Fonkou Djoendia

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Can one only fall in love once?

I believe that we can only fall in love once. I don't know, maybe I am just a little naive cause I am still so young, but I really do think that you can only fall in love one time. Love is such a special thing, and if you can fall in love more than 10 times then what is so special about it?
So do you believe we can only fall in love once or more than once?

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    Jun 8 2012: Falling in love only once is not evolutionnally advantageous.
    You gotta be able to burry the deceased loved one and carry on with the reproduction and caring of children allongside another mate.
    Those unlucky ancestors who never remarried had less chance of passing their passionately romantic genes.

    On the other hand, those who fell in and out of love too easily were probably not helping out at home, and the offspring had less chance to survive and pass down don giovanni genes.

    There is a ballance.
    • Jun 11 2012: So what you are saying is that even if the love still exists, we simply should continue with the reproduction and caring of children allongside another mate because it is evolutionnally advantageous? I don't think that this leads to happiness.
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        Jun 11 2012: no, that's not what I'm saying!!!
        I'm saying we fall in love again, for all this to take place.
        You're quite happy to fall in love again, and carry on with your life.
        • Jun 11 2012: And what I am saying is that to fall in love is temporary but to love is permanent. I think that the best would be to carry on with someone who really loves you and you love. This is a real happiness and it is proven by time, the rest is a temporary satisfaction but definitely not a real happiness... and btw I think this happens once because it is a long time search and you can distinguish it after a lot of tests of the life
        • Jun 13 2012: What happens if the person you love stops loving you? Saying something is best or better is a well-intentioned opinion but could be a bit challenging to read for someone who has, for one reason or another, had their love rejected, or lost their loved one. Life and relationships are complex. If you don't have the ability to be resilient and to pick up the pieces and start over again, you may find life to be a pretty harsh and unforgiving place.
          All that said, if you are one of the lucky ones, be grateful. And if you are not, be grateful anyways for the ability to reset the love meter.
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    Jun 8 2012: I think you're thinking about first love - which should blow your socks off! Luckly, love calls many times in life - sometimes in very surprising ways.
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    Jun 7 2012: Thank God you get more than one chance.
  • Jun 7 2012: Yes you are a little naive methinks...
    There is more than one kind of love. We English speakers are deprived of specificity by our language. The Greeks had at least 3 words to describe love. Eros is erotic/romantic love, filios is brotherly love, and agape is worldly or universal love. I fall I love with the world everyday!
    Chances are that you will fall in romantic love more than once in your life, at least the vast majority of us do... Also be sure you can tell the difference between biologically induced love (lust), and the more subtle phenomenon which we call love... Biology can be tricky! I certainly have fooled myself in the past....
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      Jun 7 2012: Thank you so much for that answer Kate! And I totally agree with you!
  • Jun 7 2012: You posted another question, about 5 things that one learns that is the most important. One I forgot to mention is to fall in love every day. Life is such a beautiful thing. However to answer your question directly. I think someone can love many but from my limited experience of one person I believe that there is one person in MY lifetime I feel I could ever be interwoven completely. I think that this sort of bond can go beyond love. However, putting my psychologists hat on I think that it could largely be affected by personality, genetics, up bringing and life experiences...and of course chance.

    Love comes in many shapes and forms and each time you realise you love, be it a moment, an animal, water dripping off your window pane or while looking up at the universe it is so unique and awe inspiring ... I guess that's what makes it special.
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    Jun 7 2012: i fell in love twice. so what now?
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    Jun 7 2012: I see you are a singer. The song phrase .. "Fools fall in love where angles dare not tread .....". sort of expresses the idea to go slowly and be sure.

    I would like to make an argument that not all relationships are "love". When a Freshman girl "falls" for the Senior Quarterback of the football team, we used to tease and say it is puppy love. So what is love? We say I love Coke Cola, I love ice cream, I love pie, don't you just love that dress. Perhaps love is an overworked work and emotion. True love is expressed over time, trials, and tribulations. It is a deep devoation that survived many challenges. I think it is very important to like a person before commitment. If we do not like each other then what chance do we have of this lasting. Can you communicate with this person. Can you trust this person. A relationship is not 50 - 50. A long lasting relationship takes lots of upkeep, repair, and maintenance which requires 150 - 150.

    Make the last thing you say to anyone, especially a loved one, today a nice thing. It maybe the last time you can tell them you "love" them.

    Nothing is wrong with being young. You have asked pertinent questions and take the answers you get with a grain of salt.

    To answer your larger question. Some people never find love and go through some sort of meaningless encounters often without learning from the experience. Some find the great love of their life and are satisfied to never seek another. Some have a great love and the partner dies and they are fortunite to find another.

    Bill Williams said, "If you find one true friend in this life you are a lucky person". Maybe that is what we seek the altimate friend.

    There is no one correct answer. All the best. Bob
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      Jun 7 2012: That was very helpful. You are very intelligent! Thank you:)
  • Jun 26 2012: Love is a feeling. Falling in love, being in love, staying in love (a relationship) -- these are actions.

    For me, it's kindness extended to someone, and receiving kindness from them. Not as a transaction, but because, when you begin to love someone, you honestly care what they think of you. You want to make them happy.

    In a healthy relationship, these feelings are mutual. You can remain in a relationship with someone who doesn't care spit about you, or even someone who doesn't care spit about themselves, but you will begin to feel bad, what psychologists call "low self-esteem."

    What you are feeling is that your love is worthless. That person doesn't value it. And as a reflection, you feel therefore that you are worthless.

    You may fall in love many times. You may fall in love, try to stay with that person -- "keep the love alive" -- but not be able to. You may want different things. You cannot perform the ACTIONS of someone who loves if you yourself are miserable or unhappy. It's exhausting. And short-lived.

    One of the problems of relationships is inherent in your question -- what expectations for love we bring with us. "Is love a one-time thing?" "Is s/he the One?" You bring with you all your culture, everything your family and friends have told you, every story you've read or watched on TV or at the movies. Try not to do that. Try to focus on what you WANT, what the other person WANTS, and whether you are able and willing to try to give those things to one another.

    Love is a decision you make every day. "I like being with this person. This person makes me feel good about myself. And I make him/her feel good about him/herself, and that I'm able to do that makes ME feel good, too."

    Good luck.
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    Jun 18 2012: i think it is a wonderfully romantic idea that you only 'fall in love' with the one person, but there are many flaws..
    What if you never ever meet that 'one' person..
    what if that 'one' person dies..
    what if that 'one' is married to someone else?
    what if that one person steals your money, your heart, turns you life inside out and leaves you with nothing?
    if you believe they are the only person for you and stay with them hoping they might change then you may find yourself suffering much more than you need to.. and love didnt save the day..
    you can fall in love more than once, maybe several times, but that does not make it any less special.. every time is different, it isnt a matter of loving someone more or less than with someone in the past.. just sometimes things dont work out, but you can carry on with an open heart and mind, which will serve you much better than thinking the 'love of your life' didnt work out.. you do i get a second, or third, or however many shots at it till you are happy..
    and the other person is happy too..
    something like that!
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    Jun 9 2012: I have heard love defined as being willing to die for someone. There are many people in my life that I am willing to do that for and many I don't know as well. In my experience, Love is also a choice, I can choose to love or not to love. Your thinking is grand and wonderful and I believe in trying to have only one romantic relationship in life. The love that most talk of when talking about romantic love is part lust, part crazy, part Love I defined and big part of truly being loved back. Seek love, it is worth finding, test love, it takes time to be sure that your love is returned. Stick to it the best you can, Love is worth fighting for and waiting for.
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    Jun 8 2012: I think that we can fall in love . . . daily, even many times on a day. But what I mean to say "fall in love"? Well, I mean to feel a tenderness stream of energy towards something or somebody; the stream lets in and over you all a sweet and nice sensation, which can be forgotten al allong the day or which you can cultivate and give it care and the, you may have grown a nice and wonderful feeling, a new illusion for living.