.

          "taking in more information means we may be seeing and evaluating things from another perspective"
          Precisely. You really pointed it out well.. :p
          From many TEDsters' perspectives, I’ve learned so many things and also about myself.
          I've found the hidden possibilities of others and also myself.

          And as you say that being open minded is really essential to our lives.
          Could be a little hurtful to us, but mostly, useful to us.

          Btw, would it be impertinent to say that you sometimes seem so naive like children? lol
          'Cause I love people being childlike and naive. That’s one of the things I like about you.
          And you know what? I believe being simple-hearted, naive, and plucky like a child surely gives us an opportunity, which adults can't get owing to their arrogant and narrow-minded attitude, to "genuinely explore the life experience."

          LOVE your attitude! :-)
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        Sep 17 2012: Dear Elizabeth,
        I take that as a lovely compliment....that I am child-like:>) It is true....I am indeed, in many ways, and I like that you noticed it:>) I too am simple-hearted, and have the curiosity and unconditional love of a child:>)

        Many adults are looking for those child-like qualities that they gave up....trust, honesty, curiosity, a feeling of exploration and adventure. We're supposed to "grow up", and in my humble perception, we DO NOT have to give up those qualities. We can still be joyful, silly and naive at times. That's the good thing about "knowing" ourselves! We have many choices regarding what we will think, feel, and how we act/react at any given time....don't you think?

        Like when I was an advocate for kids in state custody for example. I put away the child-like characteristicts, and behaved with knowledge and authority because I wanted those kids to be taken care of, and I had the authority to get some things done for them. That was no time to be silly and naive....you see? At other times, I draw on other characteristics to be all that I can be, and it's ALL part of our personality. I think you already know this about yourself.....I'm just reminding you:>)

        How can open minded be hurtful?
        • Sep 18 2012: You know, when we are open to everyone we meet, some people would hurt our feelings.
          That’s why people who think they’re wise and cautious take a defensive attitude when they’re told to open up to someone.
          Besides, you know that forgiving someone also requires a fully open minded attitude.
          I would say even for a child, it's quite difficult to forgive someone who's done something bad to him.
          When people recognize that being open to anyone only makes them "weak", they stop being open-minded and close their mind--as I said earlier, to protect themselves.
          In that way, I think being open minded could be a little hurtful to people who take that attitude.
          But I realized that being vulnerable is really powerful when it comes to fostering our creativity after watching Brene's -The power of vulnerability- :-) You know this talk, right? The vulnerability researcher! Lol I admire her, btw.

          And again, I really meant it when I said that you’re childlike :)
          Hope you keep that precious attitude as long as you can.
          Think about what makes you beautiful.
          That kind of attitude would be the first thing to cross your mind, I bet.
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          Sep 18 2012: hello colleen
          may be there are differences between countries .but i totally agree with you
          many people are looking for childhood

          but i think they may have different purposes.some people looking for childhood just for kindness.happiness.thus they may have a happier life .while some are not .they look for it judt in order to hide their evil.so we may be cheated.also there are others like just in order not to hurt other people'feeling.or enjoy others

          so as for me .i dont like to do it nor do i open my mind to others like Elizabeth mentioned.yes it may be hurt. for example yesterday i askede my classmates if the teacher had called the roll.(i didn't go to class)and he told me yes the teacher had .and he would give it to the headmaster!how sad i am .so i get up and go to class hurrily.while when i got there nothing had happened.oh my god i just want to cry ! i think i do not trust you any more.

          so i think we should just try our best to do things better!
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        Sep 18 2012: Dear Elizabeth and Chen,
        You both make some excellent points, and bring up some good ideas.

        I suggest that feeling hurt is a choice. We can take in the information another person gives us, evaluate it as it might relate to us, and accept it as truth.....or not. When we "know" ourselves, we do not need to feel hurt by someone's words.

        For example, there is a person here on TED who calls me all kinds of nasty names...he is unkind and abrasive to a LOT of people. I have gotten enough feedback in my life, and explored myself to the deepest levels, to know that I am a kind, compassionate person who reaches out to people with respect. Whatever he says, is a reflection on himself....not on me or the other people he tries to demean. We are like mirrors to each other, reflecting information back and forth all the time.

        That being said, if we think we need to "forgive", we had to first blame a person for something....yes? What is the point in blaming, or feeling hurt by someone elses unkindness, which is a reflection on him/her....not on us?

        Elizabeth, you say..."When people recognize that being open to anyone only makes them "weak", they stop being open-minded and close their mind...to protect themselves".

        When we know and trust ourselves, there is nothing to "protect". We are what we are, and we are clear about that. Vulnerability IS strong and powerful WHEN we KNOW ourselves. It is NOT strong and powerful if we do not know ourselves.....make any sense? Yes, I am familier with Brene's talks....she is very insightful.

        It seems like people from all countries are searching for peace and contentment in themselves, and that comes with many of the child-like qualities....truth, honesty, curiosity, open heart and mind, respect.....unconditional love. Perhaps if people embrace these qualities, their "evil" will not be so strong?

        Chen, perhaps your friend is a trickster? Perhaps he was trying to get you to school where you were supposed to be? LOL:>)
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          Sep 18 2012: Hi Colleen! such a long time.

          Please allow me to pick up on one thing you raised in your comment. You say that feeling hurt is a choice. My contention is that we have no control on that feeling, but we learn to be in control on what we do with that feeling.

          I can tell you that I have practiced for many years, and like you, I tend to let go of those things that are said or done that tend to make me feel hurt.

          I have not stopped feeling hurt entirely, but I do not react to it as i used to when I was a kid.

          Starting the process of letting go of the feeling once we understand it's cause is definitely a choice!

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        Sep 18 2012: Hello Andres,
        It has indeed been awhile. It appears that you took a break from TED.....glad you're back:>)

        "Feeling hurt is a choice", is a concept I was introduced to 35 years ago when I read "Pulling your own strings" by Wayne Dyer (available on line).

        It was a time in my life when a person I loved very much didn't have much good to say to me, or about me. I began to take on the abusive, demeaning words and felt terribly hurt most of the time. A very good friend, a psychologist, could see what was happening, and gave me the book.

        The basic idea in the book is that no one can "make" us feel hurt or unhappy. It is exactly as you say Andres...once we understand the feeling, the cause, the source, and all the dynamics, we can let go of hurt, and in fact, get to the point where we instantly recognize all the factors, so we do not take it on at all.

        There are a couple other concepts that help with the process too...projecting and leveling. People often try to "project" onto us their own insecurity and discontent. Leveling, is a method by which people try to bring us to their level of insecurity and discontent. These are all personality traits which people use either consciously or unconsciously to help themselves feel better....or so they think. The end result, is that it causes discontent for everyone.

        I respect how you feel about this issue. I'm here to tell you that feeling hurt is a choice....been there...done it....changed my way of thinking, which changed the way I feel, which changed the life experience for me:>)

        cheers my friend:>)
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    Sep 11 2012: Personality does matter, but it shouldn't be the base of judgment. There;s more to someone than just a 1-dimensional personality.
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        Sep 11 2012: How do you define personality?
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          Sep 11 2012: Having been a professional actor for years, I want to clarify something in the previous comment.

          All characters share all the same emotions. There are not certain emotions within personality types. Emotions manifest differently in different people.

          Since many people interpret and understand a story differently, both in the life experience AND in an audience, one does NOT need to be at "the level of understanding that the author targeted". One simply needs to be present.
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        Sep 11 2012: Yep, I was asking because my definition of personality does not quite encompass the whole EQ, but merely the exterior and doesn't go beyond much past the labels. This may not be the correct definition of personality that which may be defined in the dictionary, but it is, imo, the commonly used definition. This goes the same for most of the definitions of terms I use, which are like 90% based on my intuition than what a dictionary says. So that is why it was a little confusing for me with the way you used personality as something much more than the exterior.

        I want to consider myself as one who has high EQ, but of course that is for you and my peers to decide. My self-proclamation may be viewed as arrogance, but I view it as self-confidence in myself.
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        Sep 12 2012: @Colleen

        I didn't know you were an actress, that's interesting to know :)
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          Sep 12 2012: Yes James, that was one of my career adventures for about 10 years. It kind of pursued me around age 30-35, so I jumped into the exploration. It provided the opportunity to explore many personalities and experience thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions those personalities may experience. It was a wonderful opportunity to learn, grow and evolve by "putting myself in the shoes" of another person. It facilitated more connections with many different personality "types", and continued to open the heart and mind, helping to create more compassion and empathy. There were many lessons learned with the experience, which I brought into my personal life.

          You've heard of psychodrama? Well, I had my own "practice" of exploring my own personas and those of other "characters", while getting pay and applause!!!! How perfect is that? Can you think of any other profession where a person can be a nun and a hooker in the same summer? (Summer stock theater) LOL!
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        Sep 12 2012: @Colleen

        The best stories are usually the ones with the best characters imo. I'm no actor but I like to use stories as a medium for character studies and analysis. But it's pretty cool that you had the opportunity to be an actress professionally, it's like meeting celebrities lol
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          Sep 12 2012: I agree James...the best stories are usually the ones with the best characters. It is a GREAT idea to use stories as a "character study". I prefered to play the roles of real "meaty" characters rather than the ingenue, because they were much more interesting to explore. In the real life "scene", I LOVE interacting in diverse groups of people and many different personality "types", because it offers an opportunity for all of us to learn and grow together.

          I totally agree with your statement above James...
          "Personality does matter, but it shouldn't be the base of judgment. There;s more to someone than just a 1-dimensional personality".

          It is all the other dimensions that we may discover when we suspend any judgement, and are open to the personas/characteristics that may be underneith what a person is projecting as a "personality".

          I'm not a celebrity James....I'm just another little old person....just like you.....except you're a young person...one I appreciate.....oh....I forgot....I'm not supposed to flatter you any more....yeah.....right!!!:>)
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        Sep 12 2012: Are any of the works you were involved in on imdb?

        LOL oh no, go ahead and continue the flattery :P
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    • Sep 11 2012: Hi Don
      Yes, if I use my compassionate personality to help others it would be so wonderful....
      Btw, I've always thought that without sincerity, being agreeable, friendly, approachable and attractive could be a little too superficial...
      Many employers require not only competent graduates, but also people with flexible, positive, and sociable attitude. It seems to me that we're living in a world where people are consciously or unconsciously being forced to shape their own personalities to meet the expectation of the society we live in.

      If, let's say, a very famous company you really really aspire to get hired wants you to be very approachable, and favorable in order to attract lots of customers.
      And let’s say actually you're rather a person with calm and blunt attitude.

      However, you are willing to change your personality--in this case, your attitude--just to get employed even if you don't want to pretend that you're a very approachable person--you think it's insincere for you to do so.

      So, whether you like it or not, you got to change the way you’ve treated people so far even if that means you become a bit insincere to the people you meet.

      As time goes by, you might wonder, "What is real me? Is the society manipulating my personal traits? "
      Well, it's a bit unconvincing example. So might say, "Then, find another company where they look for people like you."
      Anyway, what do you think?
      Using good personality to help others is definitely a good thing to do.
      But what if it's not from my heart? What if that is not who I am?
      What if I get sick and tired of being favorable or seemingly flexible?

      I agree with you, but I just want to know what you think about these questions.

      I think being sincere even if I don't seem to be so, is more important than having a "good", "compassionate" personality.

      What do you think?
      Hope you understand what I mean..:)

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        Sep 12 2012: "It seems to me that we're living in a world where people are consciously or unconsciously being forced to shape their own personalities to meet the expectation of the society we live in."

        That's one incredible quote that hits the core of the relationship between the individual and society. You can always change your personality and how you treat/address each person, but you should not or cannot change who you are deep down.

        And the willingness or flexibility to change your personality to open up to some people can also be seen as a measure of degree of open-mindedness or close-mindedness. More open people imo are hardworking communicators, whereas closed people are lazy communicators. And I guess you may be able to say that the close-minded people focus more on Content, but the open-minded people focus more on Form.

        Different people use different languages to communicate the same message. When you say "I love your outfit" to a lady, it's supposed to be a message of complement, or a sign of respect. When you say "Holy crap, what's with dat pro-ass micro skillz, 500 clicks/min damn son" that's a sign of respect and also a complement to a Starcraft gamer. They're different languages used to convey the same content. When talking to Steve Jobs, whenever he says that your proposed idea sucks (he says this all the time lol), you are expected to rebel against him and say "No you're wrong, this idea is actually good because of this, this, and this." Steve Jobs sees that as a sign of respect because he respects rebellious attitudes against the norms.
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    Sep 11 2012: Personality is the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral response patterns of an individual. However I would not judge people on that trait. As you probally read in some of my posts I worked in a prison. I knew mass murders that were nice guys, one guy married over 100 women, all of them were real nice ... as long as things went their way. Con men can be anything that you want them to be. Recall that con is short for confidence. When I took drugs away from these nice guys they put out a hit on me, my family, and my dog.

    You only show what you want others to see. Why would that not be true of them also.

    Personality is but one factor in the assessment of the whole person.

    Believe half of what you see and less of what you hear.

    All the best. Bob.
    • Sep 11 2012: "You only show what you want others to see. Why would that not be true of them also."
      Interesting and profound view, indeed!

      So....my ultimate question again is....do you think personality matters?
      I still don’t get that whether you think personality is important or not.
      Do you think being attractive, agreeable, and confident including all of the factors of personality is not the thing we should care about?

      Being just myself--awkward way to put it, though--without considering others opinions is also showing what I want others to see?

      We can, and sometimes unconsciously, we do change our personalities as time goes by.
      And in the mean time, people around me “define--so to speak—me” according to the way I talk, the way I behave, and my attitude. And sometimes I let them see what I don't want them to see.

      Want to hear what you think :)
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          Sep 11 2012: A person facing indecision, is not going to hell Don....that is ridiculous!!!
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        Sep 11 2012: Yes people change their personna in order to be accepted. Which leads me right back to the previous comment ... Personality is but one factor in evaluating the whole person. When I was first in the military my best friend (for the moment) set me up with his girlfriends best friend and said she has a great personality. Translated means ... even if she has to wear a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her .. you are going to have a good time ... you owe me. She was great and we had a wonderful time. The point is that once upon a time the phrase "she has a great personality" set off bell, whistles and alarms.

        Would you marry a guy just because he was good looking. No. There is much more to relationship than looks .... or personality ... or a good dancer ..... or (you name it).

        To people who want you defined by your company that is handy. They were never your friends or they would judge you as you are.

        In Psycho classes we took a whole bunch of tests and I always came up as "what you see is what you get" and that pretty well defines me.

        Good luck Bob.
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          Sep 11 2012: I LOVE it Robert....."what you see is what you get"! I LOVE saying what I mean....meaning what I say.....say what I do....do what I say.....in other words......walk my talk!

          That was one of my "faults" according to my wasband (was my husband). He often accused me of "wearing my feelings on my shoulders". My perception was....."well YEAH....why pretend to be something different than we really are"

          It causes a LOT of problems in one's life when we do not walk our talk, because eventually, things we said may come back and haunt us. If a person says one thing to one person, and another thing to another person, (or one thing on a comment thread and another thing on another comment thread, which I've seen here on TED with some people), it makes life very confusing! And as we get older, it's more and more difficult to maintain a personality that is not real.

          I LOVE the definition of YOU Bob. You are very consistant with your communications.....I admire and appreciate that:>)
  • Sep 9 2012: Hi Elizabeth

    How do you categorize people with Good and Bad?

    What exact behaviours are good or bad to you?

    How exactly can we know that if this person's joke can be as bad to others as it is to us?

    We can get along with everyone.
    We don't love every one in the same level

    We like people who are like us - who walks like us, talks like us, dress like us, and do stuff like we do.

    We do everything to be liked and avoid everything to be disliked.

    now whether they are good or bed it is only our mind puts it that way, they are as they are,

    but judging what we do first, even before we say hello to them, we judge people by their appearance.
    This non verbal signals tell as enough to come a conclusion which is in many cases are inappropriate conclusions.

    Judge not, and ya shall not be judged
    • Comment deleted

      • Sep 11 2012: Don,

        Thank you

        I do my best to fit in all the time. I spent half of my live in foreign lands.
        Meeting different culture and ethnicity made me myself to become multicultural above all having multi identity and personality.

        First understand then be understood!
        In life you have to give first without expecting to receive!
        What goes around comes around!
      • Sep 11 2012: Don,

        First of all I thank you. I am glad I left such an impression on you.
        I joined TED community last years too, I think around September.

        you made references to my good work on your blog,
        What that could be? How can I find and read it?
        Could you help me with that please?

  • Sep 19 2012: Is the answer too obvious?

    :( not really
    There sure be more things we could discuss.
    Any other interesting thoughts? :)
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    Sep 15 2012: i don't know what it is in south korea,but in china it does matter,sometimes people like to pretend so maybe he looks good and what he dose looks right ,in fact it is oppersite,while someone doesn'tlook good enough while maybe he is a good gay!so what i want to say is that DO NOT judge a person at the first sight .maybe time can check out just stayand you will find!
  • Sep 13 2012: Another quesiton.
    Can personaltiy be the main factor of one's success?
    If so, why?
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      Sep 14 2012: Yes, because being successful can sometimes have a lot to do with image and first impressions and the personality is all about image.

      But really, it depends on the context of success.
      • Sep 15 2012: Hi, James
        "being successful can sometimes have a lot to do with image and first impressions..."
        Well, if someone is promoted because of his diligent and sociable traits, you're right for that matter.

        But I think if that's the main reason for his success, personality is a mere means for shallow success..

        I know a woman in Korea who didn't fit in with others . She was a outsider when she was a teen.
        Even though she is still not amiable to anyone, eventually she succeeded in her business.
        And quite a lot of people admire her because of her incredible success.

        First impressions doesn't always play an important role in one's genuine success, if you ask me.

        But as you say "it depends on the context of success", I think you would understand what I mean.
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          Sep 15 2012: The importance of image and first impressions is awareness. People can't get to know you if they aren't even aware of you. And the second importance of image and first impressions is giving defining yourself correctly for them. If you give them the wrong definitions, usually it's really hard to change their initial definitions or viewpoints on you. As someone like a president, this is very crucial. Giving the wrong first impressions means you have to do more work to change their viewpoints to match the right impression.

          You can never get a second chance on first impressions.

          I mean sure, labels by all means don't tell you everything, but they still tell you a lot, and in a world where some people do not even have the time to look past labels, this is where labels and communication become very important.
      • Sep 15 2012: Your idea seems to be prevailing in a business world to some extent. By all means good, impressive first impression works. But if it’s all meant to impress others, first impression doesn’t last. We see some corrupted politicians who seemed to be trustworthy at first disappoint their people. People get infuriated because they believed that they wouldn’t do such things. The politicians would by far fail because people think they’re no longer the way they were. The impact is bigger than if it would have been when they were not popular among people. So, if “image” you talk about is really crucial, then showing people how responsible I am for the impression I made should also be the priority. Because keeping your attitude according to your first impression helps you not to let others down. The more important thing is one’s spiritual resilience and luck—not lottery. Even if a person fails to make a good impression, if he’s decided to make his own way and has been willing to start over no matter what, there are a ton of opportunities waiting for him. Well, it all depends on how you define success in this scenario, but even seemingly successful people say that they aren’t successful. As you say, when image management is poor, it’s hard for us to tell people who we really are. And it seems convenient for us to succeed if we give people the right definitions of who we are in the first place. Personality—in this case the image that reflects your personality is important when it comes to one’s success, but being successful isn’t dependent on one’s personality. Because we happen to have this uncertainty of future that we can’t even predict anything precisely, and the things we do merely for success can’t always be the right answers. When you hear “miraculous life story” from a lot of successful people, you’d realize by which they mean “success” is more than being seemingly successful. Despite the fact that~~, thanks to ~~, they succeeded anyhow.
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          Sep 15 2012: Being consistent with the image you've created and being persistent after a failed first impression is a different topic, and you're right, that walking the talk is important too.

          There's also a misconception that the image is about attracting others by being someone who you are not. The image should be fully honest and real to oneself and the people who are attracted by that just comes naturally. If you're trying to get a job and you had to lie about yourself to them just to appear as the guy they want for the job, then the job just isn't for you and you aren't for the job. No party in this situation will benefit from that misrepresentation of yourself.
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          Sep 16 2012: Good points Elizabeth and James!

          Insightful exploration of personality and relationship to success!

          Elizabeth, you write...
          "We see some corrupted politicians who seemed to be trustworthy at first disappoint their people".

          Do you think that perhaps they project a different persona for the purpose of being elected? Then once elected they project something different? Maybe a personal agenda? One of the problems with politics and serving in an elected position, is that very few people actually examine the voting record or behavior of a politician once s/he is in office. Success, as defined by that person, may simply mean staying in office?

          James, you mention being consistent with the image we create and project, honesty, and misrepresentation. I feel that walking the talk is always important, and in my perception, a feeling of success in ourselves is as important as a "projection" of success. Can one honestly "feel" successful when being dishonest or misrepresenting oneself?
      • Sep 15 2012: Pointed out well :)
        So...do you think that ultmately your "perceived personality" from others--provided that it's almost who you are--plays the most important role in your success?
        Then, may I assume that you think success is dependent on others' perception?

        What is success to you?
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          Sep 15 2012: That all depends on you Liz.

          You're probably quite successful already.
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          Sep 16 2012: I would say yes, because there are a lot of people I like for who they are and likewise people who like me for who I am. I hate relationships that are built from lies.

          Success, imo, is more dependent on how you perceive yourself rather than how others perceive you. As in, just because someone else says you're successful or a failure does not dictate whether you are a success/failure, only you can confidently say whether you've succeeded/failed.

          So as for me, I want to make a big impact to the world in my own way. If I don't, then I'm not successful.
      • Sep 16 2012: I have to say it's wonderful for you to think that way.
        I sincerely respect your opinion, but then, how your saying that "Success, imo, is more dependent on how you perceive yourself rather than how others perceive you" can be related to your former comment, "being successful can sometimes have a lot to do with image and first impressions and the personality is all about image." ?
        Making your first impression has a lot to do with what “type” of person you want to be since as you say it's all about image, and the way you perceive yourself has a lot to do with who you really are. If the image clearly reflects the “real you”, it’s good for you, but then making good image shouldn’t be prioritized for success for sure. And if it should be, then it’s just for you or the people like you.

        You mean the interaction between yourself and the way others perceive "you" eventually lead you to be successful?
        --Lol it’s been a real conversation, btw

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          Sep 16 2012: "If the image clearly reflects the “real you”, it’s good for you, but then making good image shouldn’t be prioritized for success for sure"

          Well I mean it still is pretty dependent on the context of what you're trying to do.

          "You mean the interaction between yourself and the way others perceive "you" eventually lead you to be successful? "

          Yes... I think this applies to most things, wait are you referring to me when you say "you?"
      • Sep 17 2012: lol I have to admit I use "you" a lot.
        wasn't referring to you all the time.
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    Sep 12 2012: We cannot judge anyone's personal traits because people play games and we cannot see reason for their behavior nor motive.
    • Sep 13 2012: You're right in that we can't judge anyone's personal traits as long as it's just "we".
      But people judge us. They judge you.
      And we're here to raise a question for it with a frown on our faces.
      There must be more than just the way we behave or talk.
      And as some wise TED fellows here say, if we look into the deep inside of ourselves, there are also questions about our characters, each one's "true self", even the definition of personality, etc.

      So, what do you think? Do you think personality does matter? In what way?
      Please let us hear what you want to say :)