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Madonna Dougherty

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What does "intimidating" connotate? Is it a good or bad thing to be called intimidating?

doing an internet search turns up 2 very opposed ways of looking at this term, so I am interested it what it means to you -- is it a trait we ought to suppress or change or is it a trait we ought to encourage in ourselves? I think the starting point it to know what is connates to others. I hear " He/She is SO intimidating" and it's said with admiration due to status of power or wealth, or just confidence. Then other times it seems to evoke fear. As in police officers,laywers, or others in authority. Especially for women though, it seems we respect other women who are "intimidating" yet for men less so, is it a gender related answer too?

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    Colleen Steen 500+

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    Jun 28 2012: Hi Madonna,
    To be called intimidating is neither good or bad. What is important, is the intent of the source, and how we choose to receive the information. Being considered intimidating may not necessarily be a "trait". Some people may simply see us as intimidating because we are who we are, and do what we do. I do not necessarily believe it is a "gender related" issue. I believe it to be more related to how secure/insecure we are in ourselves, how we project that security/insecurity, and how we accept information.

    I have been told twice in my life that I am intimidating.
    Once, by a man who wanted to have a more intimate, committed relationship, when that was not what I wanted. After using a number of different tactics over a period of time, he finally told me that I was intimidating. I interpreted it as another attempt to try to get what he wanted and/or an expression of disappointment or frustration because I was not following his "script". He moved on to another woman, which was preferable for both of us:>)

    The other time was with a business colleague who desperately wanted me to change my position regarding a business deal. I stood my ground and refused to alter the previous agreement. He told me that I was intimidating....followed by "because, you walk your talk". I accepted it as a compliment:>)

    Hmmmmm....these were both men...maybe it IS gender related....just kidding...I don't really think it is. I believe it is security/insecurity related:>)

    There is a psychological term called "leveling", which people use (consciously or unconsciously) to bring another person to their level of security/insecurity. "Intimidating" does not sound like a "good label", so people who are less secure, may use it on a more secure person to try to "level" the interaction....make any sense?
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    Debra Smith 200+

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    Jun 28 2012: To be intimidating is usually considered bad but it is often used as a weapon against purposeful women. Check out the source. Maybe you do intimidate unhealthy men who will never pick you as a mate. Is that a problem?
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      Madonna Dougherty

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      Jun 28 2012: No not an issue with me and men at all. At work though someone who said I was intimidating, but I don't think they meant it as a negative. But I didn't ask them because I felt intimidated (note: irony!), it was a very high up, influential person (female). But I know when I talk with girlfriends and we refer to another woman as intimidating, we usually, not always I suppose, mean she is powerful or confident. Wiki has only the "fear" , almost a legal type definition. I guess in the end if someone says they think you are , you need to ask because it could go either way.
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        Debra Smith 200+

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        Jun 28 2012: I sincerely apologize for making assumptions. I have never heard 'to intimidate' used positively unless it was gloved (Passive aggressively used) as in "she intimidates the hell out of me because she is just so damned good at what she does".
        I love the way you have invited us into this segment of your life and i have full confidence that you will find the answer you need from someone here.
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          Colleen Steen 500+

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          Jun 28 2012: Perhaps the way she framed the question makes a difference? She did not write "to intimidate", nor did she write "to be intimidating". I agree that to intentionally intimidate is not a good thing.

          The question is...
          "Is it a good or bad thing to be called intimidating?"
          "To be called" may be a qualifying factor?
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    Linda Taylor 50+

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    Jun 26 2012: Depends on the context. I can be very intimidating in my role as an advocate. But I would not want to be so intimidating that someone would fear harm. Wait, hmm... no I would not want anyone to think I would harm them. Had to think twice about that one.
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      Obey No1kinobe 50+

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      Jun 26 2012: Agree. I vocalised your first four words and was about to type, but already done..
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    Kevin Jacobson

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    Jun 25 2012: Well, I suppose it's good if you can take advantage of it.
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    Fritzie Reisner 100+

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    Jun 25 2012: Maybe a business or institution hiring security guards (or guard dogs) would want their hires to look intimidating, but wouldn't the vast majority of the rest of us really, really not want to be intimidating? Intimidating suggests someone's first reaction on meeting would be fear.

    That sounds like a serious impediment to communication and human connection.
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