This conversation is closed. Start a new conversation
or join one »
Can forgiveness be excercised by everyone?
Most of us has been told or heard of "forgive and forget".
We know in some religion that wrongs are known as "sins", and sins can always be "repented", as dictated by some religious scriptures. Some religions perform repentances in places known as "confessions" or "confessional booths".
It is hard to believe that a mistake can so easily be relinquished if you just tell someone.
I think to fix an error, one must take action in a positive way.
On TV, there are always some new way of an individual or small group taking radical action to greatly affect many lives in a negative way.
They seem to have copy-cats as well after it has aired on national television, which seems a bit counter-productive.
Let's say that the individual or group wants to redeem themselves, but their actions were far from a petty crime, like the batman shooter in colorado.
In some religions, they say to love everyone, including your enemies or someone like the batman shooter.
Can someone who did something so radical be forgiven or redeem themselves from their actions?
It is a bit hard to believe that every mistake can be righted.
Can forgiveness be excercised by everyone, or is it only used by someone not involved in an incident so traumatizing?
Should those people and families involved have a right to take radical action toward these radical individuals'?
These crimes are neither petty nor of national proportions like WWII, but those inbetween situations.
It seems hard to be happy, and find compassion to forgive after being victims in these events.
Is there wisdom in those religious scriptures, or are we fooling ourselves?
Not sure where I was headed with this question, but I am a bit criticizing of how over-played the news can be on such serious events.
Like there was no need to get the family of the batman shooter involved with his actions. Really sad how the media hypes things up.
Laura Woods
Derek Young 30+
Laura Woods
christopher mark
Debra Smith 200+
Derek Young 30+
Debra Smith 200+
Debra Smith 200+
christopher mark
Derek: Debra's right, thoughts are energy. When mixed with intentionality or will, they acquire substance, even form (this applies to both good and bad thoughts). Training the will for the service of others gives good thoughts, especially those coming from stillness, a special 'place'. With practice both the bully and the victim can be brushed into sobriety by your stillness.
christopher mark
Laura Woods
Derek Young 30+
That was very inspiring Debra. Thank you. I continue to help those who collaborates with the world, not the ones who snip at its edges. I feel I have seen to much crap flung around in my life to allow it to happen to others around me, but I will still continue to dig at unclear information. Just a habit, not a malicious trait of mine. =)
Glad to spread the love and love is possibly what the world needs now most of all in this era.
Hope to read more comments from you again! =)
Akshay Gill
Dan Geurin 10+
The reality is that some bad deeds are too horrible to forgive. I shouldn't feel that I haven't moved on because I can't forgive the bad deeds of someone against me. Can you forgive a gunman that murders innocent people? A government that commits genocide against a race of people? I can't forgive evreything bad that has happened to me in life and I don't feel like I should have to.
Robert Winner 50+
I recall "Hanoi Jane" Fonda and all of her actions against the US war effort. To protest is acceptable, even to those of us who served. However, to aid and abet a declared enemy of your country is treason. She went way over the line and I will not either forgive or forget. She has been declared one of the top ten traitors in history.
I mention this to put a perspective on the event itself. Cheating on your diet does not compare to betrayal of your country.
All the best. Bob.
Derek Young 30+
Mark Kurtz 20+
It is difficult to forgive a tyrant, a rapist, thief, or other perpetrator of behavior misuse. No one should withhold mercy from a person who cannot forgive, but it should be clear we need to understand a person who has been severely wronged.
On the other hand a person doing harm must also understand the relationship issues of his behavior. Here again, mercy is needed, but correction is proper. No one can escape justice in the long run and it is wise to attempt a corrective action for turning a wrongdoer to asking for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is vital! Slavery is not new; it is as old as the mountains, but mankind can learn better arrangements. Forgiving people of past wrongs releases stress and opens the gate for better relations.
Can we all forgive? Desire varies. It is necessary for world peace! Consider ample evidence for lack of peace where there is no forgiveness!
elizabeth muncey 10+
Derek Young 30+
Debra Smith 200+
As they say, living well is the best revenge!
Derek Young 30+
ps: I've reached my maximum thumbs up for you this week, but I'm sending you a comment version "thumbs up". =)
James Zhang 30+
Just a fair warning, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...
Derek Young 30+
James Zhang 30+
Feyisayo Anjorin 50+
So humans have to sow forgiveness to reap forgiveness from God.
There is no sin that the blood of Jesus will not clean; so God will forgive anyone who truly repents; true repentance is the confession of sin, acceptance of God's punishment as justice, and willingness to forsake the sin.
God forgives, but forgiveness does not mean God will spare the sinner the consequences of the sin. (that is why the bible commands us to abide by the laws of the government)This is where most people get the christian doctrine wrong.
There is a difference between someone who is punished and accepts the punishment with a tender heart(that is, one who knows that his or her action is wrong and deserving of punishment); and someone who is punished for a wrongdoing but wonders why he or she is being punished. For the repentant heart, punishment helps like a furnace removes impurities from gold; however, punishment hardens the unrepentant heart.
God will forgive a heart that accepts his or her fault, and the authority of God, and is willing to change.
Forgiveness is not easy; just like every good thing. The path of greatness is not easy to walk, that is why only a few are found in it.
For all who are ready for the hardwork and are willing to recieve grace, forgiveness is possible.
If Nelson Mandela had not forgiven the then racist South African government for the 27 years behind bars, he would not be the respected stateman he is today.
He'll probably be a petty, angry, and foolish dictator trying to make his enemies miserable and becoming more miserable in the process.
Debra Smith 200+
pat gilbert 50+
I have not mastered this one myself. What helps me is to seek revenge. (just kidding)
What helps me is to look at things as they are, this requires looking at things square in the eyes, not typically easy.
This is the opposite of stewing on things.
Look at what I did to create the situation or things that I have done that are similar to what has been done to me.
If perdition exists it made of these transgressions. It is cathartic to state these to a priest or a real friend. If what you did caused damage make up for the damage done. By the way this is a huge problem with prisons in that they never allow the prisoner to make up for the damage done, the prisons just say you are a liability to society and you can never change. This is pure crap especially when you consider 80% are there because of drugs. Which illustrates that the real problems are what we do to ourselves, we are often our own worst enemy.
Find something about that person to like. (not easy)
Associate with people who bring you up, this is hugely important. Of course you have to deal with people who are going to attack you if you live in the real world. You have to acknowledge these people but that doesn't mean you have to let your guard down and be completely open with them. Lawyers for instance love to hear as much information as they can. With these people keep your own council (It means to keep your opinion, your decision, your judgment to yourself, and not share it) this will save you a LOT of trouble.
I guess the main thing is be true to yourself and be honest and you will greatly reduce the need to forgive and you will create your future with people who are also honest. The best tool for this is communication as it the key, if you haven't watched Matt Ridley...
James Zhang 30+
I think it goes along with the idea of empathy and understanding of others.
pat gilbert 50+
James Zhang 30+
pat gilbert 50+
James Zhang 30+
pat gilbert 50+
James Zhang 30+
Like the saying goes, "When in Rome, do as the Romans."
On more extreme misunderstandings, it could be more political like clash of Fascism, Communism, Democracy, etc.
pat gilbert 50+
Fritzie Reisner 100+
I don't know anything about the confessional or the context of that practice within broader teachings about righting wrongs, but I know there are other faiths that require that people ask for forgiveness and make amends to the person or persons one harmed. This seems a practical and sensible course.
One cannot always repair the damage one does. There is a parable that spreading malicious gossip, for example, is like releasing the contents of a feather pillow into the wind. One cannot later collect all the feathers. With modern communications, the feathers metaphor does not go far enough.
Colleen Steen 500+
You are LUCKY you don't know anything about the confessional!!! LOL
My experience was that there were no teachings connected with it that provided or encouraged "amends" to the person(s) who were harmed. That is why I stated in my comment that there was no accountability/responsibility....at least in what I learned and experienced with confession in the catholic tradition.
We stated our "sin", then were given the task of saying 10 "hail marys", or 5 "our fathers". (These are prayers for those who are not familier), and that was it!
I agree that to make amends, take responsibility, be accountable for our behaviors, and learn something (like how not to repeat the offense) makes a lot of sense!
James Zhang 30+
Colleen Steen 500+
Yes, I believe forgiveness can be exercised by everyone. I do not believe the idea of forgive and forget is good, and I also do not see the practice of stepping into a confessional and being absolved from accountability/responsibility as a good idea.
Actually, I believe the idea of confessional is a terrible idea. The concept that a person can tell his/her "sins" to another person, who absolves them completely sets the stage for LACK of accountability/responsibility for one's actions.
When we advocate forgive and forget, we are telling the offender of the "sin" that everything is forgotten, when, in fact, it is not always, nor should it be forgotten by the victim. We need to be accountable and take responsibility for our actions, otherwise we will never learn to change unacceptable behaviors. When everyone says ok....done.....forgive and forget, where is the opportunity to learn something different?
As a six year old child preparing for first communion, I had to go to confession. Well...what sins does a 6yr old have? None in my perception. I asked a nun about this challenge, and she told me to make something up, so the priest would have something to forgive!!! Any wonder why I left the catholic church??? I have a brain, a thinking and feeling process, and this practice does not make any sense to me....didn't make any sense even as a little child.
Another point, is that in order to forgive someone, we had to blame someone for something. So when we talk about forgiving people for what they said, or simple poor behaviors, we are often blaming them for something that we simply do not agree with. In that case, it might be benificial to forgive ourselves for blaming...what do you think?
As James insightfully says...."it's really hard to keep hating forever", and I'll add... that to "hate" simply hurts ourselves. I think/feel it is important to remember what we learn without hate.
pat gilbert 50+
There is a huge difference between a confession and the therapeutic effects of this and someone suggesting you did something you did not do. That is insane and has very detrimental effects.
I do agree with your statement to the effect of I don't have to worry about it as I have been forgiven. I used to have a guy work for me who was a born again. Every Saturday night he would go to the "massage parlor" and then Sunday he would go to church to be "forgiven". I don't see how this was therapeutic in any way?
Colleen Steen 500+
I think confessing may be therapeutic when we accept responsibility and accountability, and if possible, repair the damage we have done....make amends...whatever.
My father did something similar to the guy you mention. He went to confession, sat in the front row of church, received communion every Sunday, then went home and beat his wife and kids. Same routine for many years.
Gotta tell you a funny story...
For first communion, we had to learn the Act of Contrition prayer.
It starts out...Oh my god I am heartily sorry for having offended you....bla....bla....bal.....
I learned it.....Oh my god I am hardly sorry for having offended you......
I knew I was NOT a sinner at 6 years of age!!! I might have caught up later!!! LOL.....Just kidding:>)
James Zhang 30+
It's really hard to keep hating forever.
However, to forget is what I disagree on. I know we can't remember every little thing in our lives, but to forget is basically like denying the existence of something that happened. And denying someone/something's existence is regarding them as even lower than an insect or bacteria or even a single subatomic particle. It's one thing to get picked on by bullies, but at least they acknowledge your existence. Getting ignored and neglected by everyone or by parents is 1000x worse than bullying.
I think it's in all humans' nature to be remembered somehow by someone or something. People want proof that they existed...
Colleen Steen 500+
I agree with you that to forget is like denying the existence of something that happened. I also agree that being ignored is not a good idea either. I'm a little bit confused by your statement.
You want to remember because "denying someone/something's existence is regarding them as even lower than an insect or bacteria....bullies....acknowledge your existence". Are you advocating remembering because you don't want the offender to be ignored? I'm not getting your drift.....help!!!
James Zhang 30+
Colleen Steen 500+
I agree with you about remembering, accepting truth and reality as I stated in another comment. Your reason for remembering was elusive to me. It sounded like you were saying we should remember so the offenders would not feel ignored.....which is not a bad idea. For me, remembering is about learning, so it could involve ALL angles of remembering:>)
Thanks for making your idea more clear to me:>)
Salim Solaiman 50+
Derek Young 30+
Derek Young 30+
How can one be so easily forgiven and a hell concept still so fervidly exist. Seems a bit ridiculous how there can be so many people in hell because they didn't do something so simple as go to "confessionals".....I'm just being critical, but it seems ridiculous. I don't get it. =/
Colleen Steen 500+
I believe hell is an idea conceived my leaders of the church to frighten and control the commoners. Amazing that it is still being accepted and feared, even though we have evolved to be more intelligent than we were in ancient times.....or are we?
Derek Young 30+
Colleen Steen 500+
Well, now that you have confessed the "candy theft", you might be safe for awhile. Just keep your hands out of the candy jar!!! OR, only take ONE as it says:>)
logeshwaran thangaraj