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Yash Akhauri

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I am very depressed... i need your help. (I understand this is not the right place to ask such questions but please?)

Hello, this may not be the right place to ask such questions, but i could not stop myself... (I am 14 years old)
I have an IQ of 124, that is from an online IQ site. So it is inaccurate for sure... Almost every friend i ever had in the last 1 year calls me a genius or a very smart person. I understand that they may be correct, but 1 year before, no-one even called me smart. I was just an average student.
I love physics. It is basically my life. I am starting calculus and advanced physics right now, and for my personal project for pre-IB, i am going to write a book, on advanced physics.
The title is Antimatter: does it really matter?

I just realised that i am not smart enough. I am a dumb good for nothing show-off... i got this idea after researching about the greatest scientists and their childhood accomplishments, which i believe are amazing. I feel like a retard. Even though i have done Youngs double slit experiment, and understood all the concepts included such as wave particle duality and the wave particle basic equations on my own, i still feel like i am not good enough to be a scientist. Even though i love science, i fear failure. I want to be successful at what i do, not just happy with my life, but actually "good" at what i do...

This has been bothering me for days. I mean, i am not a freak genius or savant like genius people. I am just an above average show-off retard... I am not sure if i should pursue my career as a physicist or just choose electrical engineering and have an ordinary life with no pertinent need for me to exist. (I believe i can easily do electrical engineering from a reputed university :|....)

This bothers me more than anything. I am really sad and i cannot concentrate in physics. Minor failures like failing to understand basic calculus (Derivatives etc.) discourages me and i feel like good for nothing...

I really need some help from someone, who can guide me. Please help me. :(
Thank you for your time and kind consideration. :)

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  • Aug 25 2012: Hi Yash. Fritzie is absolutely right in everything he says.

    I would add that it sounds like the 'fear of failure' as you put it, has been allowed to dominate your thoughts for too long, affecting the confidence you had in yourself. I know myself how debilitating that can be - negative self-talk can move one from an intelligent thinker into regarding one's self as being dumb. It can also destroy concentration, affect one's social life etc.

    I can tell you without much doubt that your passions and abilities will return, if only you can jettison that fear of failing.

    Fritzie's dead right about counselling. There's nothing weak about seeking help - in fact it shows strength. CBT counselling can be excellent at addressing fears.

    Hope this helps you Yash.

    Barney
    • Aug 25 2012: I am very grateful that you took your time to read the whole conversation and come up with a constructive, small yet convincing answer. Thank you for your time. I will persevere and become the best i can :)
      (Also, i am not depressed i am just very upset :P) I wrote that without really thinking. :P

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