TED Conversations

This conversation is closed.

How do you manipulate yourself - positively?

Your mind/part of it, knows that something should be done, the rest of you doesn't want to. What do you do?

I've read about intelligent procrastination. When attempting this, you deceive yourself into believing which tasks are more important than others. This stems from the conviction that you're bound to pick things to do of lesser importance, than the most important ones on your list.
In my opinion, intelligent procrastination is a way of intelligently putting your focus where you think it can make the biggest impact. E.g. you sometimes pick the easier task, of two, where the other is obviously more important, just because of the implied difficulty of the job and the quicker fulfillment of a job finished.

Another way I found to do things is doing them as they pop up in my head. I spend more time being effective overall, but I might not be doing things in the best way. E.g. you do not minimize time consumption on traveling, because the order of tasks isn't optimized. Overall I do think things through, but I feel I could be more effective and I’m looking for input.

Please look away from the mental age the above suggests and spelling errors, this is not my main language. First time posting, be kind.

If you understood the question differently, by all means describe that as well, together with your take on the question.



Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.

  • Jul 29 2012: You simply do the positive things that occur to you. It's really quite simple. "Where there is a will, there is a way." It's a matter of choice. You are in control of you. Choose positive. Do what you know to be positive. No need to complicate something that is simple. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Trust yourself. Positive words, positive acts cause positive results. You know that. Just do it.
    • thumb
      Jul 29 2012: Rhona my friend, you say it simply and effectively again:>)

      Where there is a will, there is a way...matter of choice...we are in control...choose positive....do what we know...no need to complicate something that is simple...love, respect and trust yourself...positive acts...positive results...just do it. I LOVE it my friend!!!

      In your indroduction you write..."In my opinion, intelligent procrastination is a way of intelligently putting your focus where you think it can make the biggest impact". YES, YES, YES!!!

      In each and every moment, we have the ability to CHOOSE where our focus goes....
      Where focus goes, energy flows...
      What we focus on expands...

      It is really NOT that difficult to focus our mind and heart where we want it to be in each and every moment:>)
      • Jul 30 2012: Colleen, there was no "Reply" thing in the "bully" item so I am replying to that here. Hurt people can also be jerks. Hurt people have a choice about their behavior. People who murder people are probably hurting, but their choice of how they manifest that hurt is their choice. I would use a term that is stronger than "jerk" for such people, but sometimes the focus needs to be on the choice of the person and the consequence of their choice of how they manifest that hurt. Some hurt people write a poem or paint a picture and play mellow music. I would not refer to those hurt people as jerks.
        • Jul 30 2012: Thank you for the response. Reading a few questions here on TED, I realise you're big contributors. I have made a new reply to the question, I hope you'll take a look.
        • thumb
          Jul 30 2012: Hi Rhona,
          I agree that people who are hurting can act like Jerks, and that often applies to bullies. I totally agree that ALL people make choices regarding how they manifest that hurt onto others. It is often a projection of their own hurt.

          That being said, I like to show people sometimes that they have different choices. I experienced an example of this just yesterday. Some new folks moved into the house next door. I was out in the gardens, saw the man outside so went over to introduce myself. We were chatting, and his two kids (around 9-10) came out. The little boy tripped, and right away, the father said "he is so clumsy!" I said "he has flip-flops on and is walking on uneven ground...I don't believe he is clumsy". The father said..."he is clumsy....always clumsy....can't even walk without tripping...he's been clumsy since he started walking"...bla....bla.....bla...on and on!!!

          That poor little kid!!! So, I gave up on the father for a minute and started talking with the kid....."almost time for school...do you like school...what subjects do you like, etc.". The little kids perked up a bit and started talking, and as he was talking, he was wandering a bit and tripped again. The father popped in with...."see...always clumsy".

          That father was being a jerk and a bully, in my perception, and I knew that I was not going to make any progress with him by calling him a jerk, so I just kept focusing on the kid and our conversation. As you say..."sometimes the focus needs to be on the choice of the person and the consequence of their choice".

          Rather than keeping the father in the "jerk/bully" catagory, I attempted to show him something different. They just moved in......give me time!!! LOL:>) This fits PERFECTLY in this conversation....how to manipulate positivity!!!I appreciate you and your perceptions of life Rhona:>)
        • thumb
          Jul 30 2012: Indeed, I totally agree!

          But to add, not all bullies or murderers do what they do because that's the manifestation of their negativity. I can definitely see some who genuinely enjoy hurting others. To me, sadistic people are ones who have a weak understanding of others. If they knew how it felt to have someone do the same thing to themselves, they'd probably be more reluctant to hurt others knowing the damage they're doing. However, if the person likes to take pleasure from pain inflicted onto themselves and thinks everyone else should feel the same, that's where I say, "These guys are messed up to the core."
        • thumb
          Jul 31 2012: James,
          Did you ever hear of the terms "pecking order" or "leveling"?


          I suggest that those who seem to enjoy hurting others are sometimes trying to bring those they hurt to the same "level" of discontent.

          I agree that they "have a weak understanding of others", because they have a weak understanding of themselves. I also absolutely agree that if they knew how it felt to have someone do the same thing to themselves, they'd probably be more reluctant to hurt others..."

          Many people in our world have been wounded physically and psychologically, in all possible ways that you cannot even imagine. Many times, they have blocked out the hurt they felt from that wounding of themselves. They learned a pattern of behavior, however, that is destructive to others, just as it was, and continues to be to them.

          When we witness people who seem to like to hurt others, I believe it is often an outward manifestation of a shallow feeling (that person is having the same pain as I have) of a very deep, unacknowleged pain. Make any sense?
      • Jul 30 2012: Colleen, I am glad our admiration is mutual. I guess we have reached many of the same conclusions. The common denominator seems to be "positive." We are both willing to be positive in word and deed and thought and any way we can. I love us for being the way we are right now. Furthermore, I am certain that we are being effective at accomplishing all of our positive goals. Sounds like you will need to direct your energies towards the parent and the child. Complex. You will succeed. It amazes me how people can behave toward others and be unaware of their impact. I assume the parent has low self-esteem, has been put down and hurt probably by his mommy and/or daddy and, robotically, he passes that pain and suffering on to his child, convincing himself he is "right." It's like people who are prejudiced. They think they are stating facts, when they go out of their way to avoid facts and instead selectively build a case to support their prejudice. I hope we become increasingly efficient in accomplishing our positive goals. I want all those positive results now. Perhaps I can be patient for days or months, but I don't want decades and centuries to go by before is simply loving, kind, healthy and happy. Right on! Keep being as Colleen as you can possibly be. Thank you.

Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.