David Hamilton

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Is humanity in a “sexual race to the bottom”?

And… Can we do anything about it?

So… This is a theory I’ve been working on in the back of my mind for awhile, and it has me a bit frustrated. Before beginning, I would just like to admit that I speak from a masculine perspective. I don’t think I have some magical insight into the female psyche, I am simply an unashamed and honest man, who believes he can tell our side of this story, and hopefully open his mind enough, to hear the other side. I hope to learn from comments here, not bash you all in the head with my perspective. Without further ado…

I fear, at times, that humanity is engaged in a sexual race to the bottom, in which, if a young man, does not agree with absolutely everything a young woman has to say… She can find a young man who will. This is not the fault of women, it’s actually the fault of men, with no self respect, or integrity… The rub, however, is that men are biologically designed to gain a portion of their ego and self esteem, from the perceived attractiveness of their sexual partner.

This is a very dangerous problem to have, because men don’t agree, with about half of the nonsense women say. Just like women, don’t agree with half of our bullshit. We are different, it’s amazing… Why would we want it to be any different? Isn’t the whole point of being in a relationship to stop having sex with yourself?

My sense, is that there are a few reasons for this behavior. The first being that culturally, adult men and women, are not comfortable talking to children about sex, gender, or the roles of masculinity and femininity in our culture, because we no longer, even know what those roles are. The second, being that as women rose to prominence in the workforce, there was suddenly a market for men who were sexy and jobless. The third reason being, that a good mans motivation, has always been tied to his partner and family. Men are good at doing things for women, and family, we are not yet good, at doing things for ourselves.

Thoughts

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      May 2 2012: Thats a worry. I must be shaking hands all wrong
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      May 5 2012: Interesting. I think my major concern, is that there seem to be 2 camps. I am not a believer... I consider Jesus a great philosopher I have personal respect for, I'm just uncertain about god. This makes me question the traditional laws of the church, and most traditional societies...

      I don't believe sex should be exclusively between a married man and woman. I believe young people have a place in feeling out their sexual compatibillity in relationships, before they commit eternity to one another.

      I think people should live together before they get married, and avoiding sex while living together is difficult and impractical, if not impossible...

      On the other hand, I don't believe sex should be a handshake. I don't think you should just get drunk and emotionally manipulate each other into a rushed sexual experience for the shear thrill of it, and then figure out the relationship afterwards. This seems to be the hidden norm of secular culture.

      So, in my own personal life as a young man, I felt torn... between pretending to believe in god, so that I can meet a nice religious girl who will closer share my moral code. Or, sacrificing some of my moral code, to fit into the norms of secular culture. I imagine lots of young women feel the same way, I just don't like to speak for them, because I'm often more ignorant than I thought.

      I don't this is a healthy decision for us to force on our young men of moral compass... and, quite honestly, I think it puts a bad taste in a young mans mouth for religion... Honestly, it makes people see religion, as a bit of a sex cult. I don't know what the solutions are to this problem, but I think the cultural discourse on the subject could get a bit better.
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    May 2 2012: Fascinating question David

    In answering, it is important to agree that humans are creatures whose behaviors are controlled by (at least) two very distinct drives: a subconscious that blends with many of the older parts of our brain, and our consciousness which is more or less related to the most recent areas of our brain

    If we are to accept that our brain structure is determined by our dna, and natural selection has favored certain genes based on the reproductive success they help achieve, it is a logical conclusion that the dna that creates a male and a female brains are not the same. A male whose subconscious would compel him to spend his fertile years waiting for a female capable of caring for his offspring would reproduce less than one spending all those years chasing every female available. And viceversa, a female in a relentless chase of every available male would have a lower chance of survival and reproduction than one compelled to find a suitable male

    And no amount of culture can change someone's dna. Yes brain structure can be changed by it, but not the genes

    So if we are to stop this "spiraling down", we must understand and accept our nature, we must learn how to modify our behaviors so our brain changes with us, and we must understand that this process is not hereditary. Until we learn enough genetics to be able to affect a teenager's brain structure via a dna sequence, we are constrained to the temporary control of our subconscious drives.

    But we must be humble to accept our nature and that there is nothing wrong in this duality. The more a young boy understands that it is ok to be sexually aroused when looking at a young woman, but that his frontal cortex is responsible to make him stop when the rest of his body is pushing him to act on this drive; and the more a young girl understands that urge to find the perfect strong and loyal mate is not the only chance of successful reproduction; the closer we will be to breaking out of that spiral

    cheers
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    Apr 7 2012: David

    I do believe that we are spiraling down, but I think this is a self perpetual thought that needs a dose of "out-of-the-box" type of thinking to solve the issue.

    We need to think, visualize, and see through these social constructs of normal and abnormal roles for gender, in order to evole as a species and work together. Society should learn to be less judgy and more unity.

    I believe that this ties in with race as well, which I mean, we should be more "Color-Blind" as well as "Gender role-Blind" and let's throw in some other "Blindnesses" like classes, age, education, wealth, species, border, etc.

    Finally, we should all learn to be more aware of our surroundings and more self thinking/analyzing, which will ultimately make things better, at least in theory. =)

    Thanks for reading my thoughts and feel free to share yours. =D
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      Apr 8 2012: I think what I'm really trying to talk about, in many ways relates to Atheism 2.0... Are there still some objectively good cultural values we can all agree to pass on to our children. Not necessarilly enforcing old gender roles... but, for example, can we say... "Life is sometimes hard for human beings, it is good for one member of each family to know how to garden, cook, teach a child to read"...

      I think we are doing this, but it is a painfully slow process, partially because of the loss of reverance people used to have for religious icons. Those icons, lost their luster, for a valid reason, they have treated people poorly.... but without new universal standards to replace them, that aren't based in our outdated systems, I fear we're all secretly being drawn to the lifestyle of a sexy young jobless person... and Madison Avenue and Wall Street, couldn't be happier... in the short term. I don't find myself personally in that trap, but I see it in people in my generation and younger, and I'm curious if there are still cultural tools for dealing with this, and having an open discourse about it.
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        Apr 8 2012: Well David,

        It is a bit difficult for me to extract these ideas you explain to me from your current description in the main topic, but I will try to work with your clarification.

        What is Atheism 2.0?

        What do you mean by Universal Standards?

        I feel that you are making some big assumptions, but I think I understand your logic. I think that everyone takes a different journey through life and exposing one another to certain ideas/paths can give us more "cutural tools". Discourse is definitely key to expanding the horizons of paradigms.

        Thanks for reading mine and sharing your thoughts.
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          Apr 9 2012: I apologize, Atheism 2.0 was a Ted talk, which had a similar spirit, but I chose to focus on the morality of teenage sexual relationships.

          http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/alain_de_botton_atheism_2_0.html

          The main point being, as a multicultural, or secular, or religious society, or all 3... Aren't there useful social constructs, cultual ideals, and sexual roles, that there should be a more open an honest discourse about? What is acceptable for a school, for example, to teach children about sexual morality?

          In that sense, I mean this in relation to globalization as well... If we're all sharing a currency, and trade... Shouldn't we all be arguing a bit more? I mean we all have very different cultures, can't we debate and learn from one another, now that we're not busy killing one another? Isn't the coolest thing about nonviolence, and equality a healthy debate?

          As we move to a level playing field between men and women, do we still want to acknowledge some biological limitations to what legislation can do, and where culture takes over? I was exaggerating, and joking a bit with my example of a teenage boy feeling the need to agree with absolutely everything a young woman has to say, but I think when honest men look at their teenage years, they can see a bit of that in themselves... That's when lots of people decide who they're having children with... So, what's happening with teenagers is a pretty important part of our culture, whether we like it or not.

          There is definately a tendency in school, politics, culture, and even business nowadays, to avoid individual competition, and individual achievement, and introversion. To encourage, group work, co operation, emotional understanding... sensitivity. Men and women respond differently to these stimuli. These used to be hotly debated issues in our culture, and they still go unresolved. Not all men are on one side, or all women on the other, but there is gender disparity on "everyone gets a trophy" for example
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    Apr 7 2012: Simply put to each their own way. There is no male or female there are just spirits who inhabit bodies for a short period of time. Male and female are constructs of society and no one has all the answers. Not the feminists, not the good old boys, not the scientists, not the philosophers, not the thinkers or the tinkers. The answers are out there for each person to find and each one to live with. How can we be insulted if we are happy with in ourselves. How can the words of one make me feel bad unless I believe those words to be true and that is my problem to deal with. If I do not accept those words then they are not true for me and I can live happily and let others do the same. There is no spiral down or up there is only the moment.
  • Apr 6 2012: David, you seem to be insulting my species. I think we are getting better and better. The sooner we let go of the negative ways of the dead people who brainwashed so many generations with incorrect, negative belief systems, we shall rise faster and higher and cooperate our way to a healthy, prosperous, happy world wherein all men and women, living as equals, can be who they really are instead of cheap imitations of those who preceded us, e.g., more hugs, less war.
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      Apr 8 2012: In case you haven't noticed Rhona, I'm a bit of a curmudgeon... This is meant to be a bit of a funny exaggeration... but, also talk about something I think young men think about... I think all of humanity wants female leaders to be intelligent, strong, and compassionaite, as they take their rightfull place as equals in the world... What I really mean is that we want women like Elizabeth Warren to have positions of power and cultural influence... not Paris Hilton... and Lindsay Lohan. Cleopatra was 17 when she ran Eygpt, it's really not hard for a culture to start idolizing young women, in the way we used to idolize young warriors.

      And what I really mean to talk about as I mention in another reply... is... Do we have any universally accepted cultural sexual values anymore? Should we? Could we establish a set of cultural values, without dominating peoples individual liberty? Can we say, for example, that "open" relationships, are often more emotionally complex than they seem, without saying that they're evil?

      How do we as a culture, feel about adultury? These are all things that I think we've decided... "We'll just let the courts decide", and I feel like that's lazy. Yes, any legislation that is descriminatory, does need to be taken on in court... but beyond that... What are some of America's core cultural values, or anyones, other than just individual freedom. I don't think we should use law to enforce these values, but, do we still want to make some distinctions and choices? Is having 8 children in todays world a morally acceptable thing?

      There are lots of social, economic, political, and cultural issues that are impacted by our sexual values... So, I find myself asking... what those are...
      • Apr 14 2012: Thanks for your input, David Hamilton. Interesting. I wonder if adults enjoy adultery as much as infants enjoy infancy. (joke) I would say: FREEDOM, TRUTH, JUSTICE, POSITIVE EVERYTHING ONLY ALWAYS FOR EVERYONE......stuff like that. Happy Today.
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    Apr 10 2012: I'm starting to see a lot of this activity between a lot of younger men and women lately. I find women attractive who have specific qualities they look for in a man, and does a good job with not manipulating men for their desires. It keeps what they have to offer authentic and special. I believe as this behavior between men and women continue, people will start to look for partners who are unique and different from your "average joe/popular joe" who seeks to fit in with the norm. Who wants to be trapped in that type of mental cycle?
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    Apr 10 2012: A "sexual race to the bottom"...It is difficult to respond to this quote without a smirk...Can you see me? I'm smirking! Okay, to be serious here...I personally believe that men and women will always find some common ground. What I mean is that as men seek women, and vice versa, they will eventually find a like-minded person to co-habitate with. Sure, they may make some mistakes that lead to divorces, seperations, etc., but eventually people find eachother. I think technology and online matching for like attributes is helping. The wonder of the sexes is that we are different and this itself helps to keep a relationship lively. I could go on and on, but I don't think I really need to. I stand by my original thought that men and women will always find each other...the right each other.