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Fonkou Djoendia

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What is your biggest regret so far?

I am a teenager. And I love asking questions. Especially to adults. And TED is a wonderful community filled with intelligent people! I think we learn more by asking questions. Please tell me, What is your biggest regret so far in life?

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    Jun 8 2012: Learning from mistake makes one to have regret free life.....I am in quest of that.......
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      Jun 11 2012: I don't think it is regret free, I think that it helps you come to terms with the regrets and let them go, but you cannot identify the mistake and the lesson to be learned if you don't experience regret about the situation in the first instance.

      When you truly work out how to do this let us all know. I'm trying to let go of my regrets as well, some successfully but others not so much. If you learn how to do that, then that is an idea truly worth spreading :-)
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        Jun 11 2012: Kylie,
        Living a life free of regret is very possible...I do it, and I am aware of many other people who experience a regret free life as well.

        My first comment on this thread:
        3 days ago: "Hi Fonkou,
        No regrets. As far as I am concerned, regret uses energy I can use in a more productive way. I try my best to learn and grow with each and every life experience, so there is nothing to regret:>)"

        How does it serve us, or anyone else to hold onto the feelings of regret? Of course we can identify the lesson without regret. That is exactly how to live a regret free life. If we spend our energy learning from the experience, there really is no room in the heart and mind for regret.

        When I was young, I sometimes held onto the feelings of frustration and regret because of certain experiences. As I matured, I realized that I learned something, and I decided to go directly to the learning, rather than holding onto fear based feelings/emotions.

        Ask yourself..."how does holding onto this feeling serve me or anyone else"? If you can answer that it does serve you in some way to hold onto regret, then carry on. If you answer that it does not serve you in any way, then let it go. Holding onto regret is a choice in each and every moment.
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        Jun 11 2012: Dear Kylie
        It depends on perspective......you can say the moment one did mistake and understood that a mistake was done...right that moment s/he is not free from regret....so nobody is regret free all time...you are right from that perspective and I am not going to debate on that. I took "Regret Free" as term which usually we use in a longerterm perspective....

        Colleen has shed some insightful light on it above......

        What I feel and observed also here from some practical examples (I admire those , some of which really heart breaking as well) we tend to even regret for something which is beyond our control....I am not saying that's bad ...rather it's a sign of great mind one can have......but regreting for things out our control drains out lot's of energy as well..........so what I wanted to tell consiouly I am trying to avoid.....that's why I wrote "Quest" didn't write "achieve"....

        Thanks for your thoughts which made me to reflect a bit more....have a good day.
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        Jun 11 2012: Kylie and Salim,
        Good point! Perhaps "regret free" is misleading. I was also looking at "regret" as a long term perspective, and something we do not need to hold onto for a long term...in my perception.

        There is, as you both point out, a time when we may feel sorry about what we did or said, and in that respect we feel "regret" for a certain amount of time.

        In my perception and practice, as soon as I realize that I did or said something that was not useful, I immediately change the words, behaviors, apologize, or whatever is needed to change the situation to the best of my ability.

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