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Rob Leenheer

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Learn/share what tools are available to learn the skill to 'disagree constructively'.

Quote (11m20s:) ...... teaching these skills to kids and adults at every stage of their development ....

As a home-schooling parent, the topic of Margaret's talk touches at the core of what we, and many with us who are willing to make the investment, are trying to achieve.
But as Margaret says, the topic is equally relevant at every developmental stage of a human life. So no need to limit it to child education in whatever form.

But while many of us are inspired by the angle Margaret takes on the subject of disagreement, and how most of us have learned to stay away from it, how do we then learn the skills to 'turn around' and use this opportunity of disagreement constructively.

What tangible tools are there out there to teach us to do this. Books? Courses? Websites? Workshops?
Have any models been developed to teach ourselves and others?

Anyone…..?

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    Carter Harkins

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    Aug 20 2012: Not sure of any formal tools or programs available for constructive disagreement. I know for me it has been incredibly useful to take a few moments at the beginning of any potentially heated or emotional discussion to outline a few "points of connection" with the person or group with whom I am engaging. It usually sounds like this:

    "Before we get too far in to the points we want to make with each other, can we agree that continuing down this road may raise our blood pressure, may find us raising our voices a bit, and may increase our personal feelings of tension with each other? (usually gets an affirmative response along with a smile) But can we also agree that at the center of what we want to say to each other, there is a deeply rooted respect for the other, and this respect will reveal itself in the way in which we listen carefully to the points the other is making, and work with one another to keep the tone and content of our statements fair and open, without personal attack or criticism, making sure that in our actions and ideals we esteem one another as being more important than the conflict we may be about to explore? If we can agree on these points, then I think that the important discussion we are about to have can be tremendously beneficial and enlightening, even if it isn't an easy thing to undertake."

    This usually helps people to activate permission to not take other opinions as personally, and keeps the elevated goals of empathy and connection in the forefront of our minds as we engage.

    Sometimes, depending on the person or group, I'll mention the brain's tendency toward confirmation bias and information selectivity - two things from which no one is immune - and this usually helps us to realize that we need to view our own biological process with as much suspicion as the other person's viewpoints.

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