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Enter the TED caption contest in the New Yorker Magazine here !!
Very self explanatory.
Just scroll down to "Stay Tuned" for june 11th
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/caption/
Ed Schulte 50+
2) "To illustrate how couples come to look alike, this is my wife."
3) “Please hold your applause—there are eighteen more minutes of this.”