AbdelRahman Siddig

This conversation is closed.

What is the most painful lesson you experienced and you wish other people to avoid your experience

Some people when came a cross painfull experience they wish every one in the face of the Earth get the same level of pain
other people they wish all other people to avoid such pain
The Question is
What is the most painful lesson you experienced and you wish other people to avoid your experience?
what did you learned?
and what people should to avoid the same situation?

Closing Statement from AbdelRahman Siddig

We can not avoid the feeling of pain it good feeling if we know how to use it
and as the wisdom says " there is hiden treasure buried inside each tragedy"
but we can learn from each other mistakes and save time and efforts

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    Apr 25 2012: I have to say it was a time in my life where there was no supervision. I was about 15 years old. My mom worked all day in her business. I was at home. Our neighborhood had a lot of robberies and my house got hit. I was in it when it happened.
    He knocked on my door. I lived in Costa Rica at the time, on a farm like town. Behind me was a coffee field, next to me was a duck farm. It wasn't poor, it was just simple.
    When he knocked, I opened and he asked for a glass of water. I said sure, I let him in. I didn't think anything bad. Next thing you know he had my knife around my neck. And it was about a 20 min struggle. I was bound and tide, left for dead (i don't say sarcastically). In a moment of clarity I thought to hold my breath and black out. The predictor thought I was dead.
    He then took stuff and left. I waited for about 30mins (maybe) and I untied myself ran out the back door and hide in the coffee field until I herd some neighbors knocking at my door and I heard them shouting out for me.

    I was in the hospital for 2 weeks with a concussion, a broken nose, black eyes, 2 stab wounds and cuts throughout my body.

    I recovered, I saw the predictor again at least twice.

    At age 20 I got clinical help in Oregon. If it wasn't for the program at OSHU, I wouldn't be able to live a stable and happy life today.

    I love life, I think this experience made me appreciate life in a different way. And I'm thankful it happened because I have a high level of compassion for people and victims. I learned a lot about psychology.

    AbdelRahman Siddig, Thank you for asking me, I rarely talk about this (actually never) this is the first time I EVER talked about it on the internet. I know I talk about it so briefly and casually, but actually I don't get sad talking about it. I feel empowered.
    So Thank you Abdel :D
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      Apr 26 2012: Thanks Adriana
      for sharing your stroy in details for the first time with us , I'm very happy you feel empowered
      and you managed to discover the treasure of your tragedy
      as the wisdom said " there is hiden treasure buried inside each tragedy"
      some people spent thier whole life after the disaster straying at the surface of the tragedy all they see is pure pain , other lucky people dig deeper and deeper till they find the treasure
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    Apr 28 2012: August 12, 2004: I was connecting large electrical generator in preparation for Hurricane Charlie. The meter I was using failed and blew carbon into the gear, which created an electrical arc and resulted in an arc blast. I ended up with full thickness, 3rd degree burns to both hands and arms along with 2nd and 3rd degree burns to my neck and face. I was in a coma for two months due to numerous complications from infections and medications. I am a husband, a father, a son and a brother, not just an electrician. During this time my family endured 4 hurricanes and the possibility of losing me. It took almost two years of healing, surgeries and rehabilitation to only be able to return to work to an office job. I can't use my hands and arms as well as I once could... BUT I'M ALIVE! There are those who have had similar accidents and fared much, much worse. I use my experiences to caution others. All of this could have been avoided if I had been wearing my personal protection equipment (PPE), which I was fully trained to do and was in my work van. I would have probably only gone to the hospital for a checkup! I am asking you to protect yourself by following your safety procedures. Accidents at work not only affect you; think about the effects on your family, your friends, your finances, your company, your co-workers… your entire world. Most of these injuries can be prevented by following the safety rules your company probably has in place. Most of these rules were put in place because of accidents like mine. Be safe, wear your PPE; not for fear of fines, penalties or getting fired. Be safe for yourself and for all the people close to you. I got a second chance... You may not!!!

    My web site has the video download and my complete story: http://www.donniesaccident.com
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    Apr 23 2012: I will share this, a painful mistake I experienced was thinking that because someone was family, I could automatically talk to them any way I wanted to, without respecting them. I did not measure my words, and was downright rude.

    This occured when I was a teenager. I thought the speaking of multiple languages and my university made me smarter then them, and I freely spoke without consideration or respect of their dignity.

    I learned my lesson in time, and this was repaired. Thankfully I now realize that I have to respect everyone, family or not. Each individual deserves my respect. I have learned to avoid thinking I am above the rest.....I am the same as everyone else..............a work in progress.
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Mary M.
      what made you change ? to be frank , usually people with (power or Extra ability ) Don not respect people with (less power or less ability)
      if you cloud share the story that made each individual deserves your respect
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        Apr 24 2012: Hi AbdelRahman Siddig
        What made me change......it was an undo-it-yourself project.

        After I studied the Bible and I started to read articles that expanded on Bible principles, I realized I had changes to make in my life.

        It took years to change. I had to change the way I spoke, the way I listened, the expressions on my face. I started to associate with individuals that wanted to make changes also.

        I started to speak using more questions to clarify their points, and I also responded more with acknowledgement of their idea, instead of always trying to say rebuttal to their ideas.

        I learned to give the benefit of the doubt to people in general.

        I learned to listen for what was not being said, and not just to what was being said.

        I started to speak softer, slower. I had to learn to show empathy to family and friends.

        Like I said, it took years......and I am still working on many parts of my personality that I know need changing. I have learned to avoid thinking I am above the rest.....I am the same as everyone else..............a work in progress.
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          Apr 27 2012: Mary,
          that's awesome! It is really honorable of you to change.

          Recognizing the problem and actually changing is a BIG step. The bible helped me learn how to understand rules of life. The way you are treated is a reflection of the way you act. And its better to sign on the kinder side because, there is inner peace on that side.
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          Apr 29 2012: Dear Mary,

          Thank you for sharing your story of overcoming ego self centered mind. You weren't alone on such a road...
          My son still indulge in that state of mind; he speaks also 4 languages, his mayor is Bio-Physics and had managed excellent notes in Chemistry, Math and other sciences that requires such profession.
          I'd been concern about such unkind ways and decided to help him to remember kindness in any possible way, before he became a teen he was a kind child.

          Lately, we had to pray for days because a family member got a stroke, a man that used to be a very authoritarian father and pleasing him was the family concern.
          Ten years ago, when I became part of this family. Travels and activities were scheduled without questioning my opinion. Others hated such demanding ways but reminded silence because the inheritance.
          The man has been 2 months in rehab, can walk, talk or digest food properly. I'd asked his closes family member to get together and pray for his health but nobody cares for it, and find any excuse to avoid visiting him at the clinic. (I don't blame them)

          My son visited him at the clinic and when returned home, he told me will pray hard for health for this sick man. He turned to me and hugged me and told me that has been a painful scene to see this man in such sad situation.
          Mom, "He vomits and makes a mess on his shirt..." he said. Then I said, "It is a normal thing to happen when people are sick, I wiped his mouth and clean his shirt after he vomited last Sunday"... Then he looked a me with wet eyes: "How you can do that mom? Then I said: "It is a matter of kindness, I can do it for him or anybody who needs help... you have that in your heart. Just lately, you allowed your ego to take over your kind heart".
          Prior his sickness this man treated others without respect, he alienated kindness to work on his side. His feelings of superiority can't sustain him anymore.
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        Apr 29 2012: Deares Idalia,

        Thank you for sharing this experience. How wonderful to know that around the world we are all alike, and that we can so easily learn lessons the easy way, but more often than not, we sadly must learn life's lessons the hard way.

        I am happy my comment encouraged you to share your experiences. I am all the better for it.

        Be Well Idalia Munoz.

        Mary :)
    • May 2 2012: This is a very good story, thanks for sharing. In my family, we were taught to give an older person utmost respect (even younger people because everyone deserve to be respected). Respect begets Respect.
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        May 2 2012: Hi Ayoka, thank you for your kind comment.

        Wouldn't it have been nice if I didn't have to tell this story?

        Nevertheless, perhaps some young ones reading it might benefit.

        Be Well
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    R H

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    Apr 24 2012: That the love I had hoped for, and believed in, in mankind did not exist. That no matter how much I loved people, I could not stem the tide of selfishness, dominence, manipulation, neglect and indifferene to suffering, and the exercise of power over others - and I'm talking about my neighborhood when I was a kid. Then I saw the 'tin man' in the Wizard of Oz and the wizard said to him: 'It's not how much you love, but by how much you're loved by others'. So then I began to 'please' people, trying to anticipate what they wanted from me. But that just made them more uncomfortable to be around me, because I wasn't me. I was a creation of what I thought others wanted from me. But it was all a lie. I had no real friends, no real lovers. I had nothing. I was nothing. I was completely lost because the love I sought did not exist. It took me many years to understand this. This was the most painful lesson for me. I offer it in the hopes that someone else who may be searching for a similar type of love can unburden themselves and become who they are, find the gifts they have, and become themselves what they seek - a wonderful, unique, gifted individual who is alive and active with life and contributing to its majesty. I have found their is no greater love than this, in my experience. Then, this 'new kind' of love will multiply itself around you, and you will have finally found it.
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi RH
      That was really great lesson and its occuring all over the globe right now
      hope some one read it before fall into the trap , or some parents make sure their kids are not into this trap right now
      thanks for sharing
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        R H

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        Apr 25 2012: Thank you for responding so generously.
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        R H

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        Apr 25 2012: Thank you for responding so kindly.
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    Apr 23 2012: Learning that my self-esteem was not based in fact. Somehow I had come to believe that my ideas were best; my views were closest to truth; and my assessments mattered most. Then I came face-to-face with the reality that to disagree with me was not always an error. Other people's ideas, values and viewpoints matter.
    • Apr 23 2012: Excellent mistake to learn from, possibly the hardest that we all, sooner or later, will have to face.(HOPEFULLY).

      The only comment I could add, from my situation, would have been that "Having the better arguement doesn't make you right"
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        Apr 24 2012: That's right Vince, arguments do not have to be true to be valid.
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Edward
      This very excellent discovery , would you share the story that made realise your self-esteem was not based in fact
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        Apr 24 2012: I agree sir, it was the most excellent of discoveries.Read it for yourself AbdelRahman. The Holy Bible, New Testament, Book of Ephesians, chapter 2. May God bless you!
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    May 1 2012: Nietzsche once said something like he WISHED pain, failure and suffering on his friends, so that they may truly grow and learn in life. Though learning through someone else's mistakes sure is a lot more convenient!! But, no matter the second hand stories told, new people time and time again will walk into the old traps.

    Don't fall into this one: if you are ever down and out in life (depressed, jobless, lonely etc). Beware that there are some self-positioned people in institutions "meant to help" expressly to prey on such vulnerability. They prey on you financially, sexually and suck what ever scrap of trust in humanity that was there to begin with. They can make your life even doubly worse than what it already was. Turn to your trusted family and friends, take them along with you to meet new people who may help. Speak to support circles--stay visible in a group environment. Beware of anyone offering to be or to show you a saviour.
  • Apr 27 2012: One of the most painful lessons I have faced is that my past experience with the education system does not have to equate to my ability to learn now, and in the future. And, I am not stupid; incapable of learning for the rest of my life; and doomed to the life that lack of education produces. I still struggle with this everytime I try to learn somthing new, but bit by bit I am over-coming.

    My experience in school 20+ years ago was one of the most damaging things I have ever endured. When I was a little child, I believed in everything my teachers said, taught, and did. I was led to believe that these were undeniable truths, forever etched in stone. As a result, severe damage perfused through my life, touching others. I know now, that I am not alone in experiencing this. There are many horrific education stories out there. What an effect education can have on children and our world! I just wish the educators of the past knew how profound their actions really could be.

    That was then, this is now, and thankfully, there are more educators out there that understand the gravity of their positions. I believe our educational system is changing for the better, reaching out to the masses, into the future, striving to create an exceptional world for all.

    P.S. Thanks internet and....thank you too, TED.
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      Apr 25 2012: Hi Chris
      I agree with you pain is the greatest chance for grow and build a strong character but many people fail when they are in pain
      but this conversation is not about to avoid the feeling of pain we can not escape that
      but to avoid hard time by learning from each other
      as most of life events are a like
      just the story of Adriana Bevacqua in this conversation we learned a lot from it
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          Apr 26 2012: Hi Chris
          what you said is so amazing but its very hard to achive
          " how a human can be an alchemist, by taking something like this horrible experience and transforming it into something beautiful"
          we all know that but when the real pain hit us during our daily routine the response is different
          we do not jump up like we win a price and say WOW I got my chance of growth
          deep in our hearts we wish if that event never happened
          I remeber one wise man said we can not change the events but we can change the meaning of the events
          why I'm blind and I can not see maybe harness the power of thinking and imaginations nd focus
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          Apr 26 2012: Chris,

          thank you for your kind words :D. My life has been a tough one, but I know many stories out there just like mine or worst. I am just another person.

          Once that situation happened to me, I was more incline to learn from other people. Many of us believe we are untouchable or "that won't happen to me" syndrome. I learned at an early age, "that could happen to me".

          I like to grow, and so I know I have to feel pain. That is what I think makes me change bad into good. I accept pain. I am not afraid to feel pain. I know and believe its a part of a process and can become a resource.

          I think my entire life is a work in progress. With all due respect Chris, I am no hero. Hero's are protectors of the world. I don't feel like I did much, I just got over an emotional issue, and it all paned out. But thank you big time for the props, It fed my ego for the year ;D
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      Apr 25 2012: So true!!
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    Apr 23 2012: I find it painful whenever people who are trustworthy and pure of motive are falsely accused, whether the perpetrator actually believes his accusation or only uses it as a weapon for his/her own ends..
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Fritzie Reisner
      what should we do when we see that ?
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        Apr 24 2012: AbdelRahman, it depends on the situation. If one is a third party, one can model or urge belief in the more positive interpretation of a person's trustworthiness or motives.
        If the matter is private between the two parties, what do you think?
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    May 22 2012: When you feel utterly alone, you realize that you never would have made it without the dedicated effort of others. Thank you for my life to all those who invested their life force into mine.

    When you have a sick child you realize that all of the ideas you had about the value of a human life are null and void.
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    May 1 2012: Giving up is harder on you than continuing on.
  • Apr 30 2012: I feel excruciatingly vulnerable in revealing the most painful lesson I experienced and wish others could avoid.
    I am currently 17 months in on a criminal court proceeding for which I am the victim of two counts object rape.
    I have so desperately wanted to feel secure. To feel like I do have dominion over my person. The court experience is extremely traumatizing, and it keeps the wounds of rape raw.

    Something about my world changed the day I was raped. It was a more dangerous, and calloused world that refused to understand my experience, because they knew they couldn't possibly.
    I learned that my world is unpredictable. That people are not to be trusted, but this is not something that must be learned by other rape victims.

    Our American society is eager to call every rape a "he said" "she said". Stop! We need to examine our western culture as a Rape Culture, and search our hearts and minds for how and why we contribute to it. If you want to avoid my situation, help your community make a cultural shift that values enthusiastic consent, and places the burden of receiving consent on the initiator, and understand that victims have already been through hell. They don't want to deal with your insecurities or anger. So if you ever find yourself a secondary survivor, which many of us are though we do not know it, talk to someone who is not the victim about getting care for yourself.

    I wish those who follow this conversation to get involved in movements like their local SlutWalk that focuses on cultures that victim blame and slut shame. Only an aggressive cultural shift towards a healthier community that values enthusiastic consent will help all of us to encounter fewer rapists.
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    Apr 29 2012: The most painful of me is when i lose any of my family members.I can't accept the truth like that.
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    Apr 27 2012: Yes. I never listened to figures of authority growing up. I rebelled against the world. I thought I had all the answers.

    I try to tell my students about my personal experience in a way that I try to relate to them and explain how I was not much different than they are. I share my ups and downs with them about growing up and remind them not to fall into the traps that I did. I guess the main difference with me is that I don't simply tell them "Stay in school.", I also use my own life as an example of the reasons why. My students seem to get it so I hope that I make a difference. Do I actually? Only time will tell....
  • Apr 27 2012: When I was a kid (between 12 and 16) I was robbed many times by drug addicts. Some times they grab me from the neck and others show me a knife or a syringe.
    I learn a few lesson from those situations:
    1. If you are in a bad place harden your attitude in order to not look weak. A confidence attitude is crucial.
    2. If you get assaulted for the money never argue or fight and give they all the valuable things. Normally they go away at that point.

    The main lesson I learned at that early age was that I can die. When you realize that your priorities become totally clear and never forget what is important and what isn't.
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    Apr 26 2012: My most painful experience is one that I share with my students; I didn't take learning serious enough as a teen. Before I got out of high school, with low grades, I started having kids of my own. I didn't think I needed college to be successful. I didn't realize how much value our society places on education. For me, a life of hard physical work was not going to satisfy my mind. I ended up being a Teamster truck driver/dock worker for 8 years in order to go to school and break the cycle I found myself in. I am now a school teacher, but I think I would have enjoyed being a lawyer or something else if I had taken my education more seriously.

    It was very hard raising three kids on low income. It was painful, but we made it. I was lucky enough to have a wife that worked with me as a team. I went to school and got my Bachelor's degree and Teaching Credential and acquired my teaching job. Then it was my wife's turn to go to school and she got her Bachelor's and her Master's degrees. Then, my turn again, I went back and got my Master's degree. Now it is my wife's turn again and she is getting her Doctorate. All of this would have been much easier if we had gotten our education first. I share my experiences with my students and try to make them realize that a degree can be very important.

    This may sound bad to some, but it clicks with teens when I liken degrees to dogs. Mutts can be fantastic dogs, but they have no value (except to their owner/boss). A dog with a paper (pedigree) has value and is prized. Both dogs may be equally smart (and most scientific evidence shows that mutts are probably smarter), but it takes that paper to make a difference in value. This is like degrees that people get and how companies value them. The more degrees you have, the more serious people take you and pay you. Painful, but true.
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      Apr 26 2012: Greg, I can soo relate.
      When you look back, what do you think could you have done to convince that young boy to finish school? I am pretty sure someone somewhere said, stay in school or something like that, why didn't just them saying be enough for you to listen?

      I guess what I looking here is what do you tell your students?
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    Apr 26 2012: The most painful for me is, mastering the ego to expand awareness to connect with the highest source.

    This activity not only involves very strong discipline than most other activities, but because it involves direct control of the ego, which in our daily activities is not too strong to suppress the ego.

    And I think the best way to improve the ease of control ego and discipline associated with difficulties in the expansion of consciousness are several possibilities:

    1. Bring up the love and keep the power of love as much as possible that relevant to your path. This requires extensive knowledge and the ability to compare to make sure the benefits that can meet our expectations.

    2. That is the same as above, but if we can not bring love, then at least we can foster a sense of curiosity.

    3. We must realize that things happen for the goodness and something has a hidden wisdom that is not always known at this time. It is an attitude of gratitude.

    These are the ways that may be easier for us to expand consciousness, including ... avoiding the difficulties in mastering the ego, which can be so painful.

    Less or more ...
  • Apr 24 2012: well i have always been given my way by my parents and this led me to believe that i was the best person in the whole world and whatever i did was best.However,what i didn't know was the fact that i was Selfish,wayward and rude to people around me.Later on,when i entered into practicle life,i learnt to mend my ways the hard way.Although, i feel that i have become a better person now but when i think about my past,i still hate myself for hurting people.
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi sameen liaqat
      you done the right thing by changing but how will the people who are currently living by your old values (Selfish,wayward and rude ) notice they are in the wrong track
      what your story behind the change ?
      • Apr 24 2012: Well,in my opinion, the only thing that can change this behaviour is the thought that we all have to leave this world someday and how terrible we would feel if somebody we loved suddenly left this world and we had behaved awefully bad to him/her.Just think like this and your behaviour will improve :)
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    Apr 23 2012: I would say the entire way of extreme consumption led life style caused by misconceived meanings of freedom or democracy from generations to generations by ourselves prompted by so called citizens of the free world without questioning ourselves is the most painful mistakes we would ever face in not too far feature. And this is exactly what we should convey to the bottomless greed driven society of China and other nations alike.
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Mitsuya Fujimoto
      I agree with you but greedy is not limited to China it's all over the globe
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    Apr 23 2012: Everyone makes mistakes, but I would have to say that have the ability to articulate ideas and emotions is your best friend, so refine and fully develop your ideas before iterating them. If mistakes were to ever happen, then try to revise them.

    "Life is one big freewrite, and it is up to you to revise it."

    I found that attaining all the skills and tools of a language really fixes many issues because they usually occur from misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

    I had a situation where I was constantly in turmoil as a young kid and I had no idea how to solve the issues, but to use my physical actions. Now I learned more about the magnitude of language impacting the environment and how you deal with them. So living and learning is the best prevention, but "Go Ahead, Make Mistakes" and try to learn from them.

    Thanks for reading my thoughts. Hope you share yours. =)
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      Apr 23 2012: Hi Derek Young
      this a very profound statment " emotions is your best friend" but it cloud also be your wost enemy
      so let us say emotions is your best friend if we choice the correct one is the correct time
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        Apr 24 2012: Hi Abdel,

        I think you misinterpreted my comment or I phrased it incorrectly. I was saying that being able to articulate or express your ideas/emotions with language as your medium of expression, then that is your best friend. Just blind emotions can lead to mistakes and loss of reality. That is why we must rationalize or use reason to clarify our thoughts.
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        May 4 2012: So Abdel,

        What inspired you to start this topic?
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          May 9 2012: Hi Derek
          sorry for late reply and all other people who comments and I did not reply to them
          thanks to all of you
          what inspired me is the peak of pain I would not share the details because its not my personal story and it other people personal story too but I would share the summary
          you found your self in a situation where all the options around you are painfull and not only you will be hurt but other people too
          so I said to my self maybe I should have more consultancy and more clear objective before I involved
          and I'm sure many people fail in similar trap not every day but every moment
          so my advise to all get clear objective , make sure this what you want , consult the experts before you start any project , business or any thing that matter to you
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    May 17 2012: “The very most thing I’m committed to do is to help as many people as possible regain their creativity confidence they lost along their way”
    David Kelley
    Thank you very much David for your commitment , your words was very touchy and encouraging , wish you all the best
  • May 12 2012: Relatives you get, Family you choose
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    May 9 2012: To drive vehicles slowly and not to drive vehicles while drinking.
  • May 2 2012: My most painful experience is betrayal. Sharing personal concerns with someone that I taught was a friend / sister only to find out that she was using all my words against me. I have learned never to trust again. I am a quiet person, learning to socialize and opening up my windows and doors to accommodate new people in my life only to find out that these very people just want to take advantage of my kindness and meekness. Its hurt everyday but I am learning to deal with it and taking my strides one day at a time. But since then I have shut my doors and windows, back in cave. My family is all that I needed.
    I have learned to love my family more and I do want to people to know that whatever they are going through in life, their family will always be there for them because they are your blood. They may not like what you are doing, but they definitely love you more than strangers.
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      May 2 2012: Ayoka, I believe many of us put ourselves out there and try to have intimacy with friends.

      It is a big risk to put ourselves in a vulnerable spot. Breem Brown has a TED talk on vulnerability that might provide you with some healing words of wisdom.

      Look it up and watch it. It is one of the favorite TED talks of all times.

      Be Well, and leave a crack in the window Ayoka, perhaps someone will come into your life unexpectedly and be the friend you have always wanted. "Behind every strangers face is a potential life long friend"...so says Maya Angelou, the author, in one of her books.
      • May 3 2012: Very good one! Thanks Mary, I will listen to the talk.
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    May 1 2012: Reply to Mr. Wesley:

    I defiantly agree with those quotes. I believe any person who has a place of oppression in their life will need a deliverer and then a freedom fighter. Deliverers help you to leave your place of oppression. Freedom Fighters lead in obtaining the place of living in freedom. Two great examples would be, Moses in the historical documentation of bringing Israel out of slavery and then Joshua leading them into a land to have their own nation. Another would be Harriet Tubman who lead slaves from slavery, and then Abraham Lincoln who delivered them into a lifestyle of freedom. That as the quote spoke of ripples, caused a wave for a man like Martin Luther King Jr. to fight for equal rights for all races.

    So I defiantly can agree with those quotes. Oppression is broken by leadership serving the oppress. But the oppress still have to choice to follow and work, using their gifts and finding their purpose in service to a leader to brake the chains of oppression.

    Original Post:

    The most painful lesson we believe all people experience is letting go of past experiences that leave an impression on the effectiveness of living. That impression we believe is called oppression. Oppression inhibits people from finding their purpose because they have low self confidence about their passions. That low self confidence comes in the forms of laziness, poor self image, belief in lies that they don't have a chance to be fulfilled, or living to accomplish so much through the avenue of oppressing others.

    The lesson we wish for others to learn is that freedom is harder work than staying oppressed. People can be free but not live in their deliverance. Freedom requires more work than slavery.
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    Apr 30 2012: One of my most painful experience came from not telling a girl my true feelings.

    If you guys find a woman you feel a strong connection with, attempt to develop a relationship with her that goes beyond friends. In some cases, the time you'll have to do this will be limited before your chance is up. Lightly flirting with a girl you secretly like wont always get you two on the terms you desire. I'm a shy guy....and I couldn't never muster up enough courage to tell this girl I liked my true feelings I had for her.

    Long story short, she was swept off her feet by another guy. A few weeks after, the conversation I was waiting for came a little too late. She expressed to me how she was interested in me but thought I wasn't interested in her. She confused my feelings towards her as me just being a gentleman and sweet guy. She expressed how she was also shy girl.....silly me....funny thing is, I sensed that! But by me being shy, I didn't want to risk the what we had in attempt to get deeper.

    Now look at me. I'm on TED.com spilling my feelings out like a baby hahaha Being shy doesn't help when you want people to truly understand how you feel....say what you feel and mean it!!!
    Now all you shy TEDsters, go make me proud and find love! Do it for me!!!!
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    Apr 26 2012: For me, the worst experience wasn't pain, it was feeling numb and depressed. Whenever I would think about my future, everything seemed gray - I thought my life was happening without me, that I was just an observer of the events that were unfolding. That feeling of indifference is the worst experience anyone could have, I think - because you lose the ability to care about anything, mostly people.
    However, I think that's also a part of growing up - no one ever talks about what I call quarter-life crisis. Most people expect you to go out, get drunk and 'have fun' when you're in your twenties. Over time, with the help of my friends, I managed to worry less, and I have to add that TED helped a lot in overcoming it.
  • Apr 26 2012: betrayal
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    Apr 26 2012: Political lessons like studying Marxism or Maoism.When I grew up I really how silly they are.
    Marxism is maybe good but I don't feel comfortable to be forced to learn such knowledge.
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    Apr 24 2012: Always put away your knifes when someone you don't know comes into your home.
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        Apr 25 2012: Well its a pretty short story, some one came to my door while living in Costa Rica, and asked me for a glass of water. As i walked to the counter to pour the glass he saw a knife on my table and used it on me.
        So my lesson was a painful one, that I hope know one would go thru.
        Maybe the lesson is more circumstantial, maybe I shouldn't have let the person in my home. But I always felt that If the knife wasn't out, I wouldn't have been hurt so much.
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          Apr 25 2012: Hi Adriana Bevacqua
          Thanks for the thumbs up and for sharing your story
          I would like know more if you do not mind
          what was the motives behind his attack ? and what did you do to recover from the events and how long it takes
          sorry to ask too many questions but through the details we learn better
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    Apr 24 2012: I think the most painful lesson is to lose a love one whom you simply didn't make enough time to see.
  • Apr 24 2012: It took a long time for me to realise that happiness is, to a great degree, a personal choice.
    Like all teenagers, I spent many years in anguish being upset and worried about things which now seem so trivial.
    When I look back at this unhappy time, I realise that it was of my own making.

    Learn to worry about only those things you intend to change.
    If you can't change it or have no desire to, then learn to love it.
  • Apr 23 2012: The most painful experience I've had is getting shot in the foot by my dad. I learned that pain is the worst when inflicted by a love one. The lesson is don't get too close to bad people, even if they are your family.
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Natas Hastings
      for sure when pain came from relative it taste double the pain then if it came from stranger
      but for sure your shot was unintentionally
      • Apr 24 2012: Well I'm in Child Protective Services in Texas now, so...
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Bharath Kumar kunjibettu
      That cause pain , we cannot help the entire country or continent
      but we can help one person so let us start by doing what we can and hope for the best
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    May 17 2012: As a creative person, some of the "painful" experiences come from people who "steal" my ideas and try to sabotage my projects... projects that are close to my heart, such as writing a book, running a community workshop for no financial benefit but to support others in developing their creativity. I am a resilient person and not in the least bit paranoid (I tend to be very trusting and give others the benefit of the doubt, even if I notice signs that they are capable of a certain destructive behavior)

    However, I ACCEPT it is what it is. I remain true to myself and my integrity in spite of threats. Such experiences cannot be avoided, meaning, one cannot go into a primitive form of fight, flight and fright response. I teach ways to develop strategies and resilience, self-belief to be able to DISCERN the motives of others. What we resist, persists so I don't waste energy getting upset that such things exist.

    They make me stronger and more determined to support others build their creative confidence and not only meet such challenges (attacks) but thrive and continue to grow and even experience joy in what they are doing.

    I focus on authenticity, integrity and contribution/making a difference! Always look for ways to shift from victim to victor and tell a story of how i am making it!
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    May 9 2012: One of the greats Arab poetry AL Mutanabi said in his famous poem
    you have reached the peak of pain to see death as a cure
    and the death has reached the peak of glory to be a cure
    I tried to rhyme the ending words but I failed in the original poem the words are enough and cure
    he said this word to word translation without rhyming
    you had enough pain to see death as a cure and its enough for the death to become a wish
  • May 3 2012: Powerful stuff and so right.
  • May 3 2012: One of my mentor said, "If you choose this university: organization voluntary, you must study hard in this environment, and then, you can get right to criticize this organization."

    Other mentor said, "If you run into difficulties, you should learn from predecessor or ancestor, because EVERY DIFFICULTIES you run into is already experienced by other people."
    "If you will notice that there is no people who experienced this, this will be the most valuable difficulties to overcome."
  • May 3 2012: I am university students and studied too hard last year. I concentrated on what I wanted to stud. So, I didn't have any time to spare with friends and could not afford to worry about other people.

    Finally, although I was leader of seminar, I did not fulfill my responsibility. I thought the contents of the seminar was not enough because it was not discussion but talking.. I was dismissed by my professor as a matter of course..

    It was totally my fault and I was arrogant. I learned from this failure and learned a lot of lesson.
    When I will work in the future, Do not repeat this type of failure.

    "There is not perfect environment to study, so we must pursue good performance in a restriction."
    This must be connected to my future job.

    If you are students, please avoid this painful experience.
  • May 2 2012: Not a popular nor a politically correct one: If you are a woman, you will have a far better time accomplishing things that require absolutely no delegation or teamwork, especially in very male-heavy environments. Most such disciplines have an on-ramp in the early 20s, and males in that age bracket will ABSOLUTELY NEVER accept leadership from a female in the same age bracket. If you are an ambitiousd woman and have multiple arenas where you can achieve things, aim yourself for the one that requires as little teamwork as possible. Sorry, but it's the truth.
    • May 12 2012: It really is true. I find it interesting that majority of people respond best to a woman. Siri, automated voicemails, all kinds of things that are female voices, because most people respond to that motherly connection. However when it comes to a male dominated field, a team, or collaboration of some kind, the female tends to see the most conflict, receive the least amount of respect, and has to work twice as hard to get half the output. When you add in an age conflict it becomes even more apparent. My mind goes back to how we evolved and what role that has played in our current society. I completely agree with you though. You either need a team that is already have well established and respects you, or no team at all.
  • May 2 2012: The most painful lesson I would learn? hmm... I guess its "Do what you gotta do and shrug off the headache". Growing up I was always the child that got bullied because my english wasn't well (foreign child, foreign country), because I was semi fat, etc... From say... kindergarden till the fifth grade (thats right, all of grade school). I always got tortured, picked on, lunch being stolen... toys taken away etc. It got to the point where the bullies collaboratively ganged up on me via telling the teacher that I was the problem and not them! (they followed me through the classes no matter what I did, telling the principal etc... just wasnt happening... always got in trouble). Then when I finally graduated... 9/11 happened and me being muslim... well lets just say that didn't make me feel any better. Being completely socially inept, pretty much no friends, not even a home to talk to all I could do to get me out of the rediculous missery was study. Study hard, and get A's. I wasn't looking for applause, or some form of pat on the back, but I needed some sort of outlet. And to be honest it paid off, I went to an amazing high school, had the time of my life, in college right now studying interpersonal psychology... Having a blast. Over all, if you get what you need to get done, there eventually is a finish line and a celebration. Sure life sucks... But life can also be amazing, you just gotta deal with what you gotta deal with, and keep on trucking.
    P.S. : all those bullies are now in jail for serious crimes. That made me laugh so much when I started talking to some old friends about them... On top of the freaking world.
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    May 1 2012: Painful is to see wrong and not be able to make it right. I know so many people suffering because they have been wronged by the society, their own family, friends or love; for religion, cast creed or money. They do nothing because they fear to lose them. I try to give them the support to fight for what is right, but somehow it never works out.

    I have realized that I can't fight someone else's fight for them. What's painful is that I am not able to give them the hope.

    As Brian Cerda here said "Giving up is harder on you than continuing on". I hope this message goes to all of them so they stand up against the wrong.

    My personal experience: Injustice in the name of religion/community. For someone's notion of a closed knit community and religious tenets, I'm in a state of dispair.
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        May 1 2012: Reply to Mr. Wesley:

        I defiantly agree with those quotes. I believe any person who has a place of oppression in their life will need a deliverer and then a freedom fighter. Deliverers help you to leave your place of oppression. Freedom Fighters lead in obtaining the place of living in freedom. Two great examples would be, Moses in the historical documentation of bringing Israel out of slavery and then Joshua leading them into a land to have their own nation. Another would be Harriet Tubman who lead slaves from slavery, and then Abraham Lincoln who delivered them into a lifestyle of freedom. That as the quote spoke of ripples, caused a wave for a man like Martin Luther King Jr. to fight for equal rights for all races.

        So I defiantly can agree with those quotes. Oppression is broken by leadership serving the oppress. But the oppress still have to choice to follow and work, using their gifts and finding their purpose in service to a leader to brake the chains of oppression.

        Original Post:

        The most painful lesson we believe all people experience is letting go of past experiences that leave an impression on the effectiveness of living. That impression we believe is called oppression. Oppression inhibits people from finding their purpose because they have low self confidence about their passions. That low self confidence comes in the forms of laziness, poor self image, belief in lies that they don't have a chance to be fulfilled, or living to accomplish so much through the avenue of oppressing others.

        The lesson we wish for others to learn is that freedom is harder work than staying oppressed. People can be free but not live in their deliverance. Freedom requires more work than slavery.
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    Apr 29 2012: The most painfull lessons we faced was coming either from our self or our bothers in humanityno one complain so far from natural disasters so what wrong with us why we are acting as a source of pain and sorrow ?while we investing huge time and money into reseach and studies to discover any thing that ease of life or cure our diseases so again why people complain from people in thier painfull story and not from nature or machines
  • Apr 25 2012: The value in building an everlasting bond within a family.
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    Apr 25 2012: I am just an ordinary person (a little corky) fascinated by smart people :D Thank you for taking the time to read my profile.
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    Apr 24 2012: I feel immense pain when I see people fighting on petty issues like caste, creed and religion..... I always wished if we had one religion through out the world... there would had been more respect in humans towards each other.. Its all about accepting one supreme power..
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        Apr 24 2012: Typo corrected!

        Regarding your question, my argument is "How different people perceive and accept existence of supreme power in their own theory". It revolves around all the theist, who believe in God, but their ideologies are guided by whatever written in their holy books.
        All I am asking them to believe that God is one, and there shall never be any argument on this.

        Let me know if I am still unclear...
        • Apr 24 2012: Everyone having the same religion will not bring peace. Just look at what people of the same religion do to each other.
          Religion by it's nature inspires passion. Passion can inspire both great and bad things.

          However, if people's minds were so dulled that they would mindlessly and unquestioningly follow a single religious idea, then they might indeed be too apathetic to care enough about anything to make trouble about it.
        • Apr 24 2012: I feel that unifying people under one color of authority it a very good way to breed contempt and revolution, the reason we don't all live under one ideology is because we are not the borg, we are not ants, we do not experience things equally, we learn different ways through different methods and expsures. I honestly feel that having humanity under one flag wouldn't do anything but destroy. If you consider the christian roman empire the population where everyone under the sun was a christian or you died. how happy where they? they lived in fear or a god who loved them, fear of an empire who could conquer what appears to be the world. How is that something you could wish on everyone? I know that it is not a clean example but thats why I said use it as a population like the rest of the world did not exist. I feel the exact opposite from you, I think that It is irresponsible and alienating of nature rights to choose the beliefs of a person before they can choose it themselves. Now if somehow someone could create a generic ideology that was not so authoritative and supreme as you suggest, people I feel wouldn't mind or even abuse the belief or ideology because of it's simplicity, It is when things are said that should not have been that people take offense.
        • Apr 24 2012: Perhaps, if we could all accept 'religion', (as a concept), all the same way, with the same importance and reverence, we wouldn't bring up the petty differences that we sem to keep fighting over, century after century.
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    Apr 24 2012: I believed that someone something is irreplaceable, the belief that someone is or will hurt you on purpose.. those are some painful experiences created out of wrong beliefs. I learned to not believe everything I think. I got so used to trusting my gut instincts that I didn't bother to look at anything else until it was too late.
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    Apr 23 2012: Going to college without knowing what I wanted to do afterwards. Dropped out 4 years in. Anytime is a good time to think about what to do in life, don't postpone it.

    Well I've got to pull the embers towards my sardine as we say in Portugal. But just last week I launched a website were everyone can share past mistakes: www.recycledmistakes.com. You can comment and vote on it. It still lacks content since it's so young but I hope I can count on you guys to post some great material. I talked a bit more about my college adventure there. Sorry about this bit of advertising, but it's kind of on topic =P
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Ricardo Marques
      Emptiness or living with clear goal in life is very dangerous because you will be targeted to adapt any devastating lifestyle like drag , crime ...etcto the best way to immune your self is fill your time with usefull stuff I will looked at your website , just quick advise let the poeple comment anonymously poeple will run away when they see Login
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        Apr 24 2012: I believe that emptiness is much worst, because without goals one is lost. Having well defined objectives even if you have to adapt sometimes will always mean you know what you have to do. Also actions you take can only be useful if they have a propose, if its meant for something. If it's just random chances are it wont be useful in the long run.
        Regarding the Login, at the moment its the only system I have to limit spam, maybe In the future I can implement another one, but setting up an account takes 1-2 minutes, and you can do much more afterwords. =)
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    Apr 23 2012: Never trust people easily..if they ditch u later it will pain you a lot!!!
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi Don
      this is common pain all over the globe
      the question How do we become warrior to reaching justice ?
      many will people will choose to stop flight for thier rights and focus on thier daily needs
      because its long process and it my cost them their lives
  • Apr 23 2012: thank you for your question!
    Just now,my conversation has been removed !I was sad. And then I noticed your topic which made me realize it is time to make some change.Next time ,I will see if I have get well ready before I take action.
    Yesterday,I spent all night to write an article about food safty,but just now TED sent me an email to tell me they had removed my conversation.
    All I want to say is you should read some limitation factor which is given by TED before you write an article!
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      Apr 24 2012: Hi shelly jett
      me too some of my TED conversations was removed or Ended before time
  • Apr 22 2012: I have experienced my fair share of hardships, but I would not go back and avoid them. i feel that people are becoming more stubborn and are too susceptible to flawed information which is simply the result of inexperience. Experience is by far the most powerful learning tool we have, taking that away even when those hardships can be so painful is removing something that could have made that person so much more unique, individualistic, and special. We all have to struggle through different levels of trial by fire, and somethings should not be done, as we have laws for. but should no violations of a persons rights happen, I would not remove any experiences from their vault of experience that is the brain.
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      Apr 23 2012: Hi Harvey Von Gunderman III
      Thanks for you comment I can not disagree with you , what you said is ture
      its only through experience we can learn
      as you said people who did not lived the event will always be missing part of the story which is real feeling of the event
      but is rise other question is all painfull experiences are useful ?
      and we should go thought it to gain and learn something new
      or there is some painfull experiences which we need JUST to read about to avoid it
      and NOT to live it ?
      • Apr 23 2012: Personally I feel that so long as our nature rights are unharmed, and these are rights that every living creature should have. When we step out of that boundary and preform mass injustices that violate basic rights, It is at those times that I feel people should not have to suffer any of these painful experiences evoked by others will. That can range from war crimes such as torture, genocide, in reality war in general, It is such an infantile response from a world who was too primitive to be able to resolve issues through non violent methods, maybe we still are too primitive. but this also ranges to everyday things, as well. What I mean is that Yes experiences are drastically the one thing people must have, but they would not experience the ones I consider bad to experience if the rest of us got ourselves together and stopped fighting like a bully over everyone's lunch money.
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          Apr 24 2012: I think many people are too primitive in respecting other people