Sudhakar Shiraganavar

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How to choose a good partner?

When you enter into the age of 25 or above the pressure from parents starts to get married. One has to choose a good partner for that, i wonder how one do that and live lifelong. Is it the love that makes the partners stay cool or the the circumstance make that.. Anyway i want to get the suggestions from the TED community regarding this question. Which one is better, the loved marriage or the arranged marriage? and which one lasts longer?

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    Jun 30 2012: If you want to "CHOOSE" one, that person may not "CHOOSE" you......
    Understand your question has got instinct cultural bias, as I am from similar culture as well.....
    Friend it's not a matter of pick and choose.......
    Even if you are able choose....then also it's not the end. Rather most important is how to align each other to remain together in a happy way.....if that's the objective
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    Jun 30 2012: You don't just "choose" a good partner. You have to wait and see which person is most compatible to your ideologies, past times, interests, and such. A person that you can talk to easily and have the best times doing the simplest things. Otherwise, the relationship will either be a frustrating one or one that will eventually fail. Then, when the two realize that they have love between them, they take the next step. Choosing implies that the other person will comply, most of the times, I'm assuming, it doesn't work out for the best, A person that you respect, have fun with, learn with, has an open-mind and vice-versa would also be qualities to look for. Look for do not choose, because some times surprises can happen with this thing we humans call "love"
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    Jul 1 2012: Firstly, be prepared. Prepare to keep your vows; prepare to resist the overwhelming pressures that would seem like good reasons to do away with your promises.

    If you have successfully mastered self-examination, and you are certain that you know yourself well: then you can know,through interaction, that woman that understands you and shares your visions, ideas, goals and worldview; that woman that you respect and has given you grounds to build on forgiveness. Even though the cultures places emphasis on the woman respecting the man, but mutual respect is extremely important for a happy marriage because marriage is a council of two. A council whose success depends on both parties.

    It would not matter if someone introduced you to a woman or if you met her without such help. All that matters is that you get to know her, to listen to her, and see the world from her point of view. Tolerate her failings, because despite what you think, you too are not perfect and you do have your annoying ways that she would have to adjust too.

    Love is very important; but it is not the only reason for remaining in marriage. Love has to graduate from the state of 'being in love' to a commitment to love.
    When people are in love, they make promises; and the promises made when you are in love and because you are in love, commits you to being true even when you cease to being in love.

    A woman might have sacrificed her career or the country of her birth, because she loves you. Children may be born a few years later. Keeping your promise is to ensure that you dont abandon this helpless woman and the children whenever you are tired of her.

    Marriage is like education. You are only truly educated when you know that there is always more to learn, and that you dont have the monopoly of knowledge.

    If you are prepared for hardwork, forgiveness, tolerance and responsibility, then you are ready for marriage.
  • Jul 12 2012: Less than 2 days to go and only 7 comments.

    I think it is fair to say that most folks don't have much to say about this question.

    Maybe they think you just have to find your own way.
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    Jul 1 2012: There is guarantee of a good marriage. All marriages have ups and downs. Marriages are high maintenance. Each partner must give 150%. My answer in other posts has been to be friends with them. Learn to laugh, cry, share, see the strengths, weaknesses, this builds respect and a bond that no wedge can come between.

    Also it is very important to have the support of parents, relatives, and friends. Spend time with them and respect the position they have in your life. When they see you and your bride to be and how happy you are together they will support you. Be sure to include them in your wedding and in your life.

    All the best. Bob.
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    Jun 30 2012: Never mind what your parents think. Your lifespan is likely to be 25 years longer than what it was for their generation, so take your time and chose someone you can stand till you both die at age 105.

    Also, if you're gay, arranged marriage may not be an option.
  • Jun 30 2012: Do you know how to make friends?

    The best advice I ever heard is, marry your best friend.
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    Jun 30 2012: You need to evaluate yourself first if you are also the same person or not ? This will help you find it soon.