- Carlos Miranda Levy
- Santo Domingo
- Dominican Republic
NEVER HELP: engage, enable, empower and connect, Relief 2.0 / Markets of Hope
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What can we do and what do we do about bullying?
Recently, while playing Red Dead Redemption I noticed another player, LatinLupe752, running in a straight line towards Chuparosa, a dusty settlement in the middle of nowhere.
Obviously a noobie. If you run in a straight line in an open field, you will be shot, in real life and in video games too.
I took my gun and killed him. Bam! 10 seconds later he, or she, respawned and started to run in a straight line again. I shot him again. Bam! He respawned once more; I switched weapons to a shotgun and shot him again, and again, and again. Soon I was "most wanted player" and there was a bounty on my head. I was killed by other players who came for the bounty.
I respawned and looked around for LatinLupe752, and saw him in the distance leaving the area, probably just wanted to play in peace and decided to go somewhere else in the game. I got on my horse, climbed up a hill, took aim with my carcano rifle and shot him in the head from afar. He respawned again and I shot his horse and then I shot him. They never came back.
Why would I, an active collaborating member of Stanford University Peace Innovation Lab, become a bully so vicious to this individual? Why couldn't I just let him play?
I did it because:
- There was a reward for me in doing it: Everytime I killed LatinLupe752 I would receive experience points and increase my reputation. A clean head shot earned me additional points.
- Yes, I was killed twice by other players who came to collect the bounty on my head, but that did not reduce my experience points or my reputation, so I didn´t mind the inconvenience of respawning a few seconds later and continue my behavior going after more points with LatinLupe752's face in them.
More important, it had nothing to do with LatinLupe752, I did not think he or she was weak, weird or different. It wasn't about intolerance and it wasn't personal.
I did it because there was something for me to gain and because the penalties involved were not enough to deter me from it.
William Galvin
Beata Stasak
Beata Stasak
we have to teach our children to stand up for themselves as teachers and school can do only so much:)
http://beatastasak.hubpages.com/hub/What-would-be-the-only-thing-you-would-not-tell-your-adolescents-you-did-when-you-were-their-age
Gail . 50+
http://www.davidlynchfoundation.org/schools.html
William Galvin
Kevin Claiborne
It seems like social media has a big part on the bullying because when I was young, the bullying stopped when I got home from school. Nowadays, kids are bullied 24/7 from their cell-phones, and tumblr/twitter accounts, etc.
I know not every kid can be tough, and I hate to call a kid a punk for letting people get away with making fun of them, but you will continue to get whatever you tolerate.
Stand up for yourself. Maybe if kids knew their worth and knew who they really were as individuals, they wouldn't be so negatively affected when other kids messed with them.
Debra Smith 200+
How do we get children to know their worth when most adults are struggling to understand their own and often under estimate it? I think the solution is to say with a loud and united voice LAY OFF!
Tanka Poudel
Answer if for non bullies only!
Single persons effort won't do good so first do something to gain attention or acknowledgement so that a mass recognizes you. now use the combined effort to form a rule/protocol/policy to stop act of bullying right from root. now the system should take care of all your problems so that you can relax. Always remember A person gains an identity even of a bully because he is allowed by system that operates.
Andrea Morisette Grazzini 30+
What if we made attempts to stop the violence of bullying, by not buying and playing games like Red Dead Redemption, which glamorize violence?
Andrea
Kevin Claiborne
perhaps they only numb your awareness of "violence" but I wouldn't say glamorize.
Aryana MAY
Debra Smith 200+
Jack Parkin
I am very curious, what emotions did you have while you were doing this? What thoughts were going through your mind? I ask because I've been in similiar situations and initially have acted in a similiar way. What would go through my mind is "wow, this guy is an idiot. If he's just going to stand there, I am going for the killing spree." During those times I would describe my feelings as bemusement.
At some point though, I usually "feel bad" for the person and just stop gunning them down. I say "feel bad" in quotes because the feeling never really reaches my heart. I don't actually have real empathy, just more or less feeling he/she's had enough. However, if the person addresses me or just leaves suddenly in what seems to be relation to my harrasment, I am overcome with guilt. All of the sudden I start wondering about the person's situation. My mind runs wild: "What if this person was like me, finally got 20 minutes to play video games cause the kids went to bed early. Then the second they start playing they are harrassed and I just ruined his night."
There is an exception I can see for myself where I wouldn't feel bad. That is if I were playing with an elite group and it was made obvious that noobs should not join. In that case, I would feel "they get what the deserve." Might there have been some of that in play as you saw the noob was just that oblivious?
Carlos Miranda Levy 500+
Recently, though, in a similar situation where I was stronger than another player and had been taking advantage of it, the user took his time to respawn and I somehow I got distracted with something else and the newbie actually approached me without attacking me and faced me, like letting me know, "dude, I'm not your enemy and I'm not after you" and some unspoken understanding took place where I did not hunt him/her anymore.
Weird moment, as I was wondering how we were communicating without talking, typing, just facing each other, exposing ourselves and not attacking, and silently came to some agreement, just like the same agreement I have with my dog companions, stray dogs I befriend, and every now and them other animals out there.
Maybe there is more to communication than the act of communicating...
Debra Smith 200+
Sarah M
Recently on YouTube a boy in Australia who was the victim of vicious Bullying finally retaliated and broke the Bullies arm. There was an overwhelming support for the child who finally had enough. www.dailymail.co.uk Overwhelming support any wonder. Society has had enough of Bullying and it has to stop.
As the mother of 2 small children you worry about your child and the damage that can be done by other children and children can be very cruel.Look at the parents of these children because they learnt it somewhere
Debra Smith 200+
Kids should always be able to count on their own mothers, and it appears to me that your daughter if very fortunate. I thank you for posting that video. I saw it shortly after it occurred and cheered too. I do certainly agree and support your contention that bullying has to stop!
Sarah M
Unfortunately these bullies only respond to violence. We do what we can at the time. Its not only the pain for our children involved its the pain for us as well as we struggle to protect our children from those who want to hurt, humiliate and terrorise them. I guess all we do is empower our children and teach self defence if neccesary. We can not allow our children to fall prey to these children and end up victims.
Sarah M
Sarah M
There is no doubt that violent video games can bring on real violence in a very small number of people. In Australia on April 28, 1996 thirty-five men, women and children that Martin Bryant senselessly murdered and another 18 injured by Martin Bryant. A man of 28 years old with a low intellect, a known bully. He was known for horrible acts against Animals and classed as an unusual child. (Http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/mass/bryant/profile_2.html) Martin Bryant was also said to have a morbid fascination with Violent Video games.
Does a Video Violent Video game make people go and shoot 53 people? It’s unlikely unless you are a severely troubled individual. Can you link all mass acts of violence to Video games? Unlikely. Have crimes increased at the onset of violent games being introduced? No. Crime rates have remained stable for many years. Do Violent Video games make Bullies? Unlikely.
Research now shows that Bullies have usually been exposed to violence within the home or elsewhere.
Do Video games help play out fantasies of hurting people without doing harm to a living soul? In some cases probably. If Violent Video games produce Violence we would have anarchy on the streets. An massive increase in Violent crimes but there hasn’t been.
The US has it 311,591,917 July 201. When you add up the school shootings often linked to Violent Video games statistically very small amount of school type shootings per capita.
So what point am I trying to make. Do violent video Games desensitize its players? Do they cause Violent Acts? Does it breed Bullies? My opinion is No. Can they seriously affect someone who is seriously affected in their mind? Maybe but so can so many other things.
I am not Pro Violent gaming but I think we have to be real. Most people know the difference between Reality and Fantasy.
Should we look at the parents of these Bullies? YES
Carlos Miranda Levy 500+
Video games allow you to experience alternate realities and experiences, like reading a good book, listening to a moving story or watching an engaging movie. You are in control, but you always now it's fantasy and make believe. You care for the story, for the characters, for the outcome, but it's just as you care for your tennis match at the club or basketball game at school. Once it's done, it's done.
The fact that I find harder to explain to people and for non-gamers to grasp is how engaging the gaming experience can be for the player yet how clear is its distinction from real life in our minds and sensory experience. Sure, sometimes you wish you could fly or move those boxes with a gesture of your hand, but is just as when you wish for Asteryx potion or Super Goof's Super Goobers in real life... :p
Sarah M
You do know that I also said that Violent video games don't desensetise players. I get the gaming experience and have also been caught up in the game. My point is violent gaming doesn't cause violence or bullying except in very rare cases where someone is a very unwell individual and it may be a catalyst . This does not account for main stream society :-)
Richard Krooman 50+
Specifically the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment and while your at it you can also take a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment (not by zimbardo).
These 2 experiments have been (by far) the most influencial in the field of psychology in combination with bullying / corrupting power etc.
Kanisk Chakraborty
By doing so, you've highlighted something that made me gain perspective on the nature of bullying. People bully those who they deem susceptible. Usually bullies are insecure about something, hence they pick on ones who they think are easy catch for them.
You may agree, or disagree, but I think that the motivation to constantly kill the noobs in games developed from the fact that we are insecure of dying and being called noobs ourselves. Since, killing LatinLupe752 gave you a window to escape out of that insecurity pretty easily (plus you were rewarded!), you chose that path.
Similarly, in the real world, most bullies have intentions that are almost always directly connected to their insecurity. Shown in a lot of movies (from real life experiences), most bullies pick on others because they feel threatened by their victim subconsciously. Some everyday examples are:
-(verbal) bullying of someone good looking if he/she happens to be around your love interest
-(verbal) bullying of co-workers in an office environment if he/she starts to become popular with the boss
-(physical) bullying in school because teens need to create hierarchy, and the only tools in their arsenal in strength
-(cyber) bullying throughout the internet, and something you've provided an example on (although not the best)
Now that we know the stem of it, we can try to find ways to eradicate it. How? I think someone else mentioned that it depends on the upbringing. Now I'm no parent, just a high school student, so here are just some things that I think could be useful:
-raising in an open environment without being scared of anything particular
-are explained their roles in society, and as future citizens
-are encouraged to talk about daily experiences so that adults can help
-are brought up with good sources of knowledge such as educational cartoons (not the violent games; following the ESRB ratings for movies/games helps
dean crawford
As for your feeling like a bullie in a game really its a game has nothing to do with youas a person unless you can't seperate fiction and reality. The object of the game WIN. Maybe you should look over your shoulder in your game because he will come back when he is better at the game. That's what I would do and stand up and face my bully. This is also what I believe parents should tell there kids stand up and face them. You will be supprised how much that would win them support from there peers. Its easier to gain allies when you stand up for yourself.
Lee Miller 10+
#1: Humans aren't designed to function is groups where 20-35 people all have the same "rank." A school situation doesn't have enough leaders. The result is that some kids try to become leaders, but because they're kids, they go about gaining authority in an immature way - by using force and fear.
#2: Bullying is herd instinct artificially caged. All animal groups have some kind of standard for admittance, and those that fail to meet the standard are driven out. The problem with school is that we force kids into arbitrary groups. The unwanted individual cannot flee to find a group that suits them better. Thus, the "driving out" behavior (bullying) never ends.
Jack Parkin
I went to a public school and I still remember hearing "I can't wait until I am in 5th grade so we aren't the ones that are picked on, we'll pick on the 3rd graders." In a Montessori school the younger kids look forward to getting older so they can be the ones helping. It's a difference of how the kids get their feeling of importance.
In "How to Win Friends and Influence People" the author says that having a feeling of importance is as integral to a person as hunger, thirst and sex. I thought that a bit absurd the first time reading it, but I've kept that in mind as I observe my own behavior and I think there really is something to that.
I believe that above all else, Bullies bully for a feeling of importance. If that is true, then the best way to stop bullying is to give these kids another outlet for feeling important. That is why I like the Montessori model, kids should get their feeling of importance by helping the younger children.
Kent Spencer 10+
I learned that the kids who were picked on were mainly in 9th and 10th grade. These kids were more likely to lash out when being picked on. Their reaction gave the bully more to feed from. It gave the bully a chance to feel like a victim, in those cases the person being attacked got little or equal justice as the attacker when the situation was being resolved The more the bullying went on, the more of a connection the bully and the one being attacked developed. I've seen students involved in this usually ending up friends in the 11th and 12th grade.
I believe that it's better for the one being bullied to find a group of genuine friends. Bullies usually don't attack a person that has friends or a group to be social with. I would advise someone being bullied to show no emotion of any kind to their attacker. Emotion is what the bully feeds from. If it doesn't stop, someone high in charge should be notified
walter crockett
Jess Pillmore
If we know that play is the work of children, how they learn about the world around them, then is it possible to extend this type of learning into teens?
Could bullying be a dramatic (meaning played with higher stakes and more drastic consequences) way for young adults to try and understand how it looks like adults verbally and emotionally, sometimes physically, treat each other? Maybe this is why bullies have a tendency to not think or care about the after-effect of their actions, if in a way it's all a game.
Bully tend to pick on those that don't blend in; those that are vulnerable; those that are 'other' than the bullying group, like LatinLupe752. I believe that exercising and teaching/showing empathy and more truth telling about vulnerability and failure leading to individuality and strength could help rectify bullying in young adults and adults.
This needs to happen through skills: about listening, being vulnerable, speaking for yourself, community/ensemble, action and reaction, metaphor, empathy, articulating fears and emotions, buoyancy and breathing (a highly underrated tool that many don't do well - breathing deep, controlled breathing for specific emotional, mental and physical responses).
Children don't come to this world hating. They have to learn it. And I believe we all learn from what we experience and observe more than what we are told.
Katherine Soyster
This might be repetitious, but a big thing that i think our teachers and coaches could do to help prevent bullying--Or at least reduce it--would be to pay closer attention to their students and teammates, both in and out of class. this includes listening.
Of course, it also helps if people speak up, but it's very hard to do, especially when we're wanting to just "fit in with the crowd". I think that coaches, maybe even teachers, should ask their students if they have noticed or heard any acts of bullying. Sometimes it can be easier to speak out in small groups, or when anonymity is granted. Maybe even a "suggestion box" could help.
Debra Smith 200+
Your own experience is never repetitious, while it may not be unique to the group it is unique to you and shaped you so it is important and telling it is not just valid it is also important. Thanks for doing so here. We all need to be ever reminded of the personal price people pay and have paid.
Ankit Kanojia
1. Bully: why he is doing this ?
a. For Satisfaction..
b. Try to overcome his fear of being left out..
c. Gain importance/ attention.
2. Bullied: The Victim
a. Tries to escape from Bully, which increases the confidence of bully.
b. Tries to Ignore, which is contradictory to bully's purpose.
c. Complain to others, which satisfies, bully's purpose to gain attention.
What should be done, for me being bullied is good, because if you see history, their are many famous personalities who were being bullied & in some way they learn to fight from the hurdles, But their is No place for bully in History.
If you see our place on earth, we were being bullied by large creatures/animals, but ultimately who Won ?
It's called Survival for Existence....
So, if you enjoy Being Bullied, The Purpose of the Bully, will be lost & their is no action without purpose...
Debra Smith 200+
Matthew Stephenson
ian harris
This ted conversation centers on the physical bullying we all see growing up and some solutions could be.
Identifying potential bullies from a young age. Making activities available for naturaly agressive kids; wrestling, boxing etc. These kids should be taught there strength is a positive attribute and there energy channeled accordingly.
All children should be taught that bullying does occur and how to identify it. Children need to know even name calling is a wrong against them as a person. This education should be available at school and hopeully comes from home as well.
I personaly believe human social behaviour should be taught to young children so they understand what is happening within their worlds as they naturally form groups and internal hierarchy. How males establish leaders is something I explain to my own 10 year old son so he understands when another boy gives him a little shove he his testing the waters and he is free to shove him back or warn him as he sees fit not to shove him again.
What about the weakest boy in the school? Do we give him a physical trainer and self defense classes? Do we teach him to make friends with a stronger allies. I think if that person is aware of the situation along with his parents and teachers then the best solution will be all the more easier to come by.
I think bullying must have a plan of defense and yes attack. Let kids become as familiar with the subject as they are with the rules of crossing the road. Lets both help the bully and be prepared for him and always bare in mind it is a totally natural behaviour and an important one in my opinion.
Christina Williams
Debra Smith 200+
Thank goodness we have a new and empowered generation who do not accept bullying as the status quo. I am so hopeful!
eric wexler
Jim Moonan 30+
(good to hear your voice again debra:)
Debra Smith 200+