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Does personality matter?
We often judge people by their behaviors, attitudes, and basically their personalities.
And it seems like there are some people who have good(or attractive) personalities.
Well, if a person is too bad at getting along with others, he should at least do something about it. But we see a lot of bad people who are seemingly friendly, sociable, attractive and polite, but turns out really selfish and intolerant …..and vice versa.
Can we assume that an effort to change one's own, unique personality indicates that we're unconsciously afraid of being different from others?
Well, let’s just say having good personality matters.
But can we judge people by that?
Let's say there's a person who is bad at cracking jokes.
If he practices jokes everyday in order to be attractive even though that is not who he is, is he being confident about himself?
Elizabeth Gu 30+
:( not really
There sure be more things we could discuss.
Any other interesting thoughts? :)
chen xin
Eberhard Schmitz
to play many parts and they are most successful
Elizabeth Gu 30+
Can personaltiy be the main factor of one's success?
If so, why?
James Zhang 30+
But really, it depends on the context of success.
Elizabeth Gu 30+
"being successful can sometimes have a lot to do with image and first impressions..."
Well, if someone is promoted because of his diligent and sociable traits, you're right for that matter.
But I think if that's the main reason for his success, personality is a mere means for shallow success..
I know a woman in Korea who didn't fit in with others . She was a outsider when she was a teen.
Even though she is still not amiable to anyone, eventually she succeeded in her business.
And quite a lot of people admire her because of her incredible success.
First impressions doesn't always play an important role in one's genuine success, if you ask me.
But as you say "it depends on the context of success", I think you would understand what I mean.
James Zhang 30+
You can never get a second chance on first impressions.
I mean sure, labels by all means don't tell you everything, but they still tell you a lot, and in a world where some people do not even have the time to look past labels, this is where labels and communication become very important.
Elizabeth Gu 30+
James Zhang 30+
There's also a misconception that the image is about attracting others by being someone who you are not. The image should be fully honest and real to oneself and the people who are attracted by that just comes naturally. If you're trying to get a job and you had to lie about yourself to them just to appear as the guy they want for the job, then the job just isn't for you and you aren't for the job. No party in this situation will benefit from that misrepresentation of yourself.
Colleen Steen 500+
Insightful exploration of personality and relationship to success!
Elizabeth, you write...
"We see some corrupted politicians who seemed to be trustworthy at first disappoint their people".
Do you think that perhaps they project a different persona for the purpose of being elected? Then once elected they project something different? Maybe a personal agenda? One of the problems with politics and serving in an elected position, is that very few people actually examine the voting record or behavior of a politician once s/he is in office. Success, as defined by that person, may simply mean staying in office?
James, you mention being consistent with the image we create and project, honesty, and misrepresentation. I feel that walking the talk is always important, and in my perception, a feeling of success in ourselves is as important as a "projection" of success. Can one honestly "feel" successful when being dishonest or misrepresenting oneself?
Elizabeth Gu 30+
So...do you think that ultmately your "perceived personality" from others--provided that it's almost who you are--plays the most important role in your success?
Then, may I assume that you think success is dependent on others' perception?
What is success to you?
Ken brown 30+
You're probably quite successful already.
James Zhang 30+
Success, imo, is more dependent on how you perceive yourself rather than how others perceive you. As in, just because someone else says you're successful or a failure does not dictate whether you are a success/failure, only you can confidently say whether you've succeeded/failed.
So as for me, I want to make a big impact to the world in my own way. If I don't, then I'm not successful.
Elizabeth Gu 30+
I sincerely respect your opinion, but then, how your saying that "Success, imo, is more dependent on how you perceive yourself rather than how others perceive you" can be related to your former comment, "being successful can sometimes have a lot to do with image and first impressions and the personality is all about image." ?
Making your first impression has a lot to do with what “type” of person you want to be since as you say it's all about image, and the way you perceive yourself has a lot to do with who you really are. If the image clearly reflects the “real you”, it’s good for you, but then making good image shouldn’t be prioritized for success for sure. And if it should be, then it’s just for you or the people like you.
You mean the interaction between yourself and the way others perceive "you" eventually lead you to be successful?
--Lol it’s been a real conversation, btw
Regards~
James Zhang 30+
Well I mean it still is pretty dependent on the context of what you're trying to do.
"You mean the interaction between yourself and the way others perceive "you" eventually lead you to be successful? "
Yes... I think this applies to most things, wait are you referring to me when you say "you?"
Elizabeth Gu 30+
wasn't referring to you all the time.
Helen Hupe 30+
Elizabeth Gu 30+
But people judge us. They judge you.
And we're here to raise a question for it with a frown on our faces.
There must be more than just the way we behave or talk.
And as some wise TED fellows here say, if we look into the deep inside of ourselves, there are also questions about our characters, each one's "true self", even the definition of personality, etc.
So, what do you think? Do you think personality does matter? In what way?
Please let us hear what you want to say :)
Regards~
Sam Rock
because when we judge someone then we have made some predictions which may be true or not... for example we may think if he/she do this then good otherwise bad but while doing this we forget that every person has different personality. Here comes the personality. If we want to help someone then two people of different personality can help in the same way but definitely one may get more noticed only because of personality.
Don Wesley 50+
As a Christian, we do have a duty, to our fellow Brothers to point out their short comings [sins]to them, in private.
I do use the Bible as my guide to a system of moral values which are best for me.
Other individuals may choose another system which best for them. That is OK with me.
I accept the beliefs of everyone.
And I sit with others in Joy to solve problems.
What I have said above, has been said by the "Dalai Lama" himself.
Peace and all the best to you and until soon .
Don Wesley [From The Silent Generation - the 30's]
Fritzie Reisner 100+
The same done in public is often only for the benefit of the accuser, for show. Teachers in their training are also taught to try to handle private issues in private. Some still use a tactic of shaming kids in public, but it only fostors resentment and fear where cooperation and collaboration should be the rule.
Don Wesley 50+
Without the knowledge of sinful behavior pre-instilled, in the child; the teacher has no way to rebuke. As a former school commissioner, I know the frustrations teachers have not being able to control "children of rage." They are being accused and sued by parents.
Furthermore I am and have always been a nurturing father.
The Bible does offer situational Principles for guidance in such matters; Proverbs. Spare the Rod and Spoil...
Many parents refuse cooperation and collaboration. Should we use the Criminal Code.
Teachers in the area I am now living are taking early retirement because they are being “cruelly hurt” in work they used to love.
Fritzie, may I suggest that those who come to TED conversations, are not children?
I bring the Good with me and where there is Good, the accusers will be there in numbers.
This type of conversation, is valuable at this dangerous time in our lives.
I too receive many private emails from TED members who support the word I am spreading, but feel vulnerable to being cruelly accused and abused. I will make mistakes and apologize when breaching the rules of civil conversation.
Peace and all the best to you and until soon .
Don Wesley
Colleen Steen 500+
Have you ever heard the saying....those who live in glass houses should not throw stones?
I read all the testimony in the court documents regarding your hearing for which YOU provided the link here on TED. Are you ready to deal with truth?
You are absolutely right Don...those who come to TED are not children, nor are we unaware of your past. So, it would behoove you to stop preaching and pointing out other people's "sins".
Fritzie Reisner 100+
I was not suggesting people here were children. I only used as an example that teachers try to work with kids on sensitive issues in private without an audience, because it takes any sort of show away.
I think it works best that way regardless of age.
I also appreciated your saying you "accept the beliefs of everyone." Not everyone does.
Don Wesley 50+
I welcome your kind words and understand and accept you guidance as a Host for TED.
And also as an independent thinker.
Until soon,
Aware of and caring about you All.
Don [From The Silent Generation - 1930's]
Don Wesley 50+
The complexity of emotional expressions are beyond words;
we just believe what we feel; awesome Power.
We find logical belief with scholarly work.
Here is an example that the majority believes; most emotional and touchy performance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY37l4PDsao&feature=related
James Zhang 30+
Now I feel like I gotta share you one of my favorite works:
Acceptance - Ryuichi Sakamoto: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS6U6rb--OI&list=PL58AAAD5D420260C7&index=16&feature=plpp_video
Different in Quality, but almost equal in quantity
Colleen Steen 500+
"Acceptance" is beautiful James....thanks for that treasure. In my perception, acceptance is a big part of how personality matters. As Elizabeth insightfully says in her indroduction...
"We often judge people by their behaviors, attitudes, and basically their personalities".
When we accept people without judgement, we have a better chance of connecting with more people on deeper levels.
For example, because I have disagreed with Mr. Wesley, he has called me the devil, evil, demon, representative of the devil, etc. I do not take these accusations personally because he says the same things about other people here on TED. He has apparently judged me and others based on the fact that we do not agree. That's kind of sad in my perception, because it is a missed opportunity.
Don Wesley 50+
http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Miscellaneous-Information/Dante.aspx
“One of President Kennedy's favourite quotations was based upon an interpretation of Dante's Inferno. As Robert Kennedy explained in 1964, "President Kennedy's favorite quote was really from Dante,
'The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of moral crisis preserve their neutrality.'"
This supposed quotation is not actually in Dante's work, but is based upon a similiar one. In the Inferno, Dante and his guide Virgil, on their way to Hell, pass by a group of dead souls outside the entrance to Hell. These individuals, when alive, remained neutral at a time of great moral decision. Virgil explains to Dante that these souls cannot enter either Heaven or Hell because they did not choose one side or another. They are therefore worse than the greatest sinners in Hell because they are repugnant to both God and Satan alike, and have been left to mourn their fate as insignificant beings neither hailed nor cursed in life or death, endlessly travailing below Heaven but outside of Hell. This scene occurs in the third canto of the Inferno (the following is a translation from the original written in the Italian vernacular): “
Feyisayo Anjorin 50+
I agree with Colleen about knowing oneself. We all have our strong points; but most of the time we belittle the good things we have and we try too hard to be who we are not in order to be accepted by people. what a waste!
We should try to be the best of who we are; we should not aim at being attractive as an end in itself. If we try too hard to be accepted and attractive we become too self conscious; and eventually we will be disappointed.
Don Wesley 50+
A compassionate reply, with a lesson for humanity.
We cannot repeat the lesson enough; it is the Truth.
Very Good work, Feyisayo Anjorin,
Don Wesley
Fritzie Reisner 100+
For some, this means tackling some issues along the way that do not work well in human interaction, however authentic they are for the person in question. Those with inclinations to venomous anger or violence are an example. These people if they'walk their talk," would rain hurt on and otherwise oppress others as a way of expressing and venting their own anger.
Here is a case where diverting the hostile, angry, and intolerant personality to a punching bag in the basement would be better.
Colleen Steen 500+
Yes.....I believe personality matters. I believe we all have "personas", "characters" and "archetypes" we draw from to create our personalities. That's why it helps a lot to "know thyself" throughout the life experience.
You say..."we see a lot of bad people who are seemingly friendly, sociable, attractive and polite, but turns out really selfish and intolerant …..and vice versa."
I suggest that most people are trying to get what they think they want or need from the life experience, and they/we use various methods to achieve that goal.
When we "know" ourselves, we can usually "feel" whether or not another person is being honest with the personality s/he projects. It "feels" very clear when a person is not walking his/her talk. Anyone can have a seemingly friendly, sociable, attractive and polite personality. We've seen abusive people, murderers, rapists, convicted felons of all kinds with friendly, sociable polite personalities. We need to listen, and pay attention to the underlying messages of these folks to determine who may be projecting what is not really honest.
Fritzie Reisner 100+
I think when people write things in different threads that seem inconsistent, it can be either that they are still working through their thoughts and beliefs and therefore are not yet consistent on the point. Or one can believe in something rationally but not be there yet in fact.
Colleen Steen 500+
If one has a personality trait of always trying to be right, s/he may alter information to feel "right". If one has a personality trait which allows exploration, s/he would not be afraid to allow people to witness the exploration....that to me, projects confidence.
Fritzie Reisner 100+
In a learning environment needing to be right before venturing forth is so stifling.
Colleen Steen 500+
You are an educator by profession, and I was an educator by invitation...without an education background. When I guest lectured at the university, I always encouraged the students to ask questions and open the class for discussion as soon as possible. That was much more enjoyable for me rather than talking for 2-3 hours! It gives me joy and pleasure to be a catalyst for people to discover their own answers with information, exploration and participation.
Fritzie Reisner 100+
Colleen Steen 500+
Actually, I was never a good student in the classroom setting. I learn much better by experiencing. So, that's what I tried to provide to the students:>) I DID IT MY WAY.....LOL
Fritzie Reisner 100+
Universities have had an interesting relationship with discourse, because generations of university students have listened to lectures from the instructor but then have gone to small discussion sections to hash things out for themselves with peers. This was already true in the sixties and likely earlier And teaching in some subjects has been interactive for a very long time, for example in the very popular Socratic format.
Colleen Steen 500+
Similar to my experience in the classroom setting....the large classes were broken down into discussion groups which I helped facilitate.
Elizabeth Gu 30+
(I wasn't really able to add my comments on TED site for a moment.
I should have read all TED fellows' comments earlier. Those are great!)
Your "know thyself" lesson made me ponder about this question again.
After reading your and others' comments, I realized that a person needs to know himself thoroughly as long as he can.
Quite often, a person doesn't know the reason why he happens to have this trait, or this trait, etc.
One's personality is consists of many things including genetic factors, personal experiences--and the ways he has overcome those obstacles, and the surroundings around him.
Some reflect the real "you" while others don't.
And it's possible that those traits that do not really reflect yourself are come from your defensive attitude.
To protect yourself from the feeling that you're alone, people's hurtful remarks, sense of inferiority, and the possibilities that you can be rejected by others....and so on.
And while thinking about those things, you(I'm not talking about Colleen, but including myself, and others.) might discover the truth that your personality is some sort of mixture. Some pure ingredients taste good in your mouth, others ruin the taste of it.
And through the relationships with your friends or someone you love, you might hear things like, "It's not like you"
And whenever you hear this thing, you might realize that this journey is ongoing
Colleen Steen 500+
I enjoy reading your insightful comments as well my friend:>)
I believe that to "know thyself" is a very important concept in the life experience. If we do not "know" ourselves well, we deprive ourselves of an opportunity to learn. What is the point of taking in information if we do not know how to apply it to the life experience?
You are absolutely correct Elizabeth...quite often, people don't know the reason they have certain personality traits. Are the personality traits simply picked up from parents? Society? Cultures? Influenced by our experiences? Etc.?Or do we consciously, with mindful awareness make choices regarding what personality traits we want to project? We have choices. If we are not aware of the choices, however, they do not exist for us. So, "knowing" ourselves is really important.....in my humble opinion, it provides us with information to make better choices.
I suggest that once we "know" ourselves well, there is no need for a "defensive attitude". We are what we are, and are content projecting what is truly in our heart and mind. Those who have a "defensive attitude" are simply showing us that s/he is insecure in him/herself.
I agree Elizabeth, that our personalities are generally a mixture of many factors, and our journey to "know" ourselves in ongoing.....well said my insightful friend:>)
Elizabeth Gu 30+
""knowing" ourselves is really important.....in my humble opinion, it provides us with information to make better choices."
I toally agree :D This advice if especially for teenagers who wonder what they really want to pursue in the near future.
I think even many adults fail to "know" themselves and regret the choices they've made so far. If they had heard this thing, they would have said, "I should have known this thing beforehand...!"
Warm regards~ :)
Colleen Steen 500+
I just remembered another good thing about knowing ourselves Elizabeth. The more we explore our "self", the more information we have that may help us understand others...make any sense?
Colleen Steen 500+
There have been times in my life when I discovered something about myself and thought...why didn't I know that about myself before? It seems so simple! I believe that we can get to "know" ourselves on many different levels throughout the life experience. Usually, taking in more information means we may be seeing and evaluating things from another perspective. The more information we are open to, the more possibilities we have to learn and grow. If we are open minded/open hearted, curious, and genuinely exploring the life experience, we may be taking in new information all the time, and providing ourselves with more possibilities.
You say..."I think even many adults fail to "know" themselves and regret the choices they've made so far".
I agree...those are the folks who think they "know" themselves well, always think they are "right" and stop exploring in a meaningful way.
Changing something in ourselves usually involves many different factors, and sometimes, we cannot see all the possibilities. That's why it can be important to be always open minded/open hearted, curious, and genuinely exploring the life experience. I perceive it as an enjoyable and interesting adventure:>)
Elizabeth Gu 30+
lol I get it. And when they are acting like that they seem so sure about everything—even though sometimes they aren’t sure about anything.
"taking in more information means we may be seeing and evaluating things from another perspective"
Precisely. You really pointed it out well.. :p
From many TEDsters' perspectives, I’ve learned so many things and also about myself.
I've found the hidden possibilities of others and also myself.
And as you say that being open minded is really essential to our lives.
Could be a little hurtful to us, but mostly, useful to us.
Btw, would it be impertinent to say that you sometimes seem so naive like children? lol
'Cause I love people being childlike and naive. That’s one of the things I like about you.
And you know what? I believe being simple-hearted, naive, and plucky like a child surely gives us an opportunity, which adults can't get owing to their arrogant and narrow-minded attitude, to "genuinely explore the life experience."
LOVE your attitude! :-)
Colleen Steen 500+
I take that as a lovely compliment....that I am child-like:>) It is true....I am indeed, in many ways, and I like that you noticed it:>) I too am simple-hearted, and have the curiosity and unconditional love of a child:>)
Many adults are looking for those child-like qualities that they gave up....trust, honesty, curiosity, a feeling of exploration and adventure. We're supposed to "grow up", and in my humble perception, we DO NOT have to give up those qualities. We can still be joyful, silly and naive at times. That's the good thing about "knowing" ourselves! We have many choices regarding what we will think, feel, and how we act/react at any given time....don't you think?
Like when I was an advocate for kids in state custody for example. I put away the child-like characteristicts, and behaved with knowledge and authority because I wanted those kids to be taken care of, and I had the authority to get some things done for them. That was no time to be silly and naive....you see? At other times, I draw on other characteristics to be all that I can be, and it's ALL part of our personality. I think you already know this about yourself.....I'm just reminding you:>)
How can open minded be hurtful?
Elizabeth Gu 30+
That’s why people who think they’re wise and cautious take a defensive attitude when they’re told to open up to someone.
Besides, you know that forgiving someone also requires a fully open minded attitude.
I would say even for a child, it's quite difficult to forgive someone who's done something bad to him.
When people recognize that being open to anyone only makes them "weak", they stop being open-minded and close their mind--as I said earlier, to protect themselves.
In that way, I think being open minded could be a little hurtful to people who take that attitude.
But I realized that being vulnerable is really powerful when it comes to fostering our creativity after watching Brene's -The power of vulnerability- :-) You know this talk, right? The vulnerability researcher! Lol I admire her, btw.
And again, I really meant it when I said that you’re childlike :)
Hope you keep that precious attitude as long as you can.
Think about what makes you beautiful.
That kind of attitude would be the first thing to cross your mind, I bet.
chen xin
may be there are differences between countries .but i totally agree with you
many people are looking for childhood
.
but i think they may have different purposes.some people looking for childhood just for kindness.happiness.thus they may have a happier life .while some are not .they look for it judt in order to hide their evil.so we may be cheated.also there are others like just in order not to hurt other people'feeling.or enjoy others
so as for me .i dont like to do it nor do i open my mind to others like Elizabeth mentioned.yes it may be hurt. for example yesterday i askede my classmates if the teacher had called the roll.(i didn't go to class)and he told me yes the teacher had .and he would give it to the headmaster!how sad i am .so i get up and go to class hurrily.while when i got there nothing had happened.oh my god i just want to cry ! i think i do not trust you any more.
so i think we should just try our best to do things better!
Colleen Steen 500+
You both make some excellent points, and bring up some good ideas.
I suggest that feeling hurt is a choice. We can take in the information another person gives us, evaluate it as it might relate to us, and accept it as truth.....or not. When we "know" ourselves, we do not need to feel hurt by someone's words.
For example, there is a person here on TED who calls me all kinds of nasty names...he is unkind and abrasive to a LOT of people. I have gotten enough feedback in my life, and explored myself to the deepest levels, to know that I am a kind, compassionate person who reaches out to people with respect. Whatever he says, is a reflection on himself....not on me or the other people he tries to demean. We are like mirrors to each other, reflecting information back and forth all the time.
That being said, if we think we need to "forgive", we had to first blame a person for something....yes? What is the point in blaming, or feeling hurt by someone elses unkindness, which is a reflection on him/her....not on us?
Elizabeth, you say..."When people recognize that being open to anyone only makes them "weak", they stop being open-minded and close their mind...to protect themselves".
When we know and trust ourselves, there is nothing to "protect". We are what we are, and we are clear about that. Vulnerability IS strong and powerful WHEN we KNOW ourselves. It is NOT strong and powerful if we do not know ourselves.....make any sense? Yes, I am familier with Brene's talks....she is very insightful.
Chen,
It seems like people from all countries are searching for peace and contentment in themselves, and that comes with many of the child-like qualities....truth, honesty, curiosity, open heart and mind, respect.....unconditional love. Perhaps if people embrace these qualities, their "evil" will not be so strong?
Chen, perhaps your friend is a trickster? Perhaps he was trying to get you to school where you were supposed to be? LOL:>)
Andres Aullet 10+
Please allow me to pick up on one thing you raised in your comment. You say that feeling hurt is a choice. My contention is that we have no control on that feeling, but we learn to be in control on what we do with that feeling.
I can tell you that I have practiced for many years, and like you, I tend to let go of those things that are said or done that tend to make me feel hurt.
I have not stopped feeling hurt entirely, but I do not react to it as i used to when I was a kid.
Starting the process of letting go of the feeling once we understand it's cause is definitely a choice!
cheers
Colleen Steen 500+
It has indeed been awhile. It appears that you took a break from TED.....glad you're back:>)
"Feeling hurt is a choice", is a concept I was introduced to 35 years ago when I read "Pulling your own strings" by Wayne Dyer (available on line).
It was a time in my life when a person I loved very much didn't have much good to say to me, or about me. I began to take on the abusive, demeaning words and felt terribly hurt most of the time. A very good friend, a psychologist, could see what was happening, and gave me the book.
The basic idea in the book is that no one can "make" us feel hurt or unhappy. It is exactly as you say Andres...once we understand the feeling, the cause, the source, and all the dynamics, we can let go of hurt, and in fact, get to the point where we instantly recognize all the factors, so we do not take it on at all.
There are a couple other concepts that help with the process too...projecting and leveling. People often try to "project" onto us their own insecurity and discontent. Leveling, is a method by which people try to bring us to their level of insecurity and discontent. These are all personality traits which people use either consciously or unconsciously to help themselves feel better....or so they think. The end result, is that it causes discontent for everyone.
I respect how you feel about this issue. I'm here to tell you that feeling hurt is a choice....been there...done it....changed my way of thinking, which changed the way I feel, which changed the life experience for me:>)
cheers my friend:>)
Don Wesley 50+
It is good to have high self-esteem.
However it is based upon true wisdom which values humility.
Self-confidence is something that won't get you very far; just to the next fall.
If you declare, as you have done, that you are self-confident; then as soon as you fall and break your neck you will loose that "feeling" of self-confidence.
"Pride goeth before the fall."
The more you prove that "your" intuitions are more accurate over time, the more valuable you be seen over time.
Even if your intentions are honest and good; but your guessing's are wrong you be judged as wrong.
Then you risk being “accused” by the ignorant that you are a fool.
Where there is “good” you always will find a crowd of accusers; people “without” Compassion.
James, keep on with your studies; ace everything, and wait patiently for the prize. I predict you will earn it.
Don
James Zhang 30+
Don Wesley 50+
Seeing and understanding the personality in all its states
is vital to knowing what kind of compassionate act is needed for him or her,
at cross-sectional points in time
Without personality as a cornerstone of describing
the whole person as valuable, you will end up labelling him/her
most possibly "accusing" them
Recall the the old wisdom, "Where there is good there are accusers
Who have no compassion.
James Zhang 30+
Don Wesley 50+
That requires an education and not just an answer.
I will offer a hint.
An actor exhibits emotions all within a personality type.
He along with fellows actors tell us a story.
To appreciate the story, you need to be at the level of understanding that the author targeted as his audience.
Does that help you James; I am hoping it works.
Peace and all the best to you and until soon .
Don Wesley [From The Silent Generation - the 30's]
[someone who is at present a victim of evil abuse]
Colleen Steen 500+
All characters share all the same emotions. There are not certain emotions within personality types. Emotions manifest differently in different people.
Since many people interpret and understand a story differently, both in the life experience AND in an audience, one does NOT need to be at "the level of understanding that the author targeted". One simply needs to be present.
James Zhang 30+
I want to consider myself as one who has high EQ, but of course that is for you and my peers to decide. My self-proclamation may be viewed as arrogance, but I view it as self-confidence in myself.
James Zhang 30+
I didn't know you were an actress, that's interesting to know :)
Colleen Steen 500+
You've heard of psychodrama? Well, I had my own "practice" of exploring my own personas and those of other "characters", while getting pay and applause!!!! How perfect is that? Can you think of any other profession where a person can be a nun and a hooker in the same summer? (Summer stock theater) LOL!
James Zhang 30+
The best stories are usually the ones with the best characters imo. I'm no actor but I like to use stories as a medium for character studies and analysis. But it's pretty cool that you had the opportunity to be an actress professionally, it's like meeting celebrities lol
Colleen Steen 500+
I totally agree with your statement above James...
"Personality does matter, but it shouldn't be the base of judgment. There;s more to someone than just a 1-dimensional personality".
It is all the other dimensions that we may discover when we suspend any judgement, and are open to the personas/characteristics that may be underneith what a person is projecting as a "personality".
I'm not a celebrity James....I'm just another little old person....just like you.....except you're a young person...one I appreciate.....oh....I forgot....I'm not supposed to flatter you any more....yeah.....right!!!:>)
James Zhang 30+
LOL oh no, go ahead and continue the flattery :P
Colleen Steen 500+
Don Wesley 50+
A very good person, who is also able to deliver compassion, can also be very irritable and difficult to live with.
The psychopath is a charmer, who starts with lying and then stealing and the killing; is to be avoided.
Emotional Intelligence EQ; is a measure of ones skill to defining and understanding personality types, both when normal and abnormal or under stress. High EQ’s are needed for shepherding [moving] towards compassionate villages.
Help with compassion, a person who having difficulty living in harmony. Be a Mentor. They are suffering.
Solve the problem, don’t legislate it. Helping him/her, helps your future life with him/her
Elizabeth Gu 30+
Yes, if I use my compassionate personality to help others it would be so wonderful....
Btw, I've always thought that without sincerity, being agreeable, friendly, approachable and attractive could be a little too superficial...
Many employers require not only competent graduates, but also people with flexible, positive, and sociable attitude. It seems to me that we're living in a world where people are consciously or unconsciously being forced to shape their own personalities to meet the expectation of the society we live in.
If, let's say, a very famous company you really really aspire to get hired wants you to be very approachable, and favorable in order to attract lots of customers.
And let’s say actually you're rather a person with calm and blunt attitude.
However, you are willing to change your personality--in this case, your attitude--just to get employed even if you don't want to pretend that you're a very approachable person--you think it's insincere for you to do so.
So, whether you like it or not, you got to change the way you’ve treated people so far even if that means you become a bit insincere to the people you meet.
As time goes by, you might wonder, "What is real me? Is the society manipulating my personal traits? "
Well, it's a bit unconvincing example. So might say, "Then, find another company where they look for people like you."
Anyway, what do you think?
Using good personality to help others is definitely a good thing to do.
But what if it's not from my heart? What if that is not who I am?
What if I get sick and tired of being favorable or seemingly flexible?
I agree with you, but I just want to know what you think about these questions.
I think being sincere even if I don't seem to be so, is more important than having a "good", "compassionate" personality.
What do you think?
Hope you understand what I mean..:)
SIncerely,
Elizabeth
Don Wesley 50+
Now we move from personality to the greater whole of describing a person and that we call "Character."
And within Character we define integrity.
A person who is deeply honest with himself cannot be dishonest with others.
With high integrity [honesty] we can expect [predict] how a person will live out his life over time.
So now we can make very important decisions about who we can trust to lead us.
Democracy will choose wise leaders, only if its population is wise in making good predictions.
This is really something to think about.
Don
James Zhang 30+
That's one incredible quote that hits the core of the relationship between the individual and society. You can always change your personality and how you treat/address each person, but you should not or cannot change who you are deep down.
And the willingness or flexibility to change your personality to open up to some people can also be seen as a measure of degree of open-mindedness or close-mindedness. More open people imo are hardworking communicators, whereas closed people are lazy communicators. And I guess you may be able to say that the close-minded people focus more on Content, but the open-minded people focus more on Form.
Different people use different languages to communicate the same message. When you say "I love your outfit" to a lady, it's supposed to be a message of complement, or a sign of respect. When you say "Holy crap, what's with dat pro-ass micro skillz, 500 clicks/min damn son" that's a sign of respect and also a complement to a Starcraft gamer. They're different languages used to convey the same content. When talking to Steve Jobs, whenever he says that your proposed idea sucks (he says this all the time lol), you are expected to rebel against him and say "No you're wrong, this idea is actually good because of this, this, and this." Steve Jobs sees that as a sign of respect because he respects rebellious attitudes against the norms.
Robert Winner 50+
You only show what you want others to see. Why would that not be true of them also.
Personality is but one factor in the assessment of the whole person.
Believe half of what you see and less of what you hear.
All the best. Bob.
Elizabeth Gu 30+
Interesting and profound view, indeed!
So....my ultimate question again is....do you think personality matters?
I still don’t get that whether you think personality is important or not.
Do you think being attractive, agreeable, and confident including all of the factors of personality is not the thing we should care about?
Being just myself--awkward way to put it, though--without considering others opinions is also showing what I want others to see?
We can, and sometimes unconsciously, we do change our personalities as time goes by.
And in the mean time, people around me “define--so to speak—me” according to the way I talk, the way I behave, and my attitude. And sometimes I let them see what I don't want them to see.
Want to hear what you think :)
Regards~
Don Wesley 50+
It is all "good."
To see suffering in people who need help;
we need understanding personalities in "all its modes of expression,"
Understanding is the highest level of intelligence that anyone can have.
Without this high level of knowledge we becomes victims' of the deceitful.
If we harden are hearts to everyone just to be safe for ourselves,
then we sit on the fence of indecision.
Hell is the place where fence sitters will end up living.
Colleen Steen 500+
Robert Winner 50+
Would you marry a guy just because he was good looking. No. There is much more to relationship than looks .... or personality ... or a good dancer ..... or (you name it).
To people who want you defined by your company that is handy. They were never your friends or they would judge you as you are.
In Psycho classes we took a whole bunch of tests and I always came up as "what you see is what you get" and that pretty well defines me.
Good luck Bob.
Colleen Steen 500+
That was one of my "faults" according to my wasband (was my husband). He often accused me of "wearing my feelings on my shoulders". My perception was....."well YEAH....why pretend to be something different than we really are"
It causes a LOT of problems in one's life when we do not walk our talk, because eventually, things we said may come back and haunt us. If a person says one thing to one person, and another thing to another person, (or one thing on a comment thread and another thing on another comment thread, which I've seen here on TED with some people), it makes life very confusing! And as we get older, it's more and more difficult to maintain a personality that is not real.
I LOVE the definition of YOU Bob. You are very consistant with your communications.....I admire and appreciate that:>)
Edwin Nazarian 10+
How do you categorize people with Good and Bad?
What exact behaviours are good or bad to you?
How exactly can we know that if this person's joke can be as bad to others as it is to us?
We can get along with everyone.
We don't love every one in the same level
We like people who are like us - who walks like us, talks like us, dress like us, and do stuff like we do.
We do everything to be liked and avoid everything to be disliked.
now whether they are good or bed it is only our mind puts it that way, they are as they are,
LOVE IT or LEAVE IT
but judging what we do first, even before we say hello to them, we judge people by their appearance.
This non verbal signals tell as enough to come a conclusion which is in many cases are inappropriate conclusions.
Judge not, and ya shall not be judged
Don Wesley 50+
I would put the Golden Rule first.
Understand and truly help one another, with good conversation and sequent good actions..
Edwin Nazarian 10+
Thank you
I do my best to fit in all the time. I spent half of my live in foreign lands.
Meeting different culture and ethnicity made me myself to become multicultural above all having multi identity and personality.
First understand then be understood!
In life you have to give first without expecting to receive!
What goes around comes around!
Don Wesley 50+
Since coming to TED late last year, I have been following you with great interest and respect.
I also agree with you that who and what we treat with kindness, reciprocates.
I did make references to your good work on my blog.
It is pleasant to hear from you.
Peace and all the best to you and until soon .
Don Wesley [From The Silent Generation - the 30's]
Edwin Nazarian 10+
First of all I thank you. I am glad I left such an impression on you.
I joined TED community last years too, I think around September.
you made references to my good work on your blog,
What that could be? How can I find and read it?
Could you help me with that please?
Thanks
Don Wesley 50+
I am not certain, but my "Brain" memory Frame associates to the following site:
http://innjustice.blogspot.ca/2012/05/heaven-rather-hell-is-most-valuable.html
Until soon,
Aware of and caring about you and all of humanity
Don