Grace Fleming

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I would like to hear people's perspectives about an inherent lack of respect in our culture, and how we can teach transcendence of such?

One could argue hate, war, and crime which have gone on for centuries are manifestations of man's same "dark" side, but are we merely using disrespect as weakened versions of our other sides, and is there a way to transcend it? Perhaps try to bring back a non gender specific form of chivalry, as an example? What has happened to human interaction as a result of so much of us relying on social media, and will this be a contributing factor to the demise of our sense of connection that leads to further devolution of our societal mores, or just plain manners?

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    May 30 2012: Multiculturalism creates stress. Now that America is not longer still trying to become (we are grounded with a constitution and laws) greed has taken over. This lack of respect will remain as long as everyone is trying to be rich and powerful. I wanted to start a caucasian women's support group and was told that would be racist. Someone asked why would a white person need support. Well, because when one is with their own kind they feel more relaxed and share a common bond, therefore are at liberty to share and support one another. It's a shame in a country I was born in double standards have prevented me from doing so. Another reason for lack of respect is the breakdown of the american family leaves children without proper manners. I know this is kinda all over the place. Topics I touched on however have led lack or respect toward one another and our elders.
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      May 31 2012: So you still see the world in black and white? That is sad indeed. I would give you all the help you want. you really need it!
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        Jun 1 2012: I see the world as full of options. Perhaps you need to really think about it. You don't know me. If by my comment wanting to form a support group of people just like me (many do it all the time, they just happen to be perhaps asian or whatever.) Obviously when I said white, you assumed I meant color, what I was am referring to is caucasian ie...that could be spanish, asian etc.) so perhaps u aren't as smart as you think you are.

        definition of caucasian, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caucasian_race
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    May 30 2012: Respect seems to be becoming a rare human expression because we are becoming more self centered.
    In most cases, we dont really care about the 'other', that is: other cultures, other religions, other ideas, other nations, other way of doing things.
    The world is turning to a place of 'my way or nothing else' while successfully presenting a front of being a 'global village', or being more democratic.
    Social media has provided more opportunities for sharing information and knowing more about other areas of the world that would not have been heard of without it. But it has not cured humanity of selfishness, avarice, pride and other vices that has always plagued interpersonal relationships. For example, the online community could rant and rave about someone like Joseph Kony for days; but do they really care about the Ugandan people? Or is it just an attempt to go with twitter's trends?
    Interpersonal relationships blossoms when there is emphaty and tolerance.
    Now there are war of words online! Some people want homosexuals to be destroyed; some people want the Jews wiped out; some people think the US is the 'great Satan'; some people think Middle East women must be like European/American women in order to be 'emancipated'; some people want Europe to get rid of all 'foreigners'.
    In Nigeria,some people have learnt how to make bombs from the web, and now suicide bombings are weekly news.
    With social media, human relationships have become superficial: now most people think they can help some Malian girl being traffiked for slavery, or a Nigerian girl being forced to marry a man twice her father's age, by clicking 'like' on a facebook page. Sometimes we mistake the online world for the real world. Or social media could create an illussion of change when actually no change is taking place.
    Yes, social networks has numerous advantages, recently it has been instrumental to the overthrow of dictators; but it can never replace the old-fashioned touch and presence of a fellow human being.
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      May 30 2012: I cannot remember where I read this case in the last week or so, but I agree that the internet makes communication among diverse groups easier than ever, but it also makes it easier to band together in groups onf people who reenforce each others prejudices. Perhaps it was the article Big Think ran in the last week about what the author called Neo-tribalism.
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        Jun 3 2012: it has it's pro's and cons. I think though we would be better off using the telephone and embracing face to face in person relationships like it use to be. It's healthier mentally and physically. If it were a pay service there would be far less negativity on facebook if u get my drift. The government being able to listen to us is good in someways, and not so good in others. I have dialed back my usage for personal reasons...just need to get out more, my husband of 14 years passed and, well, u understand. I have a website if u care to check it out. http://www.maryrondoni.com Have a good Sunday. God Rocks.

        p.s. i didn't proofread, lol.
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    Jun 2 2012: Social networks are simply one more social interaction space. It won't erode or devolve our social mores any more than print or the telephone did.

    It's just different.
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    May 31 2012: In India, Culture is a one of the most important things for a family.A child is been taught how to behave in public. Which indeed are manners. But when the child finishes his adolescence, He get know about the practical world.
    He/she thinks of creating our owns self-esteem or own's recognition in his friends circle (At this particular age every child feels that friends are more important than our family. and the boy's future depends on how good his friends are in manner. ). Then they try to take help of the famous culture/Trends happening in western countries.(Western culture is famous topic.) It is been possible by globalization. And when they apply it Things become difrent for the boy and his family because of the "Generation Gap". Because the food eaten in the different part of the globe doesn't suit for the environment in the other part of the globe.! Some times it dose feel that every coin has two sides. When lots of incredible things are happening in the world with the use of the technology At the same time we are experiencing the loses and side-effects of it. I am a guy at the end of my teenage.. but i thought about everything before i did anything about it's profit and future effects.. I do think Industrial revolution happened to be the start of the multiculturalism. But though we have every thing in front of us we must choose wisely. ! I do respect the other cultures.. I also took some good points and rules.. In Indian history, Mogul emperor 'Akbar' also did the same.. He saw that when two different religions come in front of each others, They fight because some points are there which both of them don't like in each others. So Akbar studied all the existing religions at that time and made a book which had all the good qualities of each culture to make the environment and the diverse society live in peace..) Now about teaching the manners is that we must show the child the pros & cons of any thing he dose, Keeping a good transparent relationship with son.)
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    May 31 2012: I do not have any children which I am aware of but I can and will speak from the students perspective.

    The fact that you are aware of the problem is proof that you are the solution. There is no manual, there is no set of instructions, there is only a guiding hand which acts at a moments notice. Guide your child away from evil but not necessarily pain, sometimes you must touch the stove to believe it is hot. Manner are best taught first, the child will ignore become embarrassed, and they will not make the same mistake again.

    Good luck I feel that just by asking this question you will do well and raise a productive and proud human being.
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    Jun 28 2012: The most profound example of your point from my own life is the decline in respect in university classrooms. when I first started many years ago - no one would talk when the prof was lecturing. Now it is almost impossible to hear him or her. People think their right to yap supercedes other's rights to learn. I do not understand this phenomenon. It feels like de-evolution to me.
  • Jun 7 2012: I believe our egos are overpowering our sense of compassion, and indeed we are blind to our 'oneness' with each other. I think this Talk summed it all up for me - the purpose of life is connectedness, yet we are so afraid of it. Be brave, it takes great bravery to respect differences!! It takes great bravery to allow love, and to embrace uncertainty. And I guess - at the end of the day - the only real change in the world will come from the change within. As the great Mahatma Ghandi himself said (oh if only TED were around in his day to spread his wisdom furhter)....Be the change you want to see in the world. Thanks Brene for this talk, you have inspired me for major change too!
  • May 31 2012: Can you explain what do you consider as a lack of respect in our culture or any culture? Can you mention concrete examples?
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    May 31 2012: I believe that respect and seeking the good in the people one encounters can be modeled and taught at home, just as other values are taught and modeled at home. The same can be reenforced in the institutions in which children spend time, like schools, community centers, and religious organizations. I don't know how successfully one can reverse such a mindset in the adult once it is established, but some adults do find mentors, gurus, and so forth as adults in situations in which they seem to change their beliefs and values.

    While seeking identity is innate, a part of human development (particularly in adolescence) that involves distinguishing oneself from some or all others, doing this by defining those others as enemies or inferior of values is not, I think, innate. It is only common. Representing some other as a caricature of negatives can seem a cheaper way of feeling adequate or superior than working on improving oneself.
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      Jun 3 2012: Fritzie, If you don't mind my saying, I think we do have an innate draw to people like ourselves ie race, religion etc.
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        Jun 3 2012: I don't know how this works in general, but I think those of us who grew up in and went to school in diverse settings may not feel such a special draw to people of our own race and religion. One might as likely be drawn to people who share activities one enjoys. I look at my youngest child and his cohort. Kids' friends might be the others who compete in math or play in the band or are on the same sports team more than the religion to which they were born or their physical appearance.
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          Jun 3 2012: Well, I tend to think physical appearance has a significant role in some ways, depending on well the situation, and the age of the people. Religion not necessarily.
        • Jun 7 2012: I recall a story about a child who was asked which of her friends were black, and she could not remember. Times are changing.
  • May 31 2012: A simple thing to do is give back to teachers the power they had 30 plus years ago, the cane and other punishment of the time is the answer ! Anyone who has ever had the cane in school will agree with me. Step out of line and INSTANT ! punishment. The only difference I would ask from the past is that it must be witnessed by another teacher on roster. The mamby pamby talk to kids think is a failure.
    We are seriously starting to pay for the failed social experiment.
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    May 31 2012: The days when the parents ruled the nest are all but gone. Were I to raise my kids the same way I was raised I would be in jail for child abuse. I can remember when it was improper for a young man and young woman to date without an escourt. The days when a young man "must" meet the parents prior to asking a girl out are gone. They hook up at wherever and you may be invited to the marriage but most likey they will elope.

    I tried hard to influence my kids to do right. For the most part they are great. However, I still get shocked when my adult kids tell us what they did that we never knew about.

    We live in different time and must adjust, change what we can, and provide a good role model for them to model after.

    All the best. Bob
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    May 30 2012: Read: Generation Me - Facebook is exaggerating behaviors that are involved in a person worrying about their public image. What is the image given out in our pop-culture and trends? (This is what I try to question) Check out the book!