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Benj Teo

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One has to take liberties when translating a poem from another language.

.Another Tang Dynasty Poem
.. (as per my interpretation) ..
Long Night Moon by Zhang Jiuling

The moon waxing over the horizon -
erstwhile sombre night brightened.
Lovers separated by the lingering night,
pining for distant passions to re-ignite.
The candle doused - darkness resists;
covered for warmth - the chill persists.
Lunar reflections of my heart dreary -
to sleep, to wane in dreamy reverie.

... 張九齡 ...
..望月怀远..

海上生明月
天涯共此时
情人怨遥夜
竟夕起相思
灭烛怜光满
披衣觉露滋
不堪盈手赠
还寝梦佳期

Topics: poetry
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  • Benj Teo

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    Jul 16 2012: How do I extend this conversation, anyone?
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      Debra Smith 200+

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      Jul 16 2012: Respond to the gifts of sharing you have already received and perhaps ask everyone a question which will expand their answer. Those questions often interest others and they respond to them too.

  • Benj Teo

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    Jul 16 2012: Debra: I agree with you where language is concerned. When it comes to references (of another era or culture) which current readers find hard to comprehend, I think they have to be "modernised" to make them more relevant. For example: the second last verse talks about a "hand gift" - which would be hard to grasp. I could not understand it myself.
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    Debra Smith 200+

    • +1
    Jul 16 2012: I am not convinced that liberties must be taken. Often what is actually required is a better grasp of the intracacies of the languages involved. Poor or libertarian translations usually embarass their translators later in life.

  • Benj Teo

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    Jun 19 2012: Yes. Sina, that's what I did with the Tang poem, especially the second last verse which refers to a "hand gift". I did not fully comprehend it - so I interpreted it as a hand-written missive. I took the liberty to translate it as the lonely thoughts of the poet which only the moon understood.
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    Sina Elli 10+

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    TED Translator
    Jun 18 2012: Translation is not just conversion of languages but an ACT OF CREATION itself. in that sense you can take the liberty of adding your own flavor to make it right.

  • Ed Schulte 50+

    • +1
    Jun 16 2012: Yes and

    not only is it 'words' that must be "taken liberties of" (languages such as english are seriously limited when it comes to penetrating the HUman Psyche, for example try to find a clear reference foe "Te" in English) but also the base reference point ....iow ...the Level of Consciousness....to transfer back and forth from.

    As an Example ....here is a Sufi poem...English version ....which....from my perspective ...is pointing to the realm / place/no-place your translated poem points too

    Completely different words ....completely opposite approach....same end results


    if you stay awake
    for an entire night
    watch out for a treasure
    trying to arrive

    you can keep warm
    by the secret sun of the night
    keeping your eyes open
    for the softness of dawn

    try it for tonight
    challenge your sleepy eyes
    do not lay your head down
    wait for heavenly alms

    night is the bringer of gifts
    Moses went on a ten-year journey
    during a single night
    invited by a tree
    to watch the fire and light

    Mohammed too made his passage
    during that holy night
    when he heard the glorious voice
    when he ascended to the sky

    day is to make a living
    night is only for love
    commoners sleep fast
    lovers whisper to God all night

    all night long
    a voice calls upon you
    to wake up
    in the precious hours

    if you miss your chance now
    when your body is left behind
    your soul will lament
    death is a life of no return

    -- Translation by Nader Khalili
    "Rumi, Fountain of Fire"
    Cal-Earth Press, 1994
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