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sarah boardman-miller

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How do you move beyond why, when someone takes their own life? How do we get beyond the shame?

I wrote an open letter to my dad, my dear friends, those that have also been left to move forward. http://sparkignitefire.me/2012/02/14/open-letter-to-those-that-chose-that-moment/
It has had 1000's of reads in just over 2 months. This is a conversation that is desperate to happen.

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Closing Statement from sarah boardman-miller

The gratitude I feel is almost overwhelming.
Thank you for being raw, able to be loved and sharing your hearts.
Let's continue the conversation.
I adore you.

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    Apr 20 2012: Sarah - there is NO SHAME - pls get it in your mind . People who do such things - do not do it purposely . A particular mental condition provokes a person to go for a suicide - I can say this confidently as I have studied things in this regard . And unless and until u reach that stage [ which I'll never want u to reach ...] - you will never understand why somone did this ! What has happened had to happen - it is D E S T I N Y , my friend . But life moves on and so will you .
    Do not sit with it - move on , don't feel ashamed but think of the things u can do to make the unfortunate people happy. Give your best and you shall succeed . [ Always keep this in mind that feeling bad will neither change the past nor the present and future ]

    What are the best things that you do ?
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      Apr 20 2012: Ayan,
      Thank you.
      I personally do not feel shame surrounding suicide. My fathers parents until their deaths felt deep shame. That somehow his choice as an adult (almost 50) reflected on them. When I think about shame and suicide, it is selfish. There is much we can learn from those that leave us. The "why" comes in and out.
      I see death, whether it be from cancer, an accident or your own hand as a window to learn and then teach others how to learn.
      Again, thank you for your kind and insightful words.
      • W T 100+

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        Apr 20 2012: Hi Sarah, you know, I often sit with my daughter so she can read along with me all these deep topics of conversations. I wanted her to read through yours.

        She asked me, mom how is shame connected to suicide? And I told her, well, it's the living that feel the shame, embarrassment at having to explain the way the family member died, I failed to tell her also, what you brought out in this comment............that we can sometimes feel other's actions reflects on us. I will certainly tell her this also.

        Thank you Sarah, for this timely conversation........having elderly parents, and not having undergone the loss of anyone in the family for the last 22 years, my children have never dealt with such an experience, perhaps this conversation will help me, help them when the time comes.

        Thank you, thank you!!!
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          Apr 20 2012: My love to you and your daughter.
          My girls 4 and 5, we talk about "papa Tom". Children are so incredible, so compassionate and I believe born empathics.
          Thank you for sharing this with your daughter.

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