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How has enduring some extreme hardship profoundly impacted your life?
Twenty years ago, the death of my best friend allowed me to cry after the Army had "trained" it out of me. Recently marital separation has caused me to evaluate and refocus my life on deeper, more valuable things than pleasure, power, status and wealth. Voluntarily living to serve and care for others transcends logic and selfishness. It's benefits far surpass self-serving forms of love. Whether you are "paying it forward," "doing as you'd want others to do for you," or "creating good karma," personally making the world a better place probably benefits the doer most of all. Furthermore, the more you're willing to endure and suffer, the better the result.
Kate Blake 50+
Agree with Debra that other people's examples are great inspiration and show us that it is possible to cope with many things that we may have felt overwhelmed by ... we don't know our strengths until we face the challenge!
I've had spinal surgery and told I'd never walk again, and I was lame with a very heavy limp for 12 years but that lameness and the pain have gone - it's about moving forward with these challenges rather than being paralyzed with self-pity.
Debra Smith 200+
Debra Smith 200+
Janice Taylor
Mitch SMith 50+
Sadness is a colour of the rainbow, such as blue, happiness might be yellow, anger red, vitality green -
there are no bad colours.
The colour exists in today - tomorrow has no colour, yesterday is any colour you choose to paint it.
Hardships? I can list a few:
Violent upbringing fistfights, gang wars, bullying
Car accidents, 2 failed marriages, a few failed carreers,
Brother died - fall from a cliff, mother's rape-child appearing after 30 years
Wife developed MS, son Autistic ..
I consider myself to be the luckyest guy on teh planet.
Through all this, my eyes have been opened and I can see so far, sure, it gets lonely observing all the silly assumptions that people retain simply because they haven't been there .. get a bit angry sometimes, and I've learned how to respect anger in others .. the rainbow. Learned to accept and admit my own shortcomings.
But the rainbow .. ah the rainbow!! All that pain and joy!!
More please!
Scott Seigel
Thanks Mitch!
Mitch SMith 50+
It's an honour.
Linda Hamilton
I have been very fortunate in my life but can also relate to this topic. My most extreme hardship was almost losing our daughter at birth. This was extremely difficult at the time. Thankfully my hardship has a happy ending and she is now a healthy almost 2 year old.
If it were not for the staff present at the time and the resources we had access to, I know it would have been a lot worse. For example, if I was in a hospital without the resources to manage such a situation (and there are so many women in this world who give birth without these basic resources), not only would our daughter not be with us, but I would not be either. In the face of extreme hardship, we were very fortunate.
The way that this has impacted on my life is that I look back and realise how lucky we are to be here, and how lucky we are to have access to basic resources that saved our daughter (which so many women worldwide, sadly, do not have access to). I am so thankful to have had the staff and resources available to us. And I am so thankful that our daughter is with us, and that she is healthy.
Linda
www.thanknest.com
Scott Seigel
Your appreciation for the amazing blessings of your life inestimably improves it. Thank you. I've discovered that after counting my blessings, it's hard to remember why I ever felt sorry for myself, shortchanged, poor or in some way disadvantaged. Somehow each one of us has an advantage--the most inspiring replies have been from people who've snatched victory from the jaws of certain defeat. I am certain I've gained more from this discussion than anyone else!
Thanks to you (and everyone else) for so many great comments!
Scott
Bharath Kumar Kunjibettu 10+
Well Here are the list of my setbacks
-Lost my father at an early age of 15
-family financially broke
-Hardly any friends to make due to our financial condition
-Chose engineering since that is the only field that gives you decent income despite having keen interest on Clinical Psychology and Music.However now I am good financially .
-Had to end a beautiful relationship with a girl only because we are bound by so many rules in India
-Failed twice in CAT exams which is rated one of the toughest competitive exams
-Diagnosed with typhoid and almost survived a battle with death
My Success stories:
-I have a healthy income
-I made good friends with people on TED
-TED videos were always my source of inspiration and now I am planning to give a TED talk myself
-I am planning to take up the role of a venture capitalist at an early age of 24
-My family loves me the same way now just like I am a 6 year old (which is very essential to anybody)
-Fixed strained relationships through my skill of clinical psychology.
-Working on taking music professionally
So this is my story
Cheers,
Bharath
Scott Seigel
Bharath Kumar Kunjibettu 10+
If we come up with such similar Topics we can encourage everybody in the world and show them the proof that we are always close to achieving what we always dreamt of . I want to inspire people more so that tomorrow we have a much more beautiful world for everyone.
Best Regards,
Bharath
Gurinder Ahluwalia 10+
Bruno Carre
- life is short, shorter than we'd want it be, don't waste it on a material pursuit of fake happiness
- you will never give enough to the people you love, the simplest compliment does matter
- sharing your (deeper) emotions has no price, people will always be touched and start to share
- to find your calling is the most important thing in life. Be happy, and you can make someone else happy. It's not about money, status or whatsoever, it's about what you feel is good.
- and finally, yes, the more hardships you've been through and overcome, the more joy and happiness you will experience, simply because the small things become enjoyable.
Great topic Scott, thank you for posting this.
Bharath Kumar Kunjibettu 10+
Scott Seigel
Tracy Till 50+
Heather White 20+
Scott Seigel
Your mother's inspiration isn't wasted here! My own personal triumph, more than anything else, has been getting closer to God. It's impossible to really take others into that relationship, but they can see it and they sometimes pursue it for themselves. For most of them it takes a hardship to get moving. Without God I would be dead. With Him I'm able to help others--that's what my life is all about.
Thanks!
Scott
Verble Gherulous 20+
Jennifer Rose
Heather White 20+
Scott Seigel
I'm with you in the financial hardship Jennifer. Life has been pretty meager in the last 3 years--and yet in many ways these have been the most transformational too. Who knew that the great value is in the making of the lemonade when life gives you lemons, not the drinking.
Karen Young
What I came away with was that you can't let anyone else determine the person you should be. Its your choice.
Jeanelle Echols
Heather White 20+
Cheeky Sprite
Thinking outside the box : ) thanks Jeanelle
Dysfunctional has been my life Heather and yes I believe due to lack of nurturing.
Ok so I'v just joined this site and hopefully you'll see me grow over time : )
Scott Seigel
Yours may be the best story I've seen here so far because it contains so much. It contains a crucial answer to any hardship: become the person you want to be. While it's not The Answer for every challenge, it certainly was in your case and your triumph has been really amazing--WAY TO GO!
Scott
Ian Welch
I have outlined some of the pitfalls of filling our guts with guts; how the sun will shine brighter and the water will taste better if we eat lots of plants. I have not shared results.
I am due for my next checkup at the Cardiologist in the next month. The results of my carotid artery sonogram are here:
http://wholefed.org/2012/05/03/reversing-plaque-maybe-its-the-aluminium-foil-hat-i-made/
Anyone can pick apart how long humans have been eating meat or how or brains would be the size of peas without animal protein. There are thousands of studies and experts that will refute any effort that promotes focusing your diet on grains, vegetables & fruits.
I take 10mg of Crestor a day. Maybe that is the cause of the Plaque reversal? Maybe it is the baby aspirin? Maybe it is the 30 mile run I ran on Sunday? Maybe its the aluminium foil hat I made myself to avoid cosmic radiation…
I say: try it. Try eating nothing but Plants & Grains for a week. Two weeks. One month. Don’t tell anyone, do it for yourself.
There is no downside… only upside.
The proof is in the non-dairy, no fat, pudding. (Try chia seeds, rice milk, honey)
Ian
www.wholefed.org
Scott Seigel
a) They are being generous,
b) My diet makes them feel guilty,
c) The way I eat SEEMS too expensive for them, and / or
d) My progress makes them angry because it disputes their expertise, refutes their conceptions about me, or shows them up because they are following something "more scientific/professional/expensive" and having a weaker outcome.
Thanks & keep it up!
Scott
Anastasia Vesperman
I don't count those as the hardships that have been the worst in my life.
Nothing has caused me as much pain, grief, and restriction as having the mental illness I have.
It's suffering I can't make sense of. Illness makes me strong enough to just tread water most of the time. My progress in everything is severely hindered - my recovery has been in microscopic steps. When I'm more well, I can do more, when less well, I can hardly thank the people who get me through. When I'm less well, my progress actively goes backwards - I lose memories and skills. When I'm more well, I can usually just not quite regain my faculties.
Still, I'm grateful for my carers. I'm grateful for the brief peaks of happiness.
I think about death every day. But I'm grateful to myself that I keep on trying.
Scott Seigel
You are so courageous to persist. I'm with you and grateful that you keep on trying too! Churchill said, "Never, never, never quit." I think you embody this. I have never endured anything so hard. I hope that you have a sense of inward peace that there is some value in all this, because it sounds like your mental and physical life is really a perpetual challenge. Have you considered inspirational speaking as a career? People who have and are actively overcoming great challenges can be highly sought after.
Aneesah Bakker
Hardship and tragedy has made me realize that life is a gift, this moment is a gift. It has taught me that I am always stronger than I think and that I am endlessly resourceful.
I have learned to look at myself and know that I make choices... I choose to learn, grow and thrive. I have learned that no matter what comes my way, I can always find something to be grateful for. Gratitude is the ultimate resource and Appreciation is the gift that keeps on giving!
Gurinder Ahluwalia 10+
Aneesah Bakker
The paradox of life!
It sure can be bitter-sweet!
Scott Seigel
Your reply also supports my thesis--that we grow the most through hardship. The "easy life" isn't really worth a hill of beans (though it'll cost you all you have).
I appreciate your comment,
Scott
Aneesah Bakker
thank you. Yes "hardship", rising to challenges in a resourceful and generative way, all types of challenges even those we set ourselves (positive) to get stronger and more resilient.
Asgar Fakhrudin
However, in their death which was not in vain I have enriched myself in many ways in the years that followed. Empathy - Spirituality - reaching out - accepting 'what 'is' - understanding - contemplation in short become more humane is what my boys have gifted me. Their deaths and our mental suffering and agony has profoundly impacted my life. I can feel and empathize with the suffering of others.
I have also learnt to soldier on and undertake social service with passion. My story LUCY ME will help in understanding what my 2 boys have contributed to my life. It is in respect of the community eating initiative started by our Spiritual Head.
http://asgarf.blogspot.in/2011/09/faiz-ul-mawaid-burhaniyah.html
Lindsay Newland Bowker 50+
Such a loss...such an agony..such a triumph that your spirit instead of being crushed flowered.
I was a seed in a crack in the concrete, sun and water came and I became a flower and I sent my seeds out , with the help of the wind to better soil where sun and water came and they became that garden over there which feeds this village
Asgar, your inspiring story and blog ( where I found the seed for the above) speaks of what happens almost universally to those who come to the ground of their being through suffering.
.they turn outward to the wolrd they turn outward to service to the world and for the first time they know in the ground of their being what it means to be human..what humanity is all about, what our place in it is.
A radiance of blessings to you Asgar.
Asgar Fakhrudin
thank you for your radiant blessings and heartfelt comment
Mwenjew Wewngwa
HKeller
Scott Seigel
Empathy is so and so often lacking in our world. You are an inspiration, thank you for sharing!
Scott
Mathew Ward
Scott Seigel
HUGE THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ALREADY CONTRIBUTED!
P.s. I know someone with your name. Did your family live in Los Altos, CA and later in Portola Valley, CA?
Mathew Ward
sean smith
Scott Seigel
What an amazing challenge you've endured! I know your child will benefit immensely from your growth. When my wife was in the Army we moved to Korea without "command sponsorship." As a result, there was no room in the schools for our kids. I began to home educate them both. (I'd begun this with my daughter about a year earlier to address some situational problems, but we planned for them to attend traditional DoDDS schools in Korea.) Almost 10 years later I finally sent my younger child to traditional school. No other man I know is so close to his children. I was directly blessed by this adversity--and it's always the same story. I did some things well, and others not so well. But I know that they know how much I love them. I think it's taken a few more hardships to bring me to the place that I have the insight I need to parent well--now what I lack is time and proximity. Enjoy your kids while you can!
But those early years were good ones. We happened to build an excellent foundation. Our kids are the ones facing hard things now. Both loved the book, "Do Hard Things" by Alex & Brett Harris. (http://www.amazon.com/Do-Hard-Things-Rebellion-Expectations/dp/1601421125) I see them going so much further than we did. It's a wonderful encouragement and confirmation that not only are the vast majority of problems surmountable, we're better people for facing them!
Bill Lennan
After a year of therapy, we decided to divorce. I was crushed, we had 2 children who I love dearly.
We agreed to focus on the kids happiness through the divorce.
In parallel, I took on as much personal growth as I could handle.
Today, my former wife is one of my best friends, we share custody of 2 wonderfully happy boys, and the personal growth work has lead to me finding a wonderful supporting tribe, a love for my career, and a body that's healthier than I was 20 years ago.
I'm also re-inventing for myself what it means to be in relationship with women and how we can contribute to each other's well being.
Scott Seigel
For me, this has been mainly a spiritual journey, but I've also found myself getting more fit and active, building a new core group of people, and re-discovering teaching--not just a career I love--a chance to make a lasting difference!
Brian R Light 10+
and thank you for your warm feedback.
Scott, I have found many friends with MS and only know something of the challenges your friends faced and are facing. Some nerves are damaged and symptoms depend on how and where the damage occurs. MS presents differently in every person. MS is just a name but it's cool that we become friends so quickly. I guess there is nothing like common interest.
Perhaps there lies a lesson. Find that common interest and we all become friends.
Hurry, before some one starts another war and that becomes the common interest. Sorry, I can digress.
Alan Huckle
The last memory he will ever have of me is the childish argument I had with him over a trivial matter. When I heard of my brother's death, everything came crumbling down on me. I was an absolute mess of a fourteen-year-old.
The thought above caused me to look at myself through a clearer lens, and I realized how bashful I truly was. I began to resent the person I saw in the mirror. As time went on, I slowly began to remodel myself, focus on the things that were truly important. I made myself a more humble, patient, and tempered individual than I was before.
I still mourn the loss of my brother, but the suffering I endured had forced me to change my ways. I am a better person now.
Scott Seigel
Alan Huckle
Suicide is such a heartbreaking thing in our society.
Scott Goodman
Lindsay Newland Bowker 50+
I think what the extremes of suffering and loss do is strip us of everything that is ego and superfiial and non essential . It is not a recommended course of action to get to what matters most , what is really at the ground of our being, but there is no question it can be a short cut.
I love Brians description of losing one thing after another..each new symptom further limiting what we have been accustomed to having and enjoying and his description of marking and accepting each loss. That was my expereince too..one thing after another lost , each loss requiring a reconciliation with the loss, an acceptance. At each stage my process was "no I can't do this I won't do this I don't accept this" and then somehow one does and magically something else within us comes forward stronger and clearer than it ever was.
And somehow strangely I felt happier and more within the ground of my being after each reconciliation with each loss.
That is very beautifully brought out in the memoir/auto biography "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"..he actually became more fulfilled, more able to be really present to the world and to others after his devastating accident..and he realized that.
I am amazed to finally be coming back into normal life, normal health and ormal function but I hope I will continue to live from the ground of my being
.....too early to tell
Scott Seigel
You (and everyone else who's responded) are such an encouragement to me. I think this topic is SUPER important. I think we have to DECIDE to push ourselves and keep growing and never give up--or else we are just marking time--dead without knowing it. The topic's been bouncing around in my head for a long time. Seemingly unrelated to that, I've spent the past few years deeply pondering and trying to understand the value of being a teacher, a caregiver, a car salesman, a Walmart manager, a dad, and a military spouse (and wearing a few other hats besides). Somehow your answers have really helped me understand myself more. Thank you SO much!
Lindsay Newland Bowker 50+
http://www.newharbinger.com/PsychSolve/PostTraumaticStressDisorder/tabid/163/Default.aspx
"Research on the disorder strongly suggests that trauma causes physical changes in the brain. These changes include shrinkage in the area of the brain associated with certain kinds of memories, increased activation in the area responsible for emotional processing, and decreased activation in the area responsible for language processing"
I believe V.S. Ramachandran. host of several TED Talks, also has done some studies and work in this area.
Other work suggests that it shuts diwn the oart f the brain associated with empathy and compassion.
The trasncendant experiences many are rpeorting here may not be availble to someone who has witnessed horrific things and suffered actual chnages in the brain as a result.
Brian R Light 10+
The journey has been both physical, mental and most importantly, emotional.
One lesson I have learned is that we decide how events will affect us emotionally. I have often cried and will again but alone and not for long. Beyond the stuff I need to do I have decided that life is for loving and laughter. My second lesson: Press On
Lindsay Newland Bowker 50+
1 thumbs up isn't enough!!! Thank you for this powerful sharing!!!
You are on my wall of heroes.
Scott Seigel
Your comment hits especially close to home. The job I had before I resumed teaching was in-home caregiver (CNA), where I worked with quite a few people with MS.
My dear friend Eric Barnes had MS. He was a botanist and an avid outdoorsman. He loved to climb, fish and trek through the back-country here in Montana. We met when I was assigned as his CNA (in-home caregiver). He had worked as a chef and loved to cook. Together we had so much fun playing in the kitchen (he taught me a lot)! We also shared watching his body fail, so I may know a little of the anger and mourning and dismay and frustration you feel. Eric's courage never failed to inspire me. Though he died last year, more importantly, he lived! Not everyone can say that. He faced a hardship and gave it his best.
Another friend, Michael, is still fighting the MS fight after more than 20 years! I know no one else with as much fighting spirit. He skied and played music at a professional level before these were taken from him. Like Eric, Michael has lived and lived well. He continues to live and pushes himself hard every day. Michael should probably be running an international program to encourage and challenge others with MS. He often says, "I may have MS, but I'll be damned if it'll have me!" I'm definitely going to send this thread to him.
Never, never, never quit! ~Winston Churchill
...and Lindsay is right--MEGA THUMBS UP!
Colleen Steen 500+
You say..."Press on"
I say...WOW.....YES!
You say..."we decide how events will affect us emotionally"
I say YES!
OH...I have to stay on topic!
Near fatal head/brain injury, cancer, degenerative disc dis-ease, were/are a couple of my biggest challenges, from which I learn, grow and evolve:>)
Kashaf Mamoon
Kim Laes
But when I went to college things changed and I noticed that there were people who didn't give up on me. Gradually I grew back into myself. Now I have become myself again, this may sound stupid but it is how I feel it. I have learned to be myself and although I am still a little crippled I feel I can meet the world eye to eye at last.
I know that I will always have trouble with dealing with certain situations because of the bullying. But rahter then letting the memories control me, I have learned to use them and my weaknesses of the past have become my strength. Despite my problems with facing groups I have now a teaching degree and even though people made me believe I was stupid I will graduate as a history major this year.
I turned the memories that haunted me into my motivation. That's how hardship changed me: I learned to see hardship, not as problems, but as opportunities.
Scott Seigel
Colleen Steen 500+
Those who bully others are insecure. As soon as everyone is aware of that fact, the bullies will lose their power/control.
Glad you have the confidence to teach what you are teaching Scott...it is needed in our world:>)
Chetan Somani
loved you description and it conveys your student do love the way you teach them!!
Kim Laes
your comment on empowerment and compassion reminded me of a small incident I witnessed when I was studying to get my teachersdegree. As part of our education my school had us guide mentally challenged teenagers through the capitol. None of my students had ever been to Brussels and had many prejudices against begars ("they are all frauds and they spend their money on drugs and alcohol). I disagreed with them and I was a little upset that they looked at beggars this way since I knew what it was not to be accepted. So I talked to them for most of the day about the problems that beggars faced. Even though they listened to me I did not have the impression they were actually learning something from it.
However, when we were having lunch in a hamburgerrestaurant (we let the kids choose) I noticed that they were consantly leaning towards the window onto the street, as if they were watching 2 beggars that were sitting there. After lunch I asked them what that was all about. They told me they had given half of their lunch to the beggars.
That was a proud moment for me as a teacher. :)
Scott Seigel
Colleen Steen 500+
Bullying is a horrible experience. I watched my son be bullied much of his school life because he liked music, theater, literature, and things that did not seem to "fit in" with the other "guys". It was painful to observe, and painful to him as well. It is NOT a small thing Kim. Bullying can indeed cripple people, and we have seen many suicides caused by bullying.
You say..."it nearly broke me"....."nearly" is the operative word my friend. What you say does not sound "stupid" at all, and I'm grateful that you shared this information, because it is so needed in our world. When you can meet the world "eye to eye" as you say, you are NOT crippled at all.....remember that.....believe it.
What I observe in my son, is that because of the bullying, he is a very considerate, compassionate, empathic person. He realized the ramifications of bullying, and does not repeat that behavior. It seems that you recognize this as well.
I believe that understanding gives you more strength to deal with others AND yourself, So, how about believing totally in yourself? You are very wise in knowing that your "weaknesses of the past have become your strength". Actually, what happened in the past was not YOUR weakness, but rather the weakness of the bullies....do you see that?
Kim, you are VERY WISE to see challenges as opportunities. My respect to you my friend:>) I wish I could give you MANY thumbs up, and I am only allowed one:>)
Scott Seigel
Colleen, thanks for sharing this. It's no coincidence than the words "teen" and "mean" rhyme. What teens need is to be attended to, heard and challenged. They are NOT children and we err terribly in coddling and condoning immaturity in them. They are also not fully adults. In order to call greatness out of them, we need to help them stretch and grow. That means they need to push their limits. The question is which ones. If we neglect to lead them, selfishness prevails. But we mustn't discourage their curiosity either. Each teen is a unique jigsaw puzzle. Our job is helping them figure out how to make their pieces fit together to create the best picture of who they will become. So many bullies mess up the other kids' puzzles because no one has yet helped them solve theirs.
Colleen Steen 500+
You've said a LOT here that is not specific to only teens.
We all need to be attended to, heard and challenged. We all need support and encouragement as we stretch, grow and maybe push our limits. We all need to figure out how to make the pieces of the life experience "fit", and it is a LOT better if we can do it as teens, rather than wait untill we are older!
True..."so many bullies mess up the other kids' puzzles because no one has yet helped them solve theirs". Unfortunately, this very insighful statement applies to adults as well!
jenni logue
The wonderful thing,I was brought to a space 5 years ago where I thought I was going to lose everything, my family, my home, my money. When I was in the darkest space I felt bliss (weird I thought) I began a journey of self exploration where I learned to feel love for myself and let myself shine. This led me to developing fully my intuitive abilities and I now help others heal their own self sabotage. I am now the person I only used to dream I could be.
Heather White 20+