Khushal Khan Khattak

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Marriage and divorce!!! Both mean the same thing!!???

Some of the major reasons for Divorce:

Prior to 1965 the divorce rate was 2% to 3%. By 1985 divorce rates had escalated to 50% and have essentially remained the same.

Many young people have unrealistic expectations of marriage, expecting their relationship to be the perfect union. Their parents were poor role models and they are not prepared to work at their relationship.

Today's young couples are products of the "me generation." They are self-absorbed, focused on getting "my needs" met, but are often insensitive to the particular needs of their partner.

Mates want instant gratification, seeking the material goods their parents worked years to accumulate.

Many spouses have had multiple sexual partners prior to marriage. The parties are jaded and quickly discover how difficult it is to sustain a romantic relationship in the bedroom when they are beset with overwhelming conflicts in the kitchen.

Marital infidelity is all too frequent for some mates who show little guilt or remorse for their actions.

Often partners have little understanding of the concept of loyalty and sacrifice so essential to a good marriage.

Many young couples are products of divorced homes, thus permission to divorce is taken for granted.

Today's couples enter marriage with an expectation their union may not last a lifetime, as if theirs is a "trial marriage."

Some view "serial marriages" as easy come/easy go, but the fallout of betrayal, abandonment, neglect, and despair take their toll, nonetheless.

Many partners are anchorless, searching for their identity. They often feel as if, "I'm afloat and on my own in both marriage and career."

Many spouses are restless and impatient. When the first blush of romance fades , hostilities escalate, they impulsively throw in the sponge and give up.

So my question for you, Folks, is that in the near future, will marriage and divorce mean the same thing? Replies in the form of remedies will be much appreciated. Cheers!!

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    Apr 15 2012: I think the real issue here is why do we even have the title "marriage"?
    Does being married make a couple more or less loving towards one another? committed to each other? It might be the case in some. But I think that is the wrong way to go about it.

    "I am married to you therefore I should love you more."
    "I am married to you therefore I have more commitment to you."
    These statements don't make much sense.

    We really need to take a step back from titles. A title is basically defined by well... its definition.

    If we're putting definitions on things, we're also putting obligations in things.
    If we're putting obligations in things, we're putting expectations in things.
    And from what I've learned, it's always best to have low expectations.

    ***not the most eloquent answer or finished answer but im just writing as im thinking haha
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      Apr 14 2012: My friend......Marriage is like a double edged sword....its always complicated.....sometimes...the more u try to fix it....the more situation can worsen up...So my brotherly advice to u would be: " Never be complete, stop being perfect, lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may, we should stop worrying alot" My father always use 2 say......dont be sad if u failed in a task for which u worked day and night....but rather be happy...and accept it as ur fate......May God help u in this turbulent times ur passing through
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    Apr 14 2012: Hi Khushal, It's quite a depressing picture - I don't doubt aspects of your rationale. Divorce is sad, but try to think of it another way…

    I would say that western societies are reaching an equilibrium with about 50% of marriages working. I feel that this is near to the number of successful marriages throughout history. Prior to modern divorce legislation other “options” were used -

    Legal or religious annulment
    False accusations of adultery / witchcraft / blasphemy - leading to stoning / beheading
    Open marriages
    Mistresses / lovers
    Desertion,
    Bigamy,
    Polygamy,
    Murder,
    Neglect of illness / injury - leading to death by “natural” causes
    Driving a partner to suicide through cruelty,
    Selling to the highest bidder,
    Banishment,
    Imprisonment within the home,
    Commitment to a mental institutions,
    Divorce under religious terms - religion has always accepted divorce - Islam more equally giving the option to a wife.

    The past was not always a utopia and the need to remove oneself from an unhappy or unproductive marriage has always been a problem associated with life-long marriage. How do you feel about divorce now?
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      Apr 14 2012: Heather........one of the most marvelous reply ive ever seen related to this topic
      I agree with u 100%.... cuz ur reply mostly explains the society which i live in....yes a divorce is considered to be very rare in the east....but on the other side....when i look at the condition which our women are facing....it makes me sad....thier whole life is enclaved in a single house....if they leave the house...it can be for only two reasons...either to meet with her parents or Funerals and Weddings. Thats it, no social gatherings with other women, cant even think of having a stroll in the park, if they would go outside, they should wear a Burqa ....Thier whole life revolved around doing chores for thier husbands inside the house like cooking, cleaning the house, more like a personal maid. So the conclusion to which i reach, is that in the old ages, marriages were more succesfull, cuz women dint have any rights, marriages now a days are not succesfull cuz the voice of women also counts.
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      Apr 14 2012: But fortunately....things are also changing here....our corrupt president, unexpectedly did a righteous thing...which is a sentence of 5 years imprisonment for the person who behaves inhumanely with her wife on pitty issues
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    Apr 14 2012: Is this a good thing or does it feel that a wave is slowly building that might wash away something that has stood the test of time?Some might argue that this is a natural consequence of change others might say that there will come a time where men and women will come together in short bond contracts or choose to bond for life but the words will be reworked to remove the word marriage.

    Time will tell as there is great change on the horizon,i think for the young generations of the old world that your part of the planet belongs to will make that change and that change might be for the better, let's hope that that change is engineered for you by you rather than a western style.How would it look if you decided to marry later when you have established yourself more?
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      Apr 14 2012: Women are on the rise brother.....as u said change is on the horizon.....and dat change will be....women dominating men, just like the men who dominated women in the old days.
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    Apr 14 2012: Klushal

    Are your figures for your country?
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      Apr 14 2012: No brother....all over the world
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        Apr 14 2012: Ok,I'll take your word for it.

        IMO it might be better to look at it from a country to country basis, this way one can take into account the culture and religion.One might find there are hotspots rather than an even distribution.From your point of view in Pakistan,is there alot of divorce and remarriage?Do the young there have a total different view of life than their parents?Do the young want to marry young?Is there still a respect for marriage than it use to be?
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          Apr 14 2012: well, the way i see it, as the literacy rate in our country is growing and more rights are given to the women, the number of divorce cases are gradually increasing. As far as the marriage of young people are concerned....yes, young people prefer to marry young in our country......as the chances of getting married for a more aged person becomes thiner and thiner with the passage of age. The chances of a divorce in our society is a 1 out of 10 case....but yet the numbers are slowly increasing. Our culture is slowly diminishing,cuz the trend of copying western culture is on the rise here.