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Debra Smith
Niagara Falls / Toronto, On
Canada

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Could you tell me about a small kindness from a stranger that made a real difference to you (in whatever way)?

If I look back at my life, the sweet small kindnesses of strangers are pivotal and really combine to help shape my world view - and they probably have no idea.

Related Talks:

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Topics: Hope caring inspiration kindnesses

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Jeff Marchant
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Aug 11 2012: My car and house keys once got lost along a road somewhere when my wife drove off with her car after I set them down on top of the trunk while the car was parked in the garage. The next day when I noticed the keys were missing we retraced her route in the car hoping to find them. No luck. A couple of days later, after we had all but given up hope of finding the keys, my wife took an early morning walk down the street to make one last attempt and found them set on top of a mail box where they were easy to see. Don't know who found the keys and put them where we could see them, but I was grateful because it saved me a lot of trouble having to make duplicates and change locks.

Another time I left my ATM card in a machine and a stranger went out of his way to return it. Had the stranger not returned the card, I would've taken the precaution of closing the account and set up a new one even though the chances of anyone accessing the account were slim. I even offered the guy a respectable monetary reward for his effort, but he refused to accept it.

Can't say how these deeds affected my morals or view of humanity, if that's what you want to know, because I've done similar things myself and generally have a good opinion of humanity. But I'm always grateful for the kindness and glad to share the experience. Hope this helps.
Debra Smith 200+
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Aug 7 2012: Here is a group and a video who expresses that idea of small kindnesses in a very approachable way:

http://youtu.be/Rs38lKxmtI4

Can't resist! Its like that potato chip ad!

http://youtu.be/WZzraWFgpgE
jose santana
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Aug 5 2012: Oh, I've never seen her afterwards, what it's a pity. I didn't get the job but her attitude to me showed me how worth people can be even when they are in a contest. That's the moral of the story, I think! Thnks for reading and commenting my response.
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 5 2012: hello Again Jose! This almost makes the story better. I love that you remember her name. She is not just anyone, she is a real person who chose goodness when she might have made another choice. I think your story is wonderful. Thank you!
jose santana
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Aug 5 2012: Hi Debra. Once I was making a civil servance job application and I've missed the pen at home. I was just some minutes from beggining the exam, so, I asked some inthe classroom to lending me a pen. Everybody look at me shocked and astonished. Then, a girl, who I had never seen her before, lended me a pen, her name was Aline. Thanks to her I made the exam. That was a great signal of kindness. It's been kind of her lending me the pen, dontcha you think?
- Debra Smith 200+
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  Aug 5 2012: Jose, thank you for taking the time to share your experience. If you read my response, I am hoping you will extend that kindness to tell me how it affected you, beyond getting the job, and did you ever see Aline again?. Aline who ever you are- people from half way around the world are glad you are among us!
Don Wesley 50+
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Aug 5 2012: Hi Debra, I have done what you have suggested earlier; here it is below.
Herb Foxwell [a man my age], paid for my motel room because, I was sleeping in my car in below freezing weather. [minus 17 centigrade] January 2010 – “From Home to Homelessness”
One month of Living and visiting me daily thereafter. He was so Kind. He knew me only 20 minutes and acted to save me from death.
An act of Kindness. What does kindness Look and feel like: it kept me warm and feeling cared for.
Contrast this kindness to the Court’s action to evict me from my own home. Cruelty.
Denise, said that I was the kindest man she ever new and yet she had the Court evict from my own home. Cruelty
Feel the difference; Please. My friend, Victor Roth, in San Francisco who I have known for over seventy years, sent me this picture of his grandson. Victor, kept track of me all the while I was homeless, living in my car in Ottawa, the capital of Canada.
The Look of Kindness!
Please look at the picture of little Tanner Roth, who tended to his "mother" as she died. The day of his birth she was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. In the picture you see him with his smaller friends holding and caring for a baby rabbit. Look at their love and kindness and feel the kindness. Click on the picture to enlarge it.
Please visit http://innjustice.blogspot.ca/2011/05/look-of-kindness-in-action.html
- Debra Smith 200+
  - +1
  Aug 5 2012: Thank you Don.
  - Don Wesley 50+
    
    0
    Aug 5 2012: Debra, I see you consistently and softly come forward with kindness. Even your picture reveals kindness to me, And I can imagine that you are kind to yourself; which I believe keeps you alive.
    My parents were also very kind and I loved them softly, even though they were often absent in my life. Strange!
    And I love my sister Eleanor, who is kind, but differently. Then there is my Brother Doug, who can be cruel.
    Then there is my wife Denise [my soul-mate] who was also very responsible and super kind[If that is possible], but God, was absent from her soul, one day; and she became someone I can only imagine was the devil himself. The absence of her love and kindness, is I believe what is called “Death by a thousand cuts.”
    I believe your question itself is an act of wondrous kindness.
    I send you my love and hope, my kindness is revealed to you.
    Kindness is felt but seldom heard. And to the mystery of kindness, I am just reminded, that I do rebuke at times.
    Don [From The Silent Generation - the 30's]
Peter Emer
- +1
Aug 4 2012: A small kindness that someone has shown me that didnt mean much to them but it meant a lot to me was when i was younger, i didnt have my dad around. But my best friend's dad would always come to my games and cheer me on...and just me being on the soccer field and recognising his face and seeing him smiling made my world. Just the support and care he showed made a huge difference on who i am as a person and what i would like to be in the future :)
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 4 2012: I have goosebumps! I love it!
Feyisayo Anjorin 50+
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Aug 4 2012: Debra, thanks for calling my attention to the misuse of words.
I found my purse at home, where I left it, I did not pay the man, but I'm sure God will bless him for his kindness.
Feyisayo Anjorin 50+
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Aug 4 2012: One day I boarded a taxi in Johannesburg; on reaching the last bus stop I realized that I didn't have my purse with me. So, no money for the taxi driver.
If I was the one(being an actor) I'd think 'this guy is trying to be smart, he doesn't wanna pay'

The man just smiled and told me not to worry.
Believe me, its a rare act of kindness in the concrete jungle called Jozi.
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 4 2012: That was a real investment in kindness for that man! Were you able to find him and pay him later? Did you find your wallet? Thank you, your last line is an expression I have never heard before although I have heard its opposite in literature. Thanks for taking the time to share that this goodness is everywhere.
Yuguo Zhang 100+
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TED Translator

Aug 4 2012: OK. Two years ago, when I was like 15, it was the first time I left for America, alone. It also was my first time to take a flight alone. When I arrived at SFC airport, I had a difficult time claiming my baggage and finding the next terminal. So I went to the information counter. There was a man in front of me. So I had to wait, and when it was my turn, he stayed there and listened to the conversation I had with the employee. Surprisingly, he goes, "Hey, I can walk you around, come here." So the guy actually walked me to the baggage claim place and, after taking a look on my board pass, he walked me to the next terminal. I was totally amazed by his kindness. When I expressed my appreciation, he just said "no problem", waved his hand, and walked away.
- Debra Smith 200+
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  Aug 4 2012: Welcome here Hugo Zhang! Thank you for sharing this story of kindness. I bet you are willing to help others too.
  - Yuguo Zhang 100+
    
    0
    TED Translator
    
    Aug 4 2012: That's for sure. Karma will come back to me one day. Lol.
James Zhang 30+
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Aug 3 2012: Besides meeting all these guys here on Ted? lol

Europe had some really nice guys. When I first arrived in Denmark, I was pretty much completely lost. Then a taxi driver noticed me and took me to a hostel where I could stay for the night. We had a nice conversation and all, and he told me a lot about Copenhagen and showed me around.

While I still disagree a lot with their unnecessarily bureaucratic way of doing things, they really are nice people overall.
- Debra Smith 200+
  - +1
  Aug 3 2012: We love you and your story too. Thanks to the good people of Copenhagen for taking good care of you!
Dan Geurin 10+
- +3
Aug 3 2012: I was getting prepped for surgery and I was in the operating room. I was 19 and I was all alone. I was on the table and the room was so cold. I was starting to feel the effects of the anasthesia and I was shaking from the cold and being nervous. The nurse by my side held my hand until I went under. I didn't feel alone. I will never forget how such a small gesture of kindness could make such a big difference. I try to make people's day whenever I can. I am famous for letting people into traffic when they would otherwise be stuck during rush hour.
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 3 2012: Dan, thank you. Isn't it astounding what far reaching consequences such kindnesses have. Your reaction is my reaction too. I find that amazing that from where ever you are and where I am, as similar and dissimilar as the places may be and even as we might be, our human reaction of gratitude manifests the same way. I am so glad you are here and even glader you shared your story.
Anne Dagen 10+
- +1
Aug 3 2012: When in a foreign hospital after a spinal fracture and forbidden to bend, the husband of the other lady in my room helped me put my sandals on, which allowed me to walk around. That one small kindness allowed me to get outside the four walls of the room, which was a huge relief after being flat on my back for several days.
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 3 2012: Thank you Anne for your genorous sharing. I am delighted you got out and that you joined us!
Debra Smith 200+
- +3
Aug 3 2012: I was alone in a hospital room in Toronto many years ago when the surgeon who had saved my life that day came in and sat on my bed. The surgery had been so extensive that they did not accomplish all that they had hoped to do and they had left a mass in my abdomen. She told me she got all of the first cancer but that I had ovarian cancer – thank goodness she was wrong but neither of us knew it then.
I was devastated and she then left. I was in trouble emotionally so I picked up the phone in the hope of speaking to my then husband. No go. I tried again with my cell phone and for some reason I was not allowed to call cell to cell with someone in transit between Toronto and Niagara (maybe it had something to do with cellphone plans)- I do not remember but I was told it was not possible. I hung up that phone and that aching need and loneliness threatened to eat me alive so I picked up the phone again and dialed an operator. I got a young man. I told him where I was and what I needed in my calmest possible voice. He simply put me through.
I never knew his name. I never said more than a polite thank you. He heard me and he helped me. He could not possibly have been rewarded for one of the greatest kindnesses of my life. He helped me on my way.
- Henk Mulder 10+
  - +2
  Aug 3 2012: That is very touching Debra. He must have heard the desperate need in your voice. It makes you wonder about the windows these operators get into people's lives. A view seconds of stress, happiness, desperation, elation.
  - Debra Smith 200+
    
    0
    Aug 3 2012: Henk, as you were first to respond I feel a special bond and I want to thank you. Did you notice that not one of these kindnesses failed to change their recipient? What else in our lives has such power?. I loved the fact that you helped that lady, and I try to do the same wherever I can. It is NOT a debt but it is an endless source of joy.
    - Henk Mulder 10+
      
      +1
      
      Aug 3 2012: That's right Debra, it touches us deeply. Do you remember Groundhog Day (the movie) where the main character begins to use his knowledge of the day to help people with little gestures here and there and only then is able to move on with his life. These touches give me hope for humanity as a whole. If people are capable of small selfless acts, then there is hope for all of us.
  - Debra Smith 200+
    
    0
    Aug 3 2012: I promise you that this is true that is my favourite movie, Henk. I also love the version of A Christmas Carole with George C. Scott as Scrooge. Somehow to me they tell a profoundly similar story. Thanks.
    - Henk Mulder 10+
      
      0
      
      Aug 3 2012: :o)
- Don Wesley 50+
  - +1
  Aug 3 2012: Debra,
  I can feel the overwhelming loneliness and hopelessness.
  It is unimaginable suffering. Where was your husband! And then kindness entered your life. - wow!
  I do have three similar stories in my own life to share, but I ask you to look at only one when I, at the age of 77, saw my soul-mate, in a state of rage, have me evicted from my own home. Please
  visit http://innjustice.blogspot.ca/2011/05/look-of-kindness-in-action.html
  Don [From The Silent Generation - the 30's]
  - Debra Smith 200+
    
    +1
    Aug 3 2012: Thank you Don, I think it would be great if you were able to tell the story on the front page of your webiste here for the convenience of this audience. I am delighted that in extremis you found someone who was kind enough to help you especially in a Canadian winter. It sounds like a big kindness to me!
    - Eberhard Schmitz
      
      +1
      
      Aug 4 2012: Hello Debra,
      I know Don and the extreme elder abuse he is experiencing. The Kindness he received was amazing. The only kindness that compares is Don's kindness.
      
      You Debra, appear to radiate kindness. Your suffering has also been unbearable..
  - Debra Smith 200+
    
    0
    Aug 4 2012: Eberhard, you have no reply button so I hope you find this note. Sweet person, thank you but as you see the human spirit is amazing and I find that it is actually bearable and we can each commit to never passing it along. That- for me- is the victory in it! Pass along the kindness instead.
Salim Solaiman 50+
- +2
Aug 3 2012: Just a month back while I was walking out of a shopping mall along with my family , in dark on the pavement my younger son was running and suddenly got stuck with an iron bar of the pavement railing. I got puzzled thinking of serious injury and he was crying like anything......wife worried, elder son also started weeping.

I was looking for something cold to rub before I take him to emergency....one of my friend was with us crossed the street running to buy a bottle of cold water........meantime out of dark 3 /4 men came out , two of them were holding small chunks of ice in their hands and were offering to me.....they were actually three wheeler driver waiting in front of mall fo catch passengers.........I don't konw how and from where they brought ice so quick....how they understood I am looking for ice , as I don't speak their language neither they speak mine nor they speak English.I

was short of words to thank them.........my elder son later with all his childlike excitement told me he was surprised to see such good people in a foreign country........Yes every country has lot of good people was my answer to him

By the way , 20 minutes later we were confirmed at emergency that nothing is wrong with my son.......
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 3 2012: i am delighted that your boy is fine and thrilled to know that this crucial kindness is everywhere. Thank you, Salim!
  - Salim Solaiman 50+
    
    0
    Aug 3 2012: Thanks Debra and also welcome you are....
    
    I feel the world is still livable despite of all huge man made as well as natural catastrophes time to time because of such small but great kindness....
    
    As usual you opened up a very impactful and close to life discussion.Have a good day
    - Debra Smith 200+
      
      0
      
      Aug 3 2012: "I feel the world is still livable " -it sure is with men like you in it!
      Thank you.
- Tim Colgan 50+
  - +1
  Aug 3 2012: Your extraordinary ability to find great lessons in everyday experiences always amazes me Salim.
  - Salim Solaiman 50+
    
    0
    Aug 3 2012: Honored and obliged I am, Tim!
Lejan . 30+
- +1
TED Translator

Aug 3 2012: All right, that's my story...

I was about 10 years old, it was a beautiful and sunny day, and my friend and I were on a bicycle tour reaching a nearby town from home. Having no eyes at that age for any usual attractions such as architecture or landscapes the only thing we immediately noticed was this little snack-shop serving those beautifully fresh and golden-brown French fries.

After cash check of our pocket money we had to face the horrible fact, that we were missing 10 cent of the selling price for one portion and didn't even know about the custom in trade of beating down the price.

But both of us were very hungry, so the only chance we had was to find those missing 10 cent hopefully hiding somwere on the ground. And that's what we did. Heads down, searching the parking lot...

After some while a man was passing by wondering what we may have lost. Nothing, we said but that we were hoping to find a small single coin to get some fries. He smiled, got out his wallet and handed over to us the most beautiful 10 cent coin I have ever seen in my whole life so far.

This man became our hero that day. We never met again, but he remained within my memory ever since...
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 3 2012: i could not love this more. Thank you so much!
Henk Mulder 10+
- +1
Aug 3 2012: I was once on a flight from Geneva to London and was seated next to lady who was clearly worried about something. We got talking and she had been at a catholic convention representing a Malaysian group (she was a nun). It turned out that she was worried about her tight connection for her onward flight in London. As I had 2 hours spare, I decided to show her the way at London airport. It took 15 minutes and she made her flight.

A few weeks later I received an email from a stranger who wrote: "dear Sir, I want to thank you. When I was really worried about missing my flight, God sent me and angel who helped me out". Me, an angel?

I don't know who was more affected, her by my help or me by her thank you message. Either way, these random acts are free and generate tons of good feeling.

By the way, i you haven't seen "The Fabulous Destiny of Amélie Poulain", go see it now. It's entirely about these acts of kindness.
- Debra Smith 200+
  - 0
  Aug 3 2012: Really? I will find it Henk and thank you for the story and the recommendation.

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