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What are the top 5 problems couples face with long distant relationships? I would like to provide solutions to help.

I am researching the problems of being in long distant relationships. I am interested in the challenged that are faced, the head space that form patterns at what stage of their time apart. Is there patterns in the first week, the week before, the second, third, forth week ect....
I would love to have some understanding and be able to contribute in helping the people of these relationships by providing a chat room, news letters, MP3 downloads and online help.
Thank you Kindly,
Susanne x

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    Aug 20 2012: What has your research uncovered thus far in terms of emprical research on this subject? I'd think this would get some attention within the field of psychology and be the subject of publications in journals, online and offline, in that field.
    • Aug 20 2012: Hi Fritzie, This is a topic that I have chosen to challenge myself of becoming an expert on. I have an emoumous amount of curiousity for the patterns that are formed by our minds. My journey has just begun in regards to this research. I have experienced 4 years of flyin flyout and I know that the power of our minds, is why some people embrace it and others crumble.
      Can you please explain what empical research is?
      Yes I agree totaly that this subject would be worldly beneficial for all different cultures :)
      Thankyou so much...
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        Aug 21 2012: Hi, Suzanne. The study of relationships is an important part of psychology, which is the study of human behavior. Because psychologists want to "get it right," they study people systematically by doing surveys of large random samples of people as well as experiments in some cases.

        They take the large sets of data they collect and analyze them statistically to determine what conclusions they can draw about people in general. The data allow someone who understands data analysis to figure out what seems to be true on average for as diverse a population of people as he can get but also what the range of possible conclusions might be and how far off of accurate the findings might be.

        That is what empirical research is. Gathering data from a large, random sample of people yields more reliable results than, for example, asking all your friends or people who frequent a website or a cafe or wherever.

        The other kind of research is theoretical. Theoretical work uses logic, but logic will lead to different conclusions depending on the biases of the person doing it. Still, those who have seriously studied human behavior in diverse populations often have good intuition about such a question. People who generalize only from what they have noticed among people they have encountered will typically make less reliable predictions.

        When I get a chance I will try to find you a piece of research on your subject as an example.
        Here is an example, but you will find easier stuff. http://spr.sagepub.com/content/27/4/535.abstract
        A psychologist I believe works ion this area who writes in a way that is easier to understand is Peppper Schwartz at the University of Washington.
        • Aug 21 2012: Beautiful thank you so much Fritzie, much appreciated.

          Theoretical work in my understanding is a must, however it intrigues me to know what the outsiders perceive also....
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        Aug 21 2012: Susanne, some people obvious advise others purely on the basis of their own experience, and people do often listen to them. There are lots of lay coaching businesses, for example, and, of course, advice-giving blogs and websites.

        It is because you mentioned the word "expert" that I thought you might want to go beyond your own experience to take into account what those who have studied the question analytically have learned.

        Best wishes in this.
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    Aug 22 2012: Times have changed, but I have seen many a long distance relationships work perfectly well. Those who go out in search of livelihood to distant lands- immigrants males maintain a very healthy long distance relationship. The dream of a good future for their spouse and children keep them motivated. Migrant workers return home after 2 years and have succeeded in raising a a very happy and contented families.
    Now to come to your question. The top 5 problems that couple face with long distant relationship.
    1. Not accepting the situation that one has voluntary entered into. If a situation develops to live apart after living together, one can empathize, but here also if both the partners accept what is, the problem will be eased a bit.
    2. Affluence. Contradictory but true. With affluence and materialistic mind set not 5 but a hundred problems arise.
    3. Doubting nature - lack of faith.
    4. 21st century gadgetry. With profusion of internet and 24x7 connectivity both partners tend to rant and take out their frustrations - the space gets restricted and flash points are more frequent. In the good old days when one depended on monthly mails these problems were not there. Each found ways to take control of their individual life, and in many 3rd world countries, strong family ties and other community factors provided the much needed balm in times of difficulty.
    5.Lack of preparedness if both the partners know that they are entering into a long distance relationship.
    I personally saw my first born after 7 months. Now days young fathers get all hyper if they are unable to be at the bedside when their wives are going under labor.
    After one or two days they go off and than starts the fun of continues distant monitoring - nothing can be done, but frustration and anxiety pile up. I keep myself amused with such frequent real life situations now days.
  • Aug 20 2012: Hello Susanne

    I am not in long distant relationship and never have been.

    I just want to know if you are looking people in here who has long distant relationship problem
    or you just want to know what TED community thinks about that so you will work on it, adding your own opinion and
    then go out and sell it?

    I am not a Life Coach, but I am sure this is what the Life Caches do using certain linguistic pattern and cold reading and then offering them the exact solution that the client already know.
    • Aug 21 2012: Hello Edwin,

      By talking to anyone about problems within any subjects, we get a sence of what the perseption is out there. I am interviewing couples in long distance relationships at present so I get their perspective. What I am try doing, is to find an UNDERSTANDING for me AND society.
      You know Edwin, I have heard all my life that if you do something that you are passionate about in your work than that is success. If I make money out of this, than its a bonus for me and if I don't then my heart is fullfilled as I am contributing to helping people find an understanding to be able to work away from their loved ones with more peace and connection as opposed to emotional exhaustion.
      I am not experienced with the term "cold reading" but I have experienced the hardship of distant relationships and if the client already know's the solutions then they are the ones that possibly embrace working away. I feel the majority would appreciate understanding and support and insite.
      Thank you so much Edwin :)
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    Aug 20 2012: I think that the top three problems have to do with maintaining intimacy: physical, emotional, and mental. a 4TH would be maintaining trust and a 5th would be transportation issues.
    • Aug 20 2012: I can't seem to get my head around the maintenance of trust......I feel that if their is trust problems, it has nothing to do with distance.
      When couples are apart yes I agree that the physical intimacy would be challenging for some more than others, but it would come in waves of mixed emotions.. I find it interesting that I feel that these problems are not necessarily to do with distance but within the individual. I invite you to reflect?
      Thanks so much Debra...
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        Aug 20 2012: Suzanne, I am not currently in a long distance relationship. Trust is an issue for most people today and distance enables secrecy and that often is sometiing that I hear about. There is no checking and making sure for oneself with extreme distance. how is trust actually built when the parties are thousands of miles apart? It has to be done with words and we live in a society that values actions above words. Many are quick to pour in their own trust issues and tell stories of infidelity as well.
        • Aug 21 2012: Interesting, thanks Debra,
          When both parties have two feet in their relationship and they feel totally connected in a way that they serve their partners needs before their own and have understanding, support, compassion, love and they live with a knowing of solidness within, then distrust is not even considered.
          The question is, why would one feel the need to check and have secrecy? I think it comes back to self satisfaction and belief and clarity to couples boundary's and desires.
          I wander if sometimes infidelity is bought on from distrust and the lack of understanding of their partners needs before the actual act....
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        Aug 21 2012: We sure have different perspectives Susanne. I come from a marriage that lasted 28 years and an awareness that more than 50% of relationships start online these days .I have always enjoyed the practicaL over the theoretical and as it is apparent that i cannot add to your constructs I will not comment further. Only the inexperienced seem to know it all.
        • Aug 23 2012: It's ok Debra for us to share our different perspectives and I thankyou immencely for your input. I have leant from you. I too have always enjoyed the practical side of everything.

          I am 52 years of age and yes I am inexperienced theoretically but I have studied emotions and understanding x