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I would like a conversation that includes class and racial experiences related to shame.In particular owning/admitting privilege and how to

I am not bringing up this topic to shame anyone or make anyone feel guilty. Brene Brown did mention how having privilege makes one feel guilty and maybe ashamed. When I have asked someone of a higher class to talk about class as privilege I am often met with anger and defensiveness and although I am not the one with that particular privilege I often times am made to feel guilty for bringing it up. I have white skin privilege and know I have done the same to people of color in the past.I am beginning to see that there is a triad to be built here maybe we need to add denial into this discussion of shame and vulnerability.Or how does shame,guilt and denial keep us from connecting with one another?


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  • Apr 4 2012: Simon,if it wasn't so ludicrous it would be funny.And that is what happens when white people "try" not to be racist.Heaven forbid they go to the people that would know.I know of one Asian American female performer named Slanty Eyed Mama. Maybe she isn't registered?I'm glad you're fighting this.I guess white skin privilege still gives people the belief that they/we can hold onto ownership/power.I don't exclude myself from this because I am Caucasian and I have white skin privilege. I am mindful and that's what I can do. I still mess up.

    Mary M. WoW! That's a yucky experience. You know that saying about "assumptions" it's the "ass" in assumptions that grabbed my attention as to that womyn's ass-umptions. These things are hurtful but as you pointed out, you were more embarrassed for her. I think that takes a lot of strength and knowing, owning your own value.

    Sandy-Yes I agree that acknowledging privilege puts people in fear of having to give it up. I think I'm edging over to the guilt scenario. I remember in the early 70's during the second wave of feminism and being in a community of radical lesbian feminists when white wimin were being pushed by wimin of color to take on racism. One of the "outs" we continually saw was white wimin starting to cry when confronted. Was there a gentler way to do this? Was there a way to lessen the burden of being a womyn of color, a Black womyn, in particular? When we got hip to understanding that the crying was a manipulation by use of guilt, I think we got a little further along.

    How to not shove this under the rug and still talk about the shame, guilt and denial and have empathy with one another?

    I am Jewish, from a poverty class background and a lesbian. One of my stories was that a W.A.S.P. womyn said to me that she didn't "know that Jewish people had that affliction." I think that was a two-fer.

    RH- Yes and I'd like to know more about you.
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      Apr 4 2012: Hi Lena,
      "How to not shove this under the rug and still talk about the shame, guilt and denial and have empathy with one another?"

      That's such a great question! I believe that as a starting point we need to bring compassion to all parties to the conversation. That's not so easy when we're operating from the highly-reactive parts of our brain/nervous system, so we need to have some patience with ourselves as we learn to do that...

      One of the reasons I'm participating in as many of these 'post-Brene Brown' discussions it that I think BB has started a conversation that's been started before, but that eventually fades into the background and is then forgotten...partly because shame is indeed a painful topic, and also because it is a more complex issue than even BB lets on.

      I started a thread which you can find on the BB page, called "Deepening the conversation." It hasn't gotten as much action as I'd like, but I still hope people discover it.

      I think the greatest hope for us as a species is that we discover all the great relatively new information that's out there about how we humans actually develop neurologically and emotionally. I believe that a lot of what's been out there up to now hasn't been very helpful, but I see the potential for that changing. But it will require a willingness to seek out and understand new concepts, and to practice applying them in our everyday lives...

      More about that later! In the meantime I hope you'll check out some of the other discussions and find food for thought...

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