Vijai Balaiah

Process Manager,

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Our parents took care of us when we were kids. Why the grown-up kids don't take care of the parents?[not everyone;especially after marriage]

1. Tips to the kids
2. Tips to the parents
3. Handling tough situations
4. Do we really need to draw a line?

  • Jun 15 2012: NOT all children grow up and discard their parents...

    Depending on the background one comes from... it is considered an honour in my family specifically to care for the elders whether they need the help or not, it is a sign of gratitude for having been cared for by them.

    Caring financially is one of the biggest way after taking them into your home when they cannot care for themselves anymore...

    Tip to the kids - remember the love you received
    Tip to the parents - Your children do not owe you anything, they care for you because they care
    Handling tough situations - you can be tough without being hurtful, lay the law, be generous
    Drawing the line - DEFINITELY... this is your home, your rules, by your design... NEVER let your parents take over your home UNLESS you want to be the child all over again!
    • Jun 15 2012: I concur. Kind, sensitive, caring, loving children (or others) dedicating themselves to care of elderly is a sign of an advancing society. This is an idea worth spreading.

      Those children and others who are so selfish and insensitive such as to abandon parents exhibit immaturity of soul and character. Love is experienced and it is better when given. Why abandon the older generation? It is better to give than to receive and the older folks who cannot function as in earlier years deserve honor and respect. Help them retain their self respect by giving them your time.

      Balanced good rules are right, as you say.
      Peace,
      MK
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    Jun 16 2012: Hi Vijai,
    A very nice question indeed.
    Well coming straight to the point ,

    1. Tips to the kids - Remember it was ur parents who were changing ur diapers . If you are the most successful person in your profession , its because of your parents. Don't you think they deserve a lot of credit. We are indebted to them for the amount of care and warmth we have received from them.

    2. Tips to the parents : Well, though it is your children's job to take care you , I don't know if its right for me to say that we must never keep too much expectations out of them .

    3. Handling tough situations : here is where discussions come into picture . So discussions really help out.

    4. Do we really need to draw a line? Well sometimes we need to analyze the situation, if the family is really poor and the entire income is spent on taking care of the elderly then they must be sent to old age homes but when the children are doing really well financially then its upto children to take care of the parents .

    Regards,
    Bharath
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    Jun 16 2012: In my experience, the care of an elderly person is a difficult strain on a family. In many families both adults are working and children are in school so no one is home during the day. Many elderly are not safe alone for hours at a time. Many are confused and can be combative. Some are fine during the day but get confused and wander at night. Many cannot move safely without assistance and some have lost the ability to toilet themselves.

    Because of these and many other social factors, I have see the result of some people attempting to care for their elders at home. Some are left alone for hours at a time sometimes in their own excrement. Some with terrible sores because no one is available to reposition them. Some are locked in small areas so they do not wander off. Some fall and break bones because they try and get up by themselves.

    Most people love their parents. Most want them to be safe and cared for but are unable to provide that care in these difficult economic times. Grown-up kids ARE taking care of their parents even if it is not their own hands providing the care.

    1. Tip to the children - Do not regret any decision in the care of your parents where you are truly considering their welfare.

    2. Tip to the parents - Work with your children and make previous arrangements to lighten the tough decisions they will be faced with.

    3. Handling tough situations - Plan ahead and have several contingency plans. Ageing is never a smooth path and conditions can literally change in a heartbeat.

    4. Do we really need to draw a line? What another one? We have several elder abuse laws in place now. Elders are screened by healthcare providers to assure adequate care. Sometimes the courts here will remove an elder from a home because the coping by the family has become inadequate.

    Tip to the facilitator - Most of us are providing the best care we can for our elders in our home or not. My elderly father lives with me but I am concerned for his safety.
  • Jun 15 2012: I think it's a shame most people don't look after their elders any more. Where I am from people seem to think it is okay just to leave them to their own devises or put them away into a care home. I believe that it is partially because that people have become more self absorbed. Instead of thinking about how they can help they think about the impact that it would have on their lives.
    1. Tip to the children - think about the person you need to look after, about other cultures where children ensure their folks have a comfortable life before themselves.

    2. Tip to the parents - Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

    3. Handling tough situations - no matter who you are asking for help is something you should not be afraid of. It does not make you weak.

    4. Drawing the line - Make sure both party's are in agreement on how things will run, kindly but firmly keep those in place.