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Yash Akhauri

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I am very depressed... i need your help. (I understand this is not the right place to ask such questions but please?)

Hello, this may not be the right place to ask such questions, but i could not stop myself... (I am 14 years old)
I have an IQ of 124, that is from an online IQ site. So it is inaccurate for sure... Almost every friend i ever had in the last 1 year calls me a genius or a very smart person. I understand that they may be correct, but 1 year before, no-one even called me smart. I was just an average student.
I love physics. It is basically my life. I am starting calculus and advanced physics right now, and for my personal project for pre-IB, i am going to write a book, on advanced physics.
The title is Antimatter: does it really matter?

I just realised that i am not smart enough. I am a dumb good for nothing show-off... i got this idea after researching about the greatest scientists and their childhood accomplishments, which i believe are amazing. I feel like a retard. Even though i have done Youngs double slit experiment, and understood all the concepts included such as wave particle duality and the wave particle basic equations on my own, i still feel like i am not good enough to be a scientist. Even though i love science, i fear failure. I want to be successful at what i do, not just happy with my life, but actually "good" at what i do...

This has been bothering me for days. I mean, i am not a freak genius or savant like genius people. I am just an above average show-off retard... I am not sure if i should pursue my career as a physicist or just choose electrical engineering and have an ordinary life with no pertinent need for me to exist. (I believe i can easily do electrical engineering from a reputed university :|....)

This bothers me more than anything. I am really sad and i cannot concentrate in physics. Minor failures like failing to understand basic calculus (Derivatives etc.) discourages me and i feel like good for nothing...

I really need some help from someone, who can guide me. Please help me. :(
Thank you for your time and kind consideration. :)

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    Aug 25 2012: Yash, when a fourteen year old says he is very depressed, I always first answer that you should please get some help from someone in person who loves you or whom you respect. Does your school have counselors? If you are really depressed, please, please, do not put this off.

    In terms of your quandary, you are almost certainly capable of pursuing a career in science if you choose to. I expect your teachers would say the same. The fact that at fourteen years old you are not ready to write a book about advanced physics in no way suggests that you will not be able to undertake serious work in physics once you have laid an adequate foundation for such work. That will very likely be some years in the future for you, and I hope you can enjoy the journey rather than holding fast to speeding quickly to the end of that journey.

    I think you are mixing up two things. One of them is aptitude for a particular field. The other is the perspective that can come with the maturity. I believe that you are not at the point right now to be a good judge of your potential. It sounds like you may fluctuate between believing you can do great things in physics this minute and believing you can do nothing ever.

    Please consider whether perhaps there is a third option- that you have promise if you continue to work hard in laying the foundation for a future as a scientist without trying to take an impossible shortcut to a finish line.

    There is nothing wrong either with being a genius or not being one. Passion and hard work go a long, long way.
    • Aug 25 2012: Thank you, also, i am not "very depressed" all i meant to say was that i am upset. I understand why you are being so skeptical about my maturity and i also understand i am too young. But i feel it is always better to start of early and try everything which interests you :)
      I was passionate about computers, tennis, electronics, basketball, cricket, physics and even video games! After some time, i realised that they were my interest, not my passion. I tried some more, and i found physics the best. So i made it everything i am. And when i realised that there are really smart people out there, i was greatly discouraged due to this intellectual inferiority i faced... :(

      Thank you for your help, your really raised my morale. I am very very very very very grateful... Your small yet eloquent words really touched me and made a difference. Thank you
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        Aug 25 2012: I am glad, Yash, to have misunderstood "very depressed," and I appreciate that you clarified this as I, even not knowing you, would have continued to worry.

        I hope you will not choose to make physics, or any one subject, everything that you are. We humans are not so limited that we can do or be only one thing.

        I have a reading recommendation for you if you are interested in reading. James Gleick wrote a biography of Richard Feynman, who was one of the truly great physicists of his generation and a Nobel laureate. I like Feynman's autobiographical stuff as well for its humor, though autobiographies tend to distort people a bit.
        • Aug 25 2012: I really appreciate that you are involved in this conversation. Thank you. I will surely read the book which you have mentioned. :)
        • Aug 25 2012: I just want to ask one more question, if i may...
          For my book on Antimatter, i have made 2 covers, i will choose one of them. I cannot afford to get a graphic designer, and i am pretty good at photoshop, so i just made a cover... My english is not perfect. I am writing a book for undergraduate students for my project, more like for Grade 12 also. So i believe that for such books i do not need language, i need facts and information. Which i believe i possess. Your help would be nothing but appreciated. Please look at the 2 covers and choose the one which is more elegant and convincing. Thank you
          Link: - http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.196286790502020.46716.100003621016597&type=1

          Ignore the first image, that i just a list of books i will buy for reference... Thank you :) I really appreciate it :)
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        Aug 26 2012: Hi Yash,
        Fritzie offers some very good advice, and you sound like an insightful young person. I'm impressed that you are exploring so many interesting life experiences. Sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed, it helps to take a step back, relax, and let things "flow" in your life. It's not absolutely necessary to decide at age 14 what you will do for the rest of your Life. Be kind to yourself....give yourself time and space to allow your life and creative energy to evolve. I love it when young people are exploring life as you are. Best to you my friend, and I hope you will stay connected with TED.

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