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Andrea Morisette Grazzini

CEO, WetheP, Inc.

TEDCRED 30+

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Can we heal self and society by reweaving our tattered nets?

We live divided by myriad perceptions and realities.

Intricate tapestries are woven by so many interconnected webs, including those present on the internet and online forums like TED. Still dispirit, dissonant, disorienting forces meanwhile, by intent or accident, unravel the increasingly fleeting connections.

Mary M's plaintive point illustrated the layers of disconnect, in my Q.
http://www.ted.com/conversations/10464/are_grownup_bullies_teaching_k.html

"Religion divides us. Ethnicity divides us. Culture divides us. Politics divides us. Socio-economic backgrounds divides us. Intellect divides us. Gender divides us," Mary said. Then asked:

"What unites us?"

TED presenter Jaime Lubin's answer, which I've edited here, provides clarity:

"To build the community we have to start from ourselves, as individuals," Jaime began.

"Human structures are rigid because the social building is made from persons. When persons wear masks, or act as superficial simulations, so social infrastructures become facades, too." He went on:

"But community is a net, not a static building or institution. A net is fluid and flexible, yielding to change and differences in environment. Yet strong and encompassing and able to hold tremendous diversities and weights, too. A net, in turn, is made from individual strands, separate until woven together. But before and after interconnection, still strong and flexible, each in its own way.

Individual comes from the Latin 'IN DIVIDERE.' It means impossible to divide. Thus when many individuals are put together the effects of flexibility and strength is amplified, maximized. And, this is important: visibly so.

In this net, no superficial facades hide structural immutabilities or the foundational cracks weakened by hidden dependencies.

So here is the Q --

How do we heal and reweave our selfs as individuals both strengthened and also given strength through our interconnection with many others in our cultures and societies.

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    May 2 2012: Andrea, since I think you have some Italian roots, maybe we can take an example from Il Decameron, by Giovanni Boccaccio. :-)

    Il Decameron's strategy in brief:

    -14th century Europe's ridden by the Black Death (say this is the metaphor for the disruption and disconnect you describe).
    -how to reconnect? Gather some small group of intimate friends, and head out for the country-side (a metaphor for a more eco-friendly environment; connecting with nature, getting rid of the "disease" that wrecks society).
    -stay with a small group of friends only, don't bother too much about changing society as a whole.
    -then start to exchange stories, as the characters in Il Decameron do. By having each individual telling a personal story and the others listening and interjecting, a new weave of context emerges, linking all stories and individuals together (the metaphor for the new re-connect).
    -physically grouping with a small number of intimate friends and lovers is the opposite of spacing yourself out as an individual in the artificial, abstract, intangible non-world of the internet. Boccaccio put his characters in a physical relationship; words not on a screen, but spoken from mouth to ear, with all the non-verbal, bodily presence this implies.
    -hold out together, until the Black Death in the cities has disappeared. Re-emerge from nature, descend to town, with new vigor and connectedness. Boccaccio announced the Renaissance man, when he liberated the friends from the hilltops and let them descend to town, like new-born, but wise babies. And a new light bathed the once death-ridden city...

    Some claim this is a defeatist strategy; withdrawal, escapism. I don't think so. Intimacy and a connectedness with nature can go a long way in producing social bonds. Temporarily withdrawing only to re-emerge with new, stronger bonds, may be worth it.
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      May 5 2012: Laurens of course poetry and play are great and therapeutical ways to rewaving the nets.
      In that time, in Toscana, the reinvention of the cities and the newborn bourgeoisie created almost all modern life commodities. If we could translate or adapt commodities to our era, I see that we miss how to enjoy and play. We are too serious and selfish. To reinvent our world we can see the past and review their lives to see how our ancestors feel, and joy, and play and see the epidemics as an opportunity. Today we goes inmmediately to a very formal and rigid one way ticket train. So short focus, so limited vision, so minimum life.
      We lost our precious time in rethorics and forgot the simplest way to rewaeving tattered nets: smile and forgive.
  • Apr 30 2012: Understand that 99.9% of what happens to us is our own fault

    BULLSHIT!

    20,000 children, five and under died yesterday, today, and another 20,000 will die tomorrow and every day from now on.

    Just how are they at fault for the starvation, poverty and slavery they were born into?
    Or for the bombs Americans drop on them, creating millions of collaterally-damaged people over these last 6 or 7 decades?

    Who woke up today, at age 17, and decided they wanted to be a drug addict or criminal, or who decided they wanted to be a child soldier for Joseph Kony or Charles Taylor?

    Who was born to some Republican in America, who was then raised to make his mother so proud when he went off to kill Iraqi's who had nothing to do with 9/11? Brainwashed by their parent, a member of the insane Moral Majority in the U.S., just how is this person 99.9% at fault, once these lies about who and what they are, have been embedded so deep into their psyche that they seem real, true, that they must be true?

    One of the first and best ways to begin healing ourselves is to stop worshipping all the lies we worship. Americans prefer lies to the truth, that is clear.

    These many lies, embedded so deep within their psyches have become "deep-seated" convictions and within the word convictions is the word, "convict". Americans remain prisoners of their own beliefs, which are mostly lies, in every part of their lies, I mean, lives.
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      Apr 30 2012: Hi Random,

      I think you and W.P. are approaching the issue from two different points.

      Both of you are correct.

      But the perspectives are different.

      The children die and all the other things happen because of us (humanity as a collective force).
      So yes, we are responsible....we humans......not the poor child personally.

      And being self aware.........that is the healing process..........if you are at that stage of your life, when you are concerned with healing, changing those, as you say.........."deep seated convictions", deeply entrenched belief systems that we accumulate from our parents or our culture or our country.

      I wanted to tell you this, because this conversation is about healing....uniting together to reweave the net, not causing more tears in it.

      I see a great deal of value in both yours and W.P.'s words. I hope you understand me, sometimes typing away, I don't make alot of sense.
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        Apr 30 2012: Mary ...a little story from my dark corner ......
        healing is a noble task.....one day I woke up feelling that all is wrong, bad, awfull, perverse, dark, unfair, the next step is feeling victim (a professional victim, a really suffering victim, the best victim in the world)....is nice to start a pity contest to hug ourselves and cry, and talk with all our dearest phantoms....then I go to take a shower....no soap, cold water, a towell forgotten, the shampoo goes directly in my eyes and I start crying, silent cries (is more elegant)....next I go to dressing ....some few more inches in my waist....my favorite suit is dirty, my shirt is lost, the shoes doesnt fit well.....i wait the bus...10, 15, 20 minutes....is full like a sardine can....i go walking to the office....(really I dont) the boss looks me with his special lurk and shiny smile....the pay day is far away,,,,I receive the bank notification about my card....the boss, the card, the shoes, the starving children, the war everywhere, the bad news, a hole in my pocket, all day is a tragedy.......can I heal myself....?....how....when...did I need a little help of my friends?......

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBDF04fQKtQ
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      Apr 30 2012: OK Random....all stinks, ....what you can do, right now, to heal the things around you?

      (Please, for a moment, forget the Bungabunga starving kids)
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        May 3 2012: Dear Jaime,
        I LOVE your insightful question..."what you can do, right now, to heal the things around you?"

        One of my favorite quotes, because it reflects our concerns, is:
        "One of the great difficulties in the new order of thought is that we are likely to indulge in too much theory and too little practice."
        ("The Science of Mind" by Ernest Holmes)

        The introduction to this discussion says "We live divided"..."dissonant, disorienting forces... unravel the increasingly fleeting connections"..."plaintive point illustrated the layers of disconnect"...."Religion divides us. Ethnicity divides us. Culture divides us. Politics divides us. Socio-economic backgrounds divides us. Intellect divides us. Gender divides us..........."

        Andrea, you write...
        "Individual comes from the Latin 'IN DIVIDERE.' It means impossible to divide. Thus when many individuals are put together the effects of flexibility and strength is amplified, maximized. And, this is important".

        Yes, yes, yes....come together and talk about what connects us, rather than what divides us. What we focus on expands. If one continues to focus on divisions....guess what? That is what s/he will experience. When we focus on all of our wonderful connections....guess what? That is what we think, feel, and that is how we live our lives.

        Hope you don't mind Jaime....it needs to be repeated over and over again...what can we do...right now...to heal the things around us? "BE" what we want to "SEE" in our world. It needs to start with each and every one of us as individuals...here and now:>)

        Even though I am aware of our differences, I don't feel divided....I feel very connected. So, if those who feel their nets are tattered, simply change their focus, there might actually be change in our world:>)
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      Apr 30 2012: Random, Mary and Jaime

      Without suffering, there's no need for healing.

      Understanding origins of suffering can be critical whether it is personal, direct experience, projection or transference, or perserveration of victimization.

      But the larger Q is how can we together reweave our tatters?

      Random's thoughts leads to these reflections:
      How can submissive populations be engaged as strong strands of construction for society?
      How can oppressive people be "put in their place" as equal, no better and no less interdependent?

      This all reminds me of a story.

      Where I play basketball, there are all kinds of people. Youth and adults of all different colors and kinds. Some are likely victims of social oppression, others are likely oppressors.

      One is David. A very crooked young man, maybe 30, who wears a helmet. Clearly he has neurological damage. His speech is difficult, his reactions slow, his gait quite uneven. But, boy can he shoot.

      Most ignored David. Not necessarily because they were being unkind. Likely they were trying not to stare. Problem is, in ignoring him, they missed what he has to offer. And not only his rarely-miss shot.

      With just a little coaxing from me, David was woven into some pick up games. He can't break away to the net, and isn't the best guard. Sometimes he gets confused and, during check in, takes the ball when it's the other teams.

      But, he laughs, and he cheers and he has great fun that's infectious. Plus, remember, he's an excellent shot.

      Playing with him, other players games are strengthened. They notice each other more, more prone to pass. They are less aggressive but more free and spontaneous. They try things they wouldn't dare before. They cheer for each other more. They likely wouldn't admit it, but David's innocence reawakens their own. Empathy for each other and self ties boisterous games together.

      They build a net of imperfect player-strands. David is not the only. He's only the most visible.

      Andrea
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        May 1 2012: Your story reflects the positive results of when an observant individual takes the initiative to establish interdependence in a group setting.

        This is a gift Andrea.

        Some have the know how of helping others but lack empathy.
        Others have empathy but lack the know how.
        Having know-how, empathy, and initiative to make a difference is a true gift Andrea.

        Your story reminded me of a quote I read on a teacher's desk a while back, I copied it down:

        The great leader speaks little,
        he never speaks carelessly,
        he works without self-interest
        and leaves no trace.
        When all is finished the people say:
        "We did it ourselves."

        That is a great goal to strive for when desiring to help heal others. Helping, without self-interest. How wonderful of you to share this precious story.

        Thank you.
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          May 1 2012: Mary,

          Interdependence helps all, including those who observe and seek to engage it. Thus, there is self-interest in making a difference.

          In the case of the basketball players (and I am one of them) they learn they get as good as they give. When they play better with all others, others play more with them.

          An unanticipated bonus I personally receive is near-knock me over bear-hugs from David. This just before he kicks my butt in free shots.

          Andrea
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    Apr 29 2012: Fear to be what we really are, is the main obstacle. The social nets provide the simulation scenario to play...
  • Apr 29 2012: Andrea,
    What lives in your mind is metaphor. How nice to read your words. Thank you.
  • Apr 29 2012: "To build the community we have to start from ourselves, as individuals," Jaime began.

    This is the only way to start the process.

    We must become more self-aware.

    Understand that 99.9% of what happens to us is our own fault. (The .1% is left for the object that falls out of the sky)

    Realize that we have value, no matter whether we are a dishwasher, ditch digger, CEO and everything inbetween.

    Start treating people with respect, no matter their viewpoints, color, gender, sex, occupation and religion.

    Start helping those closest to us first, because if we are too focused on saving the world we will not have time to save those most important.

    We cannot impose our values and expect anyone to accept them, but we can set a respectful standard for those around us. When people are no longer having to be on the defensive all the time they are more inclined to watch and listen.

    However, the pessimist in me realizes this is something that cannot happen overnight, and I don't know if enough people have the strength to start the process to begin with. And of course many will think if they can just force people to start the process it will all work out, but that is not the way human nature works. Maybe, through a massive but casual marketing campaign with a long term commitment expected it could be done.
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      Apr 29 2012: W.P.Baldwin....we all here are enthusiastic pesimists....our world is our closest world....from inner fields to the out nature. If we can unbound the knot to liberate the compassion and integrity, we can live inside the respect and happines. Love others as we love ourselves.
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        Apr 29 2012: Jaime, indulge me in another question:

        "The community is a human creation....the society is a human imposture."

        Can you expound?

        Also, for what it's worth, I don't think W.P. meant literal perfection, I personally took it to mean.......where every thing works well and there is peace and a spirit of cooperation most of the time. Of course we cannot have perfection.
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          Apr 30 2012: Mary M first some words about friendship...the english word is from ancient celtic and nordic lenguages and means "free", "freelove"...in spanish from latin amiscere, means "without ask for nothing".....no ties or bondages....free.....

          from that freedom, the community is a free creation among individuals, all different and valuable....the result is unity......
          the social experiment cames from missunderstood economic theories and provide uniformity.
          Unity and uniformity are opposite concepts. In uniformity remains the interest (inter est) in community lives the love. Without asking....
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        Apr 30 2012: Well this clarifies alot....thank you.

        Then, what we want is a community of friends working with a spirit of cooperation without any hidden agendas, or self interests.

        Yes indeed.......that is what many of us strive for.

        But how do you get other people to do what you are doing?

        Do you know all your neighbors? Are you all on a first name basis?

        Or is your community made up only of people with your same interests......? How far have you personally taken this treating others as yourself?
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          Apr 30 2012: Mary M....maybe working is not at all a big deal....also is a nice dinner in an old house across the street where lives my friends Gerardo y Esperanza, or the friends who knows all about european cinema Guillermo and Norma, the little printing shop run by Toño and the Alvarez family , all very nice neighbors we all are in a free relatioship, without hidden agendas (so boring)....then are all the local market people who are well known by their kindness, Toño the butcher, Natalia in the groceries, Ezequiel the bread man. My brother Gabriel with his dentistry practice, the jesuit school, and the 5 o 6 coffee shop and tea rooms. A very nice and short avenue full of trees and birds, with a low crime rate. The newspaper man, our oldfriend Luisito, the ice cream beauty lady Ines and her daughter Luisa.

          We all keep the place green, safe and clean, and with the help from the two churches we have a ot of families living around. Of course the police is present, because the US embassy is near and we have a very close security services. We start our compost program to be used in our own gardens and little farms. Is not a paradise but we live in a very nice place.

          My neighbors careers are ina wide range...printers, book keppers, dentist, ecologist, engineers, awyers, butchers, school teachers, priests, teenagers, family mothers, musicians, cheef and cooking people, designers (a lot), restaurants owners, antiquarians, students, film makers....all the Noah's ark withdogs, cats, birds, horses, large and smal houses, palaces and very modern buildings. We have our own Conservation Society to restore and take care of the old buildings and homes...we have also our cibernets to be informed, and two city guides just for our zone. In my design workshop I also run an art gallery among other twelve galleries.
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      Apr 29 2012: W.P.,

      Your comment that we must be self-aware, as well as your thoughts on acceptance and setting respectful standards are very valuable.

      I appreciate your cautions that we not find fault with others but ourselves. And I don't endorse assigning blame for one's personal challenges. I do think respectful standards can call us to shine light on nefariousness that undermines those around us. Best if we can have the insight to understand how even we, ourselves, might be complicit. Which I read in your comments. But, I think we can and perhaps must point out blatant behaviors, at the risk of them continuing on unchecked.

      That said, I'm entirely in agreement with you that we cannot impose our values, nor demand others accept them.

      But we can, and as you note, this may be an important ingredient in healing illuminate humanity by serving it with our own humane behaviors, first and foremost, nearby -- with the people who perhaps we don't think need it as much, or perhaps annoy us more than far-off others.

      And, regards your pessimism. I'm not sure it is. Realism, perhaps. Which bring to mind Steinar Bryn, whose work seeking reconciliation with groups in the Western Balkans has been much respected.

      I met Mr. Bryn recently by chance after a local forum. We chatted for a few moments. I must have transmitted some impatience, when he suddenly was looking for something to write with and on. I handed him the business card of another man that I had handy.

      Mr. Bryn scratched on it the letters: TTT. When I asked what TTT meant, he said: This Takes Time.

      I agree with him but remain impatient, even so. In my mind the sustained and energetic commitment to behaviors like those you recommend, can't be put off. And needs many engaging.

      Andrea
      • Apr 29 2012: "There is no perfect society, even inside one's own castle." This is where I am coming from. If we cannot have perfection inside our own homes (Some think theirs are much more perfect than others.) then it will be impossible to fix the outside world.

        A little off point, but I believe still relevant. My passion surrounds the attrocities around me that others don't see. So many are so self-involved they don't see their fellow man, yet their neverending pursuit to place blame for their problems only continues their meager existance and their obvious talents will never be realized. I have been aware of this for over twenty years and studied this almost every day for over fifteen years. What I believe I have found is an environment that enables people, many times more than not, destroys them.

        Basically, compassion for our fellow man can also destroy them. This is why I state we must be more self-aware. Acknowledging our value and impact on others is the only way to start having a better world. Having the wisdom to know when people should be left to flail and learn or need help is also part of the process. This requires great strength that can only be self-developed. And yes, This Takes Time.

        When there is a problem I pull back to the simplest of fundamentals, this is when I have my emotions under control, to then start solving the problem; this is irrelevant to the size of the problem. Sometimes we think big problems require big solutions, which I have found isn't always true.

        Thank you for the intelligent conversation,

        W.P. Baldwin
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          Apr 29 2012: W.P.

          Powerful concepts. I'm interested in more specifics, W.P. What have you studied? What are the atrocities? Where have you seen great self strength developed? And, how?

          Regards your thoughts on blame and acknowledging ourselves and our impact on others, if brings to mind some of the themes in this somewhat long essay I wrote. Parts might not resonate directly to your thoughts here, but I think it does to your higher level views:

          http://dynamicshift.org/archives/beating-the-drum-for-emmanuel

          Andrea
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          Apr 29 2012: The "perfection" concept is just a wrong translation from the latin word "perficere". Means doing something well....but not the ultimate level of wellnes. Is a proficiency proof. Is different from ability or knowledge. The use of "perfection" in human issues is wrong, but not in mechanical things. The community is a human creation....the society is a human imposture.
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          Apr 29 2012: Mary and W.P.,

          I think it is sometimes easier, if not more prudent, to focus energies where energies can be maximized. With hope if not intent they might also be echoed and amplified by others.

          For example. Like many people I grew up with a family and live in a place where a wide continuum of views are held. Some are quite polar. I reject the pop psychology views that hold, if someone "doesn't work for you" seek greener pastures. Not only do I think it is a cop-out, I think it undermines social well-being and I don't think it work. Greener pastures rarely are.

          Yet, there can be a deflating if not depressing effect of beating ones head against walls that are not ready to come down or to even yield to some mutual cracks in the facade. And, the energy it takes to attempt such can equally as much undermine relationships and societies as the opposite tack.

          I've taken an approach that seeks the "hidden humanity" in all, to the extent I as one person can and also through my work, with others. But when there is not some evidence of co-mutual desires for the same, and/or if there is apathy, brutality or abuse in reaction, I invest far less.

          Perhaps this is akin to your habit of stepping back to seek a simpler route. Which, I also endorse. The challenge in this all is. to be clear, in the relational.

          So while we might not be able to immediately heal one or a few relationships, perhaps in our relationships with many other that one or few will be touched in a round about way. By someone they can better accept or respect, who conveys some similar energies we'd wish to engage them.

          Beyond and/or interwoven in this is the importance of intentionally. To the extent we can, I think clearly expressing our desires to partner, collaborate, care, be in positive relationships is important.

          I'm personally not a fan of "what goes unsaid." Seems what goes unsaid is as misunderstood as not. Where possible, I prefer clear talk and illumination.

          Andrea
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          Apr 30 2012: Mary,

          Thinking about your reminder "a prophet is most unwelcome in his/her own town."

          What if the prophet shows her/his fellow townspeople their wisdom and strengths for collaboration?

          Perhaps if prophet preaches somewhat less and reflects others holier-selves somewhat more, s/he can achieve positive change?

          There is a need for illumination in public spaces, but my view is illumination of people can achieve good will and many role models to propagate the depth of community that can create lasting cultural good.

          Andrea
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        Apr 29 2012: @Andrea......

        "But, I think we can and perhaps must point out blatant behaviors, at the risk of them continuing on unchecked."

        This is something I have struggled with my entire life......it is a constant struggle in my mind. There is a back and forth argument....do I say something or do I stay quiet.....

        It starts with those closest to me and continues through the daily web I weave as I interact with those in my community.

        Perceiving the dangers in certain situations and seeing what others don't see can be such a burdent at times, and if we have a simple solution to offer but feel like our words could be misconstrued is quite a dilenma........it is an inner struggle Andrea. TTT

        I have to say that W.P.'s comments to you are so poignant. They reveal an insight that very few I have come across have. His observations are so clear to me. I am still looking for the inner strength he talks about. TTT..............but how much time? I ask. This is where I also get impatient, and have difficulty staying quiet.

        I don't know if I have made any sense or not.........there is so much going through my mind right now, lots of thoughts, but I can't seem to express them clearly.

        This is a most interesting conversation, and I find your comments and W.P.'s contributions invaluable.

        Thank you, thank you.
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          Apr 29 2012: Mary --

          Actually, I find your thoughts very relatable.

          But, perhaps a way to help get a better grasp on the fleeting sense of when to, when not to, etc. is to consider some examples you have?

          Andrea
      • Apr 29 2012: @ Mary

        I am not suggesting that a person should not volunteer, rather be aware of why and to what end.

        You said, "It is easy to leave others to fail when they are not close to you..........BUT, it is very hard, very very hard to give up on those closest and dearest to us." This is true, but sometimes we must. Maybe not give up necessarily, but give them the opportunity to acknowledge their failings so they can carry themselves forward.

        You have heard the saying, I am sure, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." Sometimes the simpilist of ideas holds more wisdom than any amount of million dollar words.

        I have seen people that give a lot of themselves to others and or their jobs, but their family and friends suffer. I have also learned this from my own experiences, and irrelevant of how important my daughters are to me I still make this mistake. We are only human, and the battle to do the right thing will always be there; sometimes we have to be reminded that it is our own battle.
      • Apr 29 2012: @ Andrea

        What have I studied? The short and simple answer is LIFE. It started when I asked my father, "Do you believe in God?" and he answered, "Man has to believe in something. It does not matter what it is, but they have to believe in something." He did not give me the answer I wanted at the time (I was twelve), but what he said stuck with me. But my journey has spanned years with a famished curiousity as to why things are. My teachers, uncountable.

        The atrocities that I have seen, from my perspective, comes from a system that helps destroy the human spirit, and then leaves behind a shell of a being. They have no purpose beyond feeding upon the scraps that are thrown to them.

        Example: There was a 24 yr. old kid who worked for me (Construction) and had great potential. Smart, craftsman's capabilities and vision. He could see something built before it was built. However, he was raised in an entitlement environment. Therefore, when things got tough for him he would always drag his wife and 3 kids back into the system. As the years went by the cycle continued. He never developed his skills or work ethic and continued to live off of others inbetween government subsidies. This may not seem like an atrocity to you, but this "mini" atrocity is a big part of why society is cratering. No sense of responsibility or accountability. And there is nothing anyone can do to help a guy like him, because he knows when he doesn't like the way things are going he can just quit.

        As far as developing great self-strength. Wow! What little I know, from strong people, is that it appears to develop very young in an environment where strength is required. Where there are expectations with some stability. No home is perfect, though. Some had it rough all the way around.

        To work at it backwards. It seems the best way to weaken someone is to do as much for them as possible and as young as possible. I have seen a whole lot of that, and it works in most cases.
      • Apr 29 2012: @ Jaime

        You are exactly right. None of us are perfect, and that is the very reason we must stay self-aware. What we do, whether as an individual or as a community/society, can have detrimental effects when we base our decisions off of our emotions.

        Thank you,

        W.P. Baldwin
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        May 1 2012: Andrea, yes, it is so important to help others see they are valuable and have innate gifts they can use for the betterment of their community (home, work, organizations, relationships, etc...)

        What happens with individuals who are talented and just can't see it.

        How do you go about helping them?

        And also, what if the one with the leadership skills and the innate skill needed in a certain organization is easily discouraged and withdraws into a shell for lack of appreciation?

        These two situations I have and continue dealing with almost on a daily basis. I find helping these kind of individuals a real challenge.
        • May 1 2012: Mary,

          Yesterday I talked to another kid that used to work for me, he is now 32. He is a building contractor now. Anyway, he asked me what I would have done with a particular problem trimming out a metal roof. I told him the different methods I would have used depending upon the situation. Turns out he had already done one of the methods on his own. This felt good, because he was always a hard worker but never much of a problem solver. Then the conversation got better. His cousin, who had also worked for me, is what I call a high-motor individual (always has to stay busy) came up with an idea for the trimming problem. The idea was innovative and I was very impressed, because the cousin in the past was always giving up when things were tough. When there was a problem to solve he would always find something else to do. (I know his father was always solving his problems for him, which may have a lot to do with that.)

          Both of them worked for me approximately three years, and even though they were both good workers they lacked an imagination and diversity that I believe are required to excel at anything. I had tried to get them to try different ideas and see the benefit in broadening their skill sets while realizing its value to their well-being. From my experience with both of them I did not believe they would strive to be exceptional at their jobs, rather I thought they would be only good at what they do, at best.

          As life moves forward sometimes those we have given up on end up surprising us. I think the reason for my surprise is because the help these two received from me and others in the past along with them then being allowed to flail and fail allowed them to succeed on their own at a later point.

          What do you think?

          TTT

          Good luck Mary,

          Sincerely,

          W.P. Baldwin
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    Apr 29 2012: Let me introduce the harmony concept in this conversation. I can't attempt an answer if I can't remove my blindness. Please imagine a guitar, a very fine guitar; you see the instrument shine under the light, you feel the chords, and the machinery to set the right tune in the whole guitar thing and being.

    Then you want to play some notes and see that some chords are suffering a high tension, and others are loose. You discover that its impossible to play anything, Then you want to tune the guitar. You have to know how to do it. Assumme that you know,... but do you know how to play?....

    Please listen this superb example of equilibrium and harmony in hands of a guitarmaster.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyPvr8AKVJQ

    If you listen carefully you can see the harmony in the hands, the virtuosity in the attitude, and the extreme compassion between the master, the music, the guitar and you.

    In our relations in community the same metaphor plays.Harmony and compassion, virtuosity and respect.

    All this could be called: INTER-LOVE
    • Apr 29 2012: Thank you. Jaime. I enjoyed his presence..
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    Apr 28 2012: I have to say Andrea, what a wonderfully worded question.

    Our nets are tattered, yes........thank you for including my humble observation in your consideration.

    I will reflect a while and come back to share my thoughts and read as your conversation unfolds.
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    May 3 2012: I've thinking a lot about this conversation.

    How can the US society could reweaving their tattered nets, ....the nets...¿exist?
    How, when, who,,,,,,,

    and this uncomfortable question arise from the Oscar Wild quote:

    "America has gone from barbarism to decadence without having experienced civilization".

    Then we have to see the "America" idea just as a rethorical media pretext to justify the "American dream"?

    The well educated people knows that America is bigger, stonger, richer, older and wider than US short ideas....USA is just one country, but no more.
    Then the conditions in Mexico, Peru, Bolivia, Canada, Cuba, Haiti, Argentina, Chile, Uruguay, Paraguay, Costa Rica, Panama, El Salvador, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Ecuador, Guyana Francesa, Venezuela, Colombia, Brasil, Belice, Rep Dominicana, Jamaica, all caribbean islands, Surinam, Malvinas, Pascua, Antigua y Barbados, Trinidad y Tobago, San Vicente y las Granadinas, las Bahamas, las islas Caiman, Granada, San Cristobal Nieves,Santa Lucia, Aruba, ....

    In America we have 35 countries, 42'549.000 Km 2, cover the 8.3% of the earth's total surface area and contains about 13.5% of the human population....a lot of people with different needs, ideas,religions, economies, cultures, miths, .....
    the principal lenguage in America is the spanish, not english, ...also we have in the Latin America the highest rank of happines among Italy and mediterranean cultures. Maybe if we have a tattered net we could choose to rewave, or to invent another brand new. Our long history has teached that.
  • May 2 2012: What an interesting thread, I really like what Laurens said about getting away in intimate groups. The diversity in our society does keep us separate in many ways, but I think this comes from fear. I can only speak of western culture as that is what I know best. People in general are afraid of everything, what they eat, what they say and think, the sun, the air, the economy.... this fear has been fed by the media, government, family, friends. It keeps us from being true to ourselves, let alone others. I work with people to heal and release their fears. The number one fear is actually of being happy and loving yourself. How selfish of you to enjoy life and think of yourself, this is what is taught to children in so many ways. These children become adults who believe they have to put themselves last. Over time they disconnect from themselves and and the personal net is destroyed, which is reflected in society. If society is the net, each person is a piece of that net. Reweave the net one person at a time. Feel love and kindness for yourself and you will have an abundance to share. A simple way to begin, imagine the person you love most in the world and feel the same love for yourself.
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      May 5 2012: jenni....nice words...."...a simple way to begin, imagine the person you love most in the world and feel the same love for yourself.....nice words.....

      then in your own idea trail I dare to suggest tha hard way "imagine the person you don't love most, and forgive yourself...
      This simple action is the hardest to do. Tattered nets are easy to rip off, but reweaving it loving and forgiving is sublime and a highest summit to reach......exclusively for spiritual athletes.
      • May 5 2012: Hi Jaime
        The hard way is where so many people, in my experience, get bogged down when applying "new age" concepts. There is a tremendous amount of focus on forgiveness, which doesn't sound bad. In love, all is forgiven, therefore the simple way, FEEL love for yourself (this is very different from just thinking or saying "I love you.me") It is really amazing what happens in this energy. As you vibrate from a level of self-love, your piece of the net becomes whole and affects the pieces adjacent creating a domino effect, the net reweaves itself and heals seemingly effortlessly. Try this and watch what happens in your family.
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    May 1 2012: Andrea, W.P., Jaime

    The following video was posted in a conversation on kindness.
    I just watched it and it made me think of everything we have said so far in this conversation.

    http://vimeo.com/40979758

    Can some of what he says be used to repair tattered nets?
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      May 1 2012: Mary --

      Yes. This certainly speaks to what we're trying to get at here. Most valuable to me are his points about social contagions, though I'm not sure he calls them such.

      In any case, the contagion effect that happens when we do in meaningful ways that others observe and even unconsciously replicate. This can work both ways, with negatives or positives. And, human reactivity makes negative responses somewhat "easier" from a base-level neurological perspective. Think of how a baby cries to communicate. Babies also smile to communicate, but the urgency for parents and others to respond is somewhat less, due to a need to prioritize physical needs first. This touches on Maslow's hierarchies.

      But, with little effort and, as anything, repetitive practice, positive behaviors can and do come quite naturally. For reasons he notes. They feel good. We are flooded in oxytocin, the same hormone mothers and babies experience during feeding and couples experience during love making.

      The challenge is to "train" ourselves to act in positive ways persistently. This requires somewhat more intent than simple reactions or non-reactions for that matter. But like any intentional practice, be it prayer, playing an instrument or producing good work in our professions--the payoff makes the effort worthwhile.

      Maybe more gratifying is the payoff, not always immediately clear, of others witnessing and replicating the positives, and in the process changing cultures and communities.

      I've seen this effect in action, and it is truly powerful to witness.

      Andrea
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    Apr 30 2012: I am going to go out on a limb here and propse that we can not heal society by repairing our own nets. I would suggest that we cast aside our nets. I am coming to believe that we can not heal our society as long as we are still so overly concerned with our own individuality. We have become so overly concerned with how each person's feelings, beliefs, ideas, and characteristics are so unique and so important that it overshadows any sort of meaningful interconnection with the public at large.

    , IF we truly want to build bridges to others in our community, then the others' needs must become more important to us than our own. IF we want to connect with other cultures, then learning their culture must become more important to us than in teaching them ours.

    Yes, this is Biblically based,and yes I know that the idea that we can actually heal ourselves by neglecting our individual selves sounds like a contemporary heresy of the first order, but I will give you a practical application: a few years ago our pastor gave a sermon about marriage, essentially saying that if you want your spouse to give you everything you want, you must give your spouse everything they need. When both spouses' singular focus is on each other, then they both get their needs met. I say we expand that to society at large, and when everybody, and I mean everybody, is looking out after each other, then evrybody gets looked after.

    Yeah, I know, peacelovehippie stuff, but all I know is that my wife and I really put that into practice, and our marriage improved. And if we can do this in the microcosm of marriage, then I think it can be appliedto the macrocosm of society.
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      Apr 30 2012: Verble...the righteous judge begin in his own home.......

      All the peacelovehippie stuff plus the christianlovepeace stuff is essentially the same stuff.
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        May 1 2012: Yes, there is many a pastor who cringes when I tell them that Christ was the first hippie. I don't think even that counter-cultural revolution understood themselvesa when they were breaking from traditional religion that they were still emulating some of the basic precepts of Jesus, such as living in harmony and concern for others, and dignity for all. Oh yeah, and that "don't kill" thing that seems to get rationalized away so much of the time.
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    Apr 30 2012: In different cultures, diversity....vive la diference¡¡¡¡¡
    we have a strong sense of community built in the family values. Our latin and mediterranean-indigenous heritage is wise and very old....our family bounds are strong, maybe not so healthy in some cases, but strong....we live here by 500 years and we wave our nets with the filaments of living love. Fron the xv century our cultural roots has produce a fuitfull harvest, maybe not so "modern and efficient" in the sight of foreigners, but is our tradition. If we see that our nets need a healthy tratement, then we do. Today our country suffer by the narcowar and your country suffer by the narco consumption...we are suppliers you are consumers....this is not a tricky game, is a bloody reality....our opportunity fo healing is in two sides....the use of intelligent force and the tenderness in education.But also we have to knock down all the corrupt puppets inside the governement. Its not an easy or fast procedure, but we have to do. We have to close the TV door for a lot of garbich from Hollywood, also to be aware for the first signals of rupture. If we have to use the public force (in my neighborhood) we use it. If we have to reeducate or educate our little childs and teenagers, we do it, with our own schools. We discover that we have to be conservative and innovative at the same time, but overall things we have to be loving and tender in our community. And I talk about 5,000 souls in an 60,000 square km.area. Guadalajara is the second city after Mexico, D.F....with more than 8 millions people in 11 different districts. I live in the historical part of the city with a lot of noble buildings, well educated people, and with an high economic status. We are a healthy neighborhod, but also we have some urban plagues. We enjoy one of the best climates in all the country, all the year, plenty of food and ammusements, libraries, teathrs, galleries, nice avenues and a lot of public services. We want to keep it in this status.
  • Apr 30 2012: Everything works better is we analyze it, discuss it, and make it better
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    Apr 29 2012: We have to be in focus with this conversation....Can we heal self...?.......Yes we can.
    Reweaving...? ...Not all.
    Transform...? ... Just what deserves to be transformed...

    ....but how we recognize the net reality from a piramidal structure...?

    We really know that we are weaving nets....or just we believe that we are building Babel structures?
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    Apr 28 2012: Andrea thanks a lot for your confidence in this issue and in the questions about. I feel engaged with you in this space and I hope to be in a dialogoin with the TED community (not TED society) and the individuals who are in the questioning aim...as allways, some persons (not individuals) fear questioning, and accept all answers as a solution. With the critical approach we can reach nor the summit but the way. In this topics we need a map to know the real field and the better path. So go to find it.